Help me understand myself please.

[VeryOwnDesire89]

Apologies in advance if this this is in the wrong area.

 

So this may be several questions in one but any feedback/advice would be very much appreciated.

Firstly i started showing interest in the ddlg community over 1 year ago, previously to this it was bdsm, anyhow i always felt like i needed more than what a typical relationship had to offer, it is why i firstly started with bdsm and then come here.

 

Every relationship i have had even tho they have been great just never really lived up to what i wanted. I always had this feeling of never being fully satisfied, i tried many things to really figure out what i want and over the years i have gained more knowledge about what i like, what i am after and what i want.

 

Anyway i just recently come out of my first ddlg relationship, i would say it was primarily a normal relationship tho however most of the time she would be little, atleast speak as a little and want to be taken care of and looked after. I love the whole aspect of being able to care for someone, like do damn much. I love giving baths, helping them get dressed/undressed, reading stories,brushing hair,  tucking them in, making food or even cutting it up, i like being playful and really showing interest in what they are doing. It's really hard to say why i like it but at this point i realise its something i cannot live without.

 

Anyway this leads to the issue i am having. This is wanting some sort of comfort back. Trying to think of what words to use but basically i want to really feel appreciated and loved, like i matter you know? When i look at other ddlg relationships and see them all happy and cute and super devoted towards each other i ask myself, why havent i found that? i assumed most littles were like this but that wasnt the case in my last relationship with a little atleast.

Let me try be abit more specific here. I require to atleast feel like i am very loved. Like i like to be reassured, i like to be told i am being thought about, i want that love you can actually see, when someone really loves you, comes to you and says it and you just see their face light up. Like when you come home from work and they are super excited to see you. I have just always felt like i am not getting enough love. Even something as simple as coming over to me and asking me if i would like a drink and getting it for me cos they want to do something nice...as small as this is this is soooooo damn huge for me and makes me feel so happy beyond belief. Am i being 2 greedy? am i weird?

Now i will mention some things i have noticed with myself, maybe this can also help towards understanding my needs. That is comfort. At 1 point i questioned myself that maybe i could possibly be a little, this sounds super weird to me as i am more a daddy/dom than a little but hear me out. At times i sometimes just need comfort, like i just want to nuzzle upto someone, curl into a ball and rest my head on them. Sometimes i want to be looked after, have someone care for me. I like it sometimes when i get my hair washed, usually just the hair tho. Maybe this is just normal and even a big tough guy feels like this sometimes. But im not gonna lie as much as i love doing stuff for others i also love when people do stuff for me, its not that i want to be lazy or anything just sometimes its nice being cared for.

Sorry for the super long post and i feel i have some main points across, possibly things i have missed and if people want to ask questions i can be more specific with how i truly feel about the question asked.

Hope i can get some support with this and thanks if you made it all the way through, hope you are having a wonderful day

[Guest Kay_Boy]

Hi hi!

 

Firstly, I must say that I’m relatively new to the community myself, but I hope I can help in some way.

 

I, personally, don’t feel that it’s a weird thing for you to feel at all, everyone in some capacity wants to feel loved and cared for, no matter if they’re a little, caregiver, pet, or anything else. Like you say, even the smallest motions can have a great impact, so it doesn’t take much just to make someone’s day. 

 

With regards to how you feel about being cared for in a similar aspect, have you considered maybe you’re more a switch in some respects - of course, nothing ever has to be 100% this or that - or maybe it’s just a totally different side and is just a thing you enjoy.

 

Things can seem mightily confusing at the best of times, and I wish you the best of luck.

 

~Kay

[Guest Sunshinekitty]

You could be a switch. There isn't any rule that dictates that a person can be only one thing. People are complex. They have layers. They often have what seem to be conflicting desires.

 

Often, in self discovery, awareness, and basic human needs, they're messy, difficult, and it feels like there aren't any good answers.

 

The reality is that nothing is binary yes or no--there are multiple paths to choose.

 

So, my ultimate suggestion is that you explore that little space for yourself. See how deep it goes for you. It's not greedy to know what you want. It's only greedy if you're not willing to make some compromises in a relationship with the people you love.

 

The answer about why you see so many couples happy in their dynamic is that they communicate with each other, try to understand each other's needs, and ultimately work together to make themselves happy and their relationships to function for them.

 

Because in any relationship, the only commonality is you. And if you're constantly chasing some unknown green grass on the other side, you're not going to be happy in your relationships or with yourself. You might have to choose to be happy with what you've got.

[SmolAetherr]

if you feel like you might be a switch, try it out for a while i have felt that also

 

as for feeling cared for i totally get what you mean a lot of littles seem to focus more the part where they get loved and spoiled and dont seem to understand the doms expect some of that too

 

most of the littles i have talked to sadly seem to behave this way and there comes a point when you think to yourself if this is all you are good for to this person, well atleast i asked myself that question and more often than not it made me feel pretty bad knowing i was really just here to serve another person's fantasy but thats just me

 

yeah us doms need love too, we wants hugs and to be told we are the best and treated like the only person in the world who matters and i dont think you are wrong for feeling that way

i also dont think people should have to settle even if it seems like the norm for a community, its a relationship first and a dynamic second!

 

 

the whole community was based around this dynamic that is more emotionally intense and affectionate than vanilla but less extreme and out and out bdsm and alot of people forget we are here for the fantasy sure, but we are people who crave love and validation and support and safety

 

nobody is exempt from this.

Edited December 5, 2019 by Aetherr

[DaddysPrettyPrincess]

I like to start of by saying hii and welcome. 

 

I think that sometimes littles don't realize that their daddy also wants to feel loved and cared for, sometimes they focus on themselves more. I know that you shouldn't have to express your desire to have small things done for you but it may help with future partners following the same pattern. As for your desires, they sound like you're either a switch or that you like more of a sweet caring little, the ones that love to do things for their dom because it makes them happy. My daddy loves when to be snuggled and loves to have his hair played with, I would love to do everything for him if I could. Liking to be cared for doesn't make you less of a dom. There isn't anything wrong with your feelings and desire either, so maybe just give being a switch a go will help you truly find what you want from a relationship. I wish you the best of luck

[VeryOwnDesire89]

Firstly thanks to those that have read my post aswell as those which have commented.

This is something that is really playing on my mind currently and i don't want to hide away about how i truly feel. I need to be more clear about my emotions rather than always trying to do what i feel is the right thing or bottle things up. Communication is always important to me and i have always said with partners that honesty, and open communication is very important. After all you are meant to try make things work together, as a team, as friends. I just feel like when i communicate it isnt being received properly i guess. I kinda always put my needs on the back burner and settle for just giving more and more but ultimately im kinda hinting that i want you to do this to me also.

Never considered the possibility of a switch or really know much about it tbh, i have focused more on the daddy/little understanding and seemed to have missed an important part which may help in understanding. I feel now i need to put my foot forward and do some research about what this is, how they behave etc etc and maybe try this. Not sure how i am going to achieve this yet but im sure i can figure something out.

Again thanks to everyone , this really means alot to me. I just need to really understand what it is that i want so then i am able to communicate it properly to which the other person understands and can help me with this. Love you all <3

Edited December 5, 2019 by VeryOwnDesire89