Help, how do i overcome her toxic friends

[Seija_Ryu]

Hello, so my girl friend and little one have friends online that are also ddlg, but their advice and attitude toward me for being new to the life style are throwing off the confidence my little one has in me. How would i get them tp stop trying to supersede me in her daily life?

[SmolAetherr]

by telling your partner how you feel and trusting her to make the decision

[LittleGirlEmilia]

In my opinion, they should helping you, helping you would mean helping her also. So what exactly do they get out of it? An insecurity within themselves about the lifestyle most likely. Typical of bullying tbh. You will need to communicate this to her, ask for adult time and tell her how you feel, or tell your friends that the way they're coming off isn't helping, even if they don't mean to be and that you would like constructive advice.

 

You can always come here if you need advice, we're always happy to help newbies.

[redheadprincess98]

You are not explaining the situation in full, and maybe her friends see something you don’t, and it’s not about “confidence”, maybe you are the toxic one or your relationship with her? And they are trying to get her to open her eyes. I mean... are you abusive? Controlling? Talk to her, and also and more important: LISTEN TO HER!!!! Listen to what she is trying to say because if she is listening to her friends, there is a reason.

[Lil' Miss Dolly]

Theres so many possibilties here and we don't know the full story obviously. Like do her friends have CGs? Maybe they're just jealous she has one and they dont (this happens even in relationships that arent within the community) some people are just insecure and childish. I have a hard time believing that her friends opinions alone are causing her to lose confidence in you as her CG if your actions are nothing but confidence building. Is your Little the follower type? is she easily swayed by the opinions of others? Are you maybe making mistakes that are infact toxic or abusive? Some inexperienced CGs tend to over compensate in the beginning because they are uneducated, Jumped into the role without researching or havent learned moderation and it can be super toxic and unpleasant to deal with - Some realize their mistakes and learn and can actually turn out to be loving caring dominants... Some continue to be toxic abusive douchelords... Some come into BDSM because they are already Toxic Abusive douchelords and think they can hide behind the title of "dom/me" and somehow their behavior is acceptable. Your statement alone about stopping her friends from "Superseding" you is kind of concerning - Her friends arent your competition and social isolation is a very real thing and can do a crapload of damage so tread that path very carefully.  Her friends may be hateful, jealous, Insecure jerk offs but you can't see them as competition or something to eliminate. You can give her your opinion, Tell her how they make you feel but she needs to make that choice and go from there but NEVER, EVER try to isolate someone from their friends. If they are toxic you can 100% voice your opinion but under no circumstances is it okay to force her to cut them off. If these people are Toxic and she refuses to see it or cant see it then you need to decide what your next step is. 

 

We were all new to this lifestyle at one point - we all made mistakes but the good ones learn from their mistakes. Talk to her and see what is actually shaking her confidence. It's super easy to blame an outside influence but if you were being an ideal DD and making zero mistakes.. her friends opinions shouldnt be enough for her to question your ability to take on the role. Maybe she's confiding in her friends about things youre falling short on because she feels she cant talk to you... Maybe your Little is incapable of coming to her own conclusions and has the sheep mentality. Maybe she's currently just not confident or mentally mature enough herself to be consenting to a BDSM Dynamic, Maybe you're currently not mentally mature or confident enough to be a DD. This is why research and negotiation is so important before titles get thrown around and power is exchanged.

 

Maybe you're just a victim of her having poopy, overbearing friends. Maybe you're falling short or misusing your station as her CG, Maybe neither of you really understand what this type of dynamic requires but one things for sure... You need to communicate with her and be honest.. as Adults - Not as a Little/CG. I cant stress enough how dire proper communication is. Without that - You're doomed to fail regardless of the reason behind your current turbulence. 

[Seija_Ryu]

Talking to the cg of the other couple one on one help a ton,

They didn’t realize how they were coming off, or that constantly telling me i was wrong or bad was affecting our relationship. When it was just a lack of familiarity.

 

They’ve agreed that if they think i’m doing something wrong they’ll talk to me directly. Instead of calling out my mistake in group chats and saying i only have x chances. They were being extremely over protective, and very over baring. And they explained that they were acting that way because of her ex.

 

The last thing they didn’t like is the lack of rules i had set with her.

Now i know about important rules. Like bed time, making sure she eats right, and doesn’t just lay in bed all day. !