Wondering if im alone in this

[Guest Princess Dusty]

So bare with me im typing this up on my phone as im kinda having a crappy night. The good thing about it is as im sitting in the shower crying out of pure frustration i came to a realization. People have asked me, what drew me to the DD/lg lifestyle. Id give some vague answer cause the truth was i didnt know the why i just knew i did.

 

Sexually yes i love it. I love the whole aspect of it. More than that though it fit me in so many ways. I just couldnt place my finger on the why. Why did it fit. Why was i drawn to it.

 

At first i thought it was the aspect of giving up control. I hate making decisions. Hate it with a passion. All my BDSM relationships well i always felt like something was missing. Once again i just couldnt place my finger on exactly what IT was. Then i met my amazing Daddy. I was nervous and scared and have so many issues its not funny. Yet that doesnt matter to him. I mean it does but not in the way im used to. What matters is making me smile, making me laugh, things like that.

 

Its not about the control, not completely. Its about the fact that for once someone wants to take care of me. Not for anything, not because im having a moment and i need someone, but because he honestly just wants to see me happy.

 

For the longest time I have been everyone's rock. My mom's, my siblings, my friends, even my ex's. I was who they came to if they needed a shoulder, i was who they came to when they needed help. I was their rock. Yet when i needed a rock, i was told i was overreacting. Asked are you on your period? Or my personal favorite, youre not over that? I stopped being able to rely on people because when i tried i got shut down and hurt and told i was wrong for feeling the way I do.

 

So for me this lifestyle isnt just about sex, or getting a Daddy/caregiver. Its about me finally being able to let go and cry. Its about me finally being able to let the rock and the walls ive built around myself to protect me crumble. Its about finally having someone to take care of me like i take care of everyone else.

 

Maybe im alone, i really don't know. And im not saying anyone is in it for the reasond i listed above, those are things I've had friends say to me. I just felt that maybe if someone else is questioning this may give them an answer.

[Guest MyDaddyMyWorld]

Sounds quite a common feeling to me!

Just enjoy it, trust in these feelings, live your new life. Don't worry about what used to be. Its in the past for a reason. If you learnt from it, then it did you good. It paved the way for good, for better.

We sometimes drive ourselves crazy trying to figure things out. Sometimes more so when its a good thing! We need to just accept it.

I'm glad you found a good experience to show you that they are possible. Smile, laugh and grow into it

[Guest Princess Dusty]

I am i really and truly am! The past doesnt have quite the same hold on me as it did. Its nice finally being able to let go. I just couldnt put my finger on what was missing. And it was there i just didnt know how to name it.

[Guest MyDaddyMyWorld]

That's great. But also, just to throw a spanner in the works, haha, you need to try figure out how to be happy and content within yourself without relying on someone else. And hey, if you figure that one out, tell me how you did it lol.

[Guest Princess Dusty]

I think you misunderstood what I was trying to say. I wasn't saying I'm not happy with myself, or with being by myself. I mean I love the constant companionship of another, but I can do without it as well. It took me time, to get where I am, and I'm not going to say that I'm 100% there by any means. What this post was about was me basically saying that I couldn't figure out what had been missing out of my relationships. That the reason behind me wanting a DD/lg relationship is to have someone else to help take care of me, instead of me taking care of me all the time. 

[Guest Penny]

You're not alone. For me, I didn't have a childhood. I had a violent schizophrenic for a mom and when I turned 10 and it started getting bad I had to start taking care of her so I stopped being a kid basically.

 

I suffered years of abuse before that and I think it just made me hard and made me feel like I didn't care so I also am drawn to the feeling of being loved and cared for for once.

 

Before I found this dynamic I never felt like anyone gave a shit about me and now I do and it's a wonderful feeling.

 

You're Deffinatly not alone. Everyone comes here for different reasons but I think most of us share the same feelings.

[Guest MyDaddyMyWorld]

Oh yes, sorry if I sounded like I was saying anything negative. I think I sometimes put my own situation into things, or rather what I sometimes worry about.

I know exactly what you mean. Finding this kind of relationship really blew me out of the water. It took an actual lifetime to get here!

I always had to have the balls, be the one fetching and carrying, taking responsibility. And yes of course as adults we have to do that sometimes. But to finally figure out what we really need, then find someone who is actually willing and capable of giving it to you....oh my god, lightbulb moment!

[Guest Pouty Kitten]

You certainly are not alone in this! I am usually the "strong one", the one who people come to when they are having issues. I give so much of myself that it becomes hard to ask for help when I need it. That is when being little and having a Daddy that guides me comes into play. I relate to you..it allows me to let my guard fall and be at peace with myself. Being little allows me to relax and live in the moment rather than worrying about big girl things.

[tinyhallie]

Definitely not alone! I experienced a lot of what you talked about, and figuring out that my fiance and I enjoyed this has done wonders both for me personally and our relationship. 

[Guest buddhagirl]

Exactly the same for me. I'm a leader and have a ton of responsibility in my career. I'm also a spiritual teacher, the friend everyone goes to for an ear, a certified life coach and have four kids! Daddy is my ONLY place to lay it all down and hand it over. He's the only person I've ever had in my life that wants to take care of ME, protect ME, nurture ME. He's a previous gift!

[The Perennial Princess]

Absolutely not. I have always identified that I'm a little because 1.) I was not able to have much of a childhood growing up, 2.) I was always forced to play the role of adult since approximately the age of five, 3.) My little side serves as a stark contrast to my daily persona, 4.) I am used to being physically taken care of and tended to by my mother and 5.) I desperately seek an authority figure that I can respect who guides me and protects me in a way that I was never guided or protected. 

 

When I found myself in relationships where I was forced to burden responsibility once more, I became resentful and bored. I did not like having to play the usual role of jaded adult that I must within the private confines of my own psyche. Regardless of the relationship, I would try to incorporate an innocent, childlike, free, dynamic between us that emphasized unconditional love and nurture. If I was unable to achieve this, I became disinterested.

 

I require a partner who cares for me no matter what but one who I can also wholeheartedly respect and trust. It's easier to love someone than to respect them and I need a partner who epitomizes the values that I wish to live up to and achieve. Why? I require the role model that I lacked when I was young. As a reflective person, I know that I seek to experience being childlike in an environment that encourages me to grow and reach my potential. I desire someone who loves me regardless of my faults and is there to help me when I fail. Does this mean that I do nothing to further their growth? No. I'm not always a little and yet I am. I want to discuss our daily chores, duties, futures, philosophies, etc, but in a context where I can make mistakes, where I can be guided to learn, and where I can start giggling like a little baby just because papa is so cute when he's talking about Science or hunting, etc. 

 

Being a little isn't a crutch, it doesn't hold back my growth or render me weak, rather, it makes me strong because it allows me to constantly evolve while maintaining a perspective that life is simplistic, easy, and beautiful. These are concepts that I have trouble with but that my papa reinforces on a daily basis due to the love he provides me with. Everyday, I am rediscovering that the world is a wonderful place and it's all thanks to my papa, and in turn, I give him the side of me that no one else is allowed to see. That is his privilege as well as mine. 

[bunnny]

I get it fully and would dare to say it's a part about why I'm so drawn to it all as well. 

 

For once I get to be encouraged for even the smallest things that to me are tremendous obstacles. I feel cared for in every way. From physically to emotionally and i feel that I've never had that before finding that I indeed am a little.

 

I'd been told to grow up and get over things by others but with my bigs and caregiver I can just cry. I can say I'm having a bad day and say that things are tough. I like knowing that I can have these feelings and they're not wrong. I feel validated as a person who can feel fear and be able to look towards something. 

 

I think the best thing I've ever heard from my caregiver was being instructed to have little space. To enjoy myself. "you deserve to have fun after today. you made big steps and I'm so proud of you."

 

After feeling worthless and hopeless for so long, it's good to know that feelings are alright.

 

You're not alone at all. I'm reading through these responses and my own loneliness is lifting.  

[Dollie]

I'm really sleepy and should probably head to bed but this thread caught my eye and I wanted to comment. Heehee.

 

I'm the same way. I was always the person that everyone went to for every little thing. I always held people up. Not to mention that I didn't have much of a childhood when I was actually little and dealt with a lot of abuse (verbal and physical).

 

Being able to enjoy being little now is nice. I really enjoy just shutting off the world and being innocent and fun. But it's something I can only comfortably do around someone I trust enough with that little, vulnerable side of myself. I have a Master that accepts it and is perfectly fine with it. He supports my little modes and understands that I need them to be able to keep up with life. For the first time I feel like I can just be me, in full. No walls. No need to have to maintain some image for the betterment of others around me. It's really nice to give someone else control so that you don't have to worry about it. To be taken care of in just complete love and adoration. It's really, really comforting. ^-^

[Hunter]

Reading all of this is helping mme in stepping into all of this. I didn't know what little moments were until recently, so I always thought it was weird I love going to the park and my stuffies and watching cartoons.

 

Though of anyone has any thoughts on finding a daddy.....it'd help. I have not a clue where to start.