My daddy acts like he doesn’t want to be my daddy

[Daddygrl]

So weird thing.. my hubby and I have been together a while and when we first started dating I told him I’m a little and my ex (an abusive asshole) never let me be little. We looked up some ddlg videos and stuff and he told me he would love to be my daddy. The only problem is it’s been right under 2 years and he still doesn’t act like a daddy. I’ll call him daddy and he can tell when I’m in little space but that’s the extent of our ddlg relationship. I’ve asked him multiple times to sit down and let’s talk about rules, punishments, rewards ect. But he honestly won’t. Today when I mentioned it he said something about “my kink ruining our perfectly good relationship”. I’ve expressed to him that I’m not happy without rules and the rest of the ddlg lifestyle. He doesn’t seem to be against it he just... won’t put in the effort. Not sure what else to do honestly.

[clo_oh]

reading this is giving me the impression that he is just not FULLY understanding the concept of being a daddy. he needs to understand that you will have certain needs as a little, we all do. i feel like you should really have him sit down and listen to you about how you are feeling, and if he does not like how you feel, says what he said about you being a little ruining your relationship again, or after a week or two still doesn't at least try, you should tell him that him doing this is going to be a make or break. if you are not getting what you are needing, and you are not truly happy, you shouldn't be in the relationship. but only listen to this advice if you are willing to do it.

[princess cotton grass]

it doesn't sound like he's really into ddlg. i imagine he's vanilla? if so, you can't change his sexuality. you're choice would be to either to fit into a vanilla relationship with him and perhaps get you ddlg pleasures elsewhere or keep asking him to act more like your daddy.

 

i think that it would be good to ask him the big question if you haven't already: does he still want to be your daddy? it's a big responsibility and you deserve to know his honest and clear decision. 

 

communication is key!

 

[Daddygrl]

[Daddygrl]

Also thx for any replies or comments! Any and all are welcome!

[Guest Peachy Paisley]

I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this, I definitely understand the frustration you are feeling right now.

 

My thought would be to get some articles & videos, and maybe even posts on forums such as this that really convey to you what DDLG is, and what you want from it. If it helps, even make a list of the things you'd want or expect in your relationship. Set aside some time and tell him how important it is to you that he takes this time to explore this with you, so he can educate himself better and than make a more informed decision. 

 

There also could be a lot of reasons why he said he was into it, and now isn't. Physical & mental health can play a huge part in something like this. It could be he was into it, but then felt weird or ashamed, or didn't fully understand, or maybe he just didn't know what to do or where to start. etc.

[clo_oh]

The thing is, he’s super into me being little. He wants me to call him daddy and he “takes care” of me a tad but it seems like he doesn’t want to do anything that requires actual work.. like reading up on how to be a daddy or making a list of rules. I’ve asked him about not being little anymore around him and he said he doesn’t want to loose his oni (what he calls me in little space) but he acts like he does. ‍♀‍♀

if he is not trying his best to give you want you need, he is not committed. 

[Daddygrl]

Thanks for all the great advice! :3

[Alaskan Daddy]

Hi

As a daddy I know the amount time and energy it takes to care for a little, but I do it because it is a gift I have and it is something I love doing because it

it who I am and it is what is in my heart. My point is that your daddy may love certain aspects of DDLG because those parts come easy to him, especially

the stuff that is fun and cute. But the stuff that takes more time and energy like rules and caregiving are the things you need most from him. But those also maybe the things he does not truly understand how important they are to you, or he does not want to put the time and energy to give you your needs.

From what you have posted I feel he does not understand nor is he willing to open up his mind to understand what you need most from him as his little baby girl. From his thinking he may be looking at the amount of time and energy it would take for him to give you the care you want. And that type of care may not

come natural to him. He may give you lip service to your requests, but in his heart he knows he may never put the time and effort to actually deliver.

I hope this helps you in some way with your frustration. Good luck

[SmolAetherr]

reading this is giving me the impression that he is just not FULLY understanding the concept of being a daddy. he needs to understand that you will have certain needs as a little, we all do. i feel like you should really have him sit down and listen to you about how you are feeling, and if he does not like how you feel, says what he said about you being a little ruining your relationship again, or after a week or two still doesn't at least try, you should tell him that him doing this is going to be a make or break. if you are not getting what you are needing, and you are not truly happy, you shouldn't be in the relationship. but only listen to this advice if you are willing to do it.

honestly doesent sound like that at all, it goes farther than not understanding, you can not understand something and not need to shame your partner or others for having needs

 

 

op it sounds like your partner isnt on the same page you have clearly made an effort to involve him and you have told him you need more than what he is doing, i am not sure what he thinks ddlg is but seriously consider putting your needs to the forefront more.

 

if he is happy with the way things are, that's great for him...

but your are clearly missing a piece to your life to give you the intimacy and fulfillment you want and he is not making an effort to even respect your desire, not to mention making an effort to experiance it with you

 

you two should consider having a less polite talk about things, im not suggesting a fight or even an ultimatum those two things would have the opposite effect

but you should impress upon him that your happines is important and it should matter to him more than it is currently and its not a good thing to hear that not only is he unwilling to give it a go but he thinks you being you is ruining his idea of a good relationship, that would be a deeply upsetting thing to hear i imagine for anyone in kink.

Edited December 13, 2019 by Aetherr

[xBabydollx]

I find it interesting that he says "your" kink is ruining y'all relationship. He doesn't refer to it as our kink/our lifestyle. That says a lot, as if he is only indulging this because of u/so u won't leave (despite saying he is ok with it). It is possible that he likes some ddlg stuff, but not everything. We know u like rules, rewards, and guidance but does he? When someone is truly interested in something, u don't have to beg them to do it, and their natural curiosity makes them want to learn more. Think about something he likes. Do u have to beg him to do it? Probably not. Find out if these are things he actually wants, or if they are things he can compromise on. Sometimes a Daddy doesn't check all the boxes, and u have decide if u can be content with what they are willing to offer or not. If I'm being honest, it seems like u have an idea of the dream daddy in mind, but he just isn't compatible with that. 2 years is a long time to hope he magically become that daddy in ur head. u can't make him want what u want or be who u want him to be (not when he shows no interest in it). He needs to be honest and explain what he is truly open to try, and what he has no interest in. Imo, no effort = no interest.