Calling long distance

[jojo7]

Okay so my Daddy and i are long distance and he absolutely hates calling but i love it, he said it's not my fault and it's him and that he's just never liked calling. We've kinda been calling recently but we nearly broke up because of one night involving calling, for me it's just calling and hearing him breathe or hear him talk makes me so happy. So now that i guess we're better now i asked him if we could call and fall asleep, he asked me if i would be sad if he said no, i said i guess but yes duhh of course i would be sad, i'm the happiest when we call it's like everything bad in the world goes away. He said no, but he said not never just not often and that like literally broke my heart i know it's not that big but it is to me. He's my whole life he's the only person i talk to when we call. I just hold everything in until i can call him because i trust him with everything he's the only person i want to talk to. He never talks to me about him though and i don't know if that's my fault but i feel like it is, maybe he's not comfortable with me

[SmolAetherr]

some relationships cant handle long distance which is what i am getting here, he doesn't seem willing or comfortable being around in that way you would want and you seem like you are not ok with it so ask yourself if you can live without it because based on how you describe him, he is not willing to call more often but he did make an effort to call sometimes to be fair, again is that enough for you because as you said you have nearly broken up over this already and thats not a good sign in terms of longevity and compatibility especially if the issues that caused it have not lessened much or became any more bearable

 

i wish you nothing but the best

[LittleGirlEmilia]

I feel that if he KNOWS it's important to you, he would buck up and do it. Phone calls are important to me too, even if it's just some company while I drive, or on the days we don't see each other, I appreciate the phone calls and it makes me happy to hear his voice. Even if it's not every night, it's the trying that counts.

 

Buuuuuuuut, to be blunt with you, I personally wouldn't put up with that. You deserve to be loved in the way you want to be, this is obviously important to you and you shouldn't be made to feel like it's your fault. I know in this day and age that texting is more of the done thing, but the bond you make while phoning is important too, especially long distance.

 

Since you have nearly broken up over this, you need to ask yourself, is it worth it?

[redheadprincess98]

He sounds like he is hiding something. Maybe he is married or has a girlfriend? A true daddy that truly loves you and cares about you, would love to do it, because he would get the same excitement you get from listening to you and just feeling a little closer to you, even if he is not that comfortable calling, he would do it just because he loves you and he wants to make you happy. Also, being uncomfortable around his little? Is there such thing? Since DDLG is all about confidence and trust... seriously consider the possibility that he is living with another person. Edited December 1, 2019 by redheadprincess98

[baby_k]

Does he do videocalls with you then? If not even that, then I would be quite worried on the future of your rel. Texting is great but..... it is bit like talking to a black box that magically responds sometimes.

 

People have their limitations but these limitations can also mean that long distance is not for them. Those rels are hard enough without the extra limitations in communication. ( Note: I totally get that if it is their first time calling/videocalling, so it may take little while to get comfy with it but they should put effort in trying it still. )

 

And I would also question his reasoning with this "hate calling" limit as the others have said: is he really being honest with you, is he really interested in focusing on you intensivly, and does he want to make you happy?

[D&Daddy]

To offer a bit of perspective from someone who also hates calling. For me it's not about the talking via voice it's about the use of the phone, I don't know what it is but something about holding that phone and listening to/speaking into it really bothers me even if I'm talking to my family that I've been on the phone with so many times. I have gotten better about it over time with practice so if it's just a matter of needing practice for him to be more comfortable with it then maybe give him time. Make calls in slow incremental steps like watch a film together on the phone if you haven't done that already or you could talk to each other while one of you is out and about, while driving as barbie said, or walking, or in the shops, just different scenarios that help normalise the idea of being on the phone with you. Also personally I don't have the same relucatance to voice call if it's over a program like discord or skype, I don't know why but I feel much more comfortable doing that so maybe it's worth a try if you don't already do that?

 

It definitely doesn't sound like it's your fault though. It just sounds like an issue he has, or maybe the others are right maybe he is hiding something but personally I'd require a reason to suspect that other than just that he's reluctant to use the phone.

[Guest Looby-Lou]

I'm sorry you've been having these problems.

 

Maybe it's true that he hates calling. Some people really don't feel comfortable talking on the phone. BUT in a LDR ... surely it's essential? It's the next best thing to being together, and isn't that what people in a relationship want? Video calls are the best IMO because you can see facial expressions, have eye contact, see each other's environment, clothes etc. 

 

Whatever his reasons for not wanting to call, I think you need to accept he DOESN'T want to. Once you've accepted that, you can decide if you're willing to continue a relationship on that basis. 

If you do continue, THEN his reason might be more important. Like some of the others have said, is there other stuff (or other people) in his life which prevent him calling you? But if you're not willing to live with the lack of calls, then you'll need to end the relationship, and so his reason for not calling doesn't matter! I hope that makes sense to you?

 

When I had a LDR we called each other frequently. He would audio call me as he drove to work, I would wake up at odd hours to speak to him (he worked shifts), he would wake up at odd hours to call me (if he was asleep during the day). We made a lot of EFFORT to "see" and speak to each other. I can't imagine a LDR without that.

 

Good luck and I wish you happiness ... with him, on your own, or with someone else ... just find YOUR happiness.

 

Looby    

[redheadprincess98]

To offer a bit of perspective from someone who also hates calling. For me it's not about the talking via voice it's about the use of the phone, I don't know what it is but something about holding that phone and listening to/speaking into it really bothers me even if I'm talking to my family that I've been on the phone with so many times. I have gotten better about it over time with practice so if it's just a matter of needing practice for him to be more comfortable with it then maybe give him time. Make calls in slow incremental steps like watch a film together on the phone if you haven't done that already or you could talk to each other while one of you is out and about, while driving as barbie said, or walking, or in the shops, just different scenarios that help normalise the idea of being on the phone with you. Also personally I don't have the same relucatance to voice call if it's over a program like discord or skype, I don't know why but I feel much more comfortable doing that so maybe it's worth a try if you don't already do that?

 

It definitely doesn't sound like it's your fault though. It just sounds like an issue he has, or maybe the others are right maybe he is hiding something but personally I'd require a reason to suspect that other than just that he's reluctant to use the phone.

Hi! I just wanted to say that you dont need “hold the phone and speak into it”, loudspeaker, airpods or regular earpods, are all options that allow people to go about their business and “talk” or simply share the moment with daddy. I mean other than when he is at work, he can be on the phone pretty much all the time and it’s kinda essential in a LDR.

[D&Daddy]

Hi! I just wanted to say that you dont need “hold the phone and speak into it”, loudspeaker, airpods or regular earpods, are all options that allow people to go about their business and “talk” or simply share the moment with daddy. I mean other than when he is at work, he can be on the phone pretty much all the time and it’s kinda essential in a LDR.

 

I absolutely agree, that's something he could try. Personally using speaker or earbuds helps lessen that anxiety of speaking on the phone for me (though it doesn't remove it in the same way that say using discord does). Maybe if he doesn't already that could help him too if that's his issue.

[Guest DemureBelle]

Definitely sit down and have a talk with him. He needs to know that your  need for phone calls goes beyond a simple 'want'. LDR relationships require twice as much effort from all people involved in the relationship and phone calls are a simple requirement for that.  I think it's important that you share all of your concerns with him so you can find a resolution together.