Confusion and Learning

[Guest Kay_Boy]

Okay, so, I know I’m very new here and to the community in general but I already feel like I’m learning more about myself.

 

Funnily enough, through an online roleplay. Has anyone else ever found out more about themselves this way?

 

I found a partner for an RP that was based around what I thought I wanted initially - but now after a few hours I realise that it really isn’t a sexual thing for me, and more of a caring/nurturing/guiding side to it all - I do feel pretty stupid, in all honesty.

[Guest Looby-Lou]

Firstly, PLEASE don't feel stupid. There's nothing stupid about not being sure what you want - and being brave enough to try different things until you do find out! I'd say that's pretty smart.

 

Secondly, a few hours of RP with one person might not be the definitive answer as to whether or not you like a particular "side of things".

Maybe you really don't want anything sexual, that's fine. Or maybe you'd like sexual AND nurturing/caring etc. Had you spoken with this person at length before doing the RP? It's pretty hard for someone you don't know to be properly nurturing.

And maybe you haven't got anything to compare this experience to.

 

I'd suggest you give yourself time to explore yourself without any sense of judgement or right/wrong. It's perfectly ok to like what you like and dislike what you dislike - and it can take a LONG time to figure out the subtleties of both those things.

 

Be kind to yourself

 

Looby 

[Guest Kay_Boy]

Looby, thank you for your reply, it’s started to put my mind at ease (which sometimes isn’t easy)

 

I hadn’t really spoken to them much beforehand, but it seemed clear from what they were asking of me was that they were focused on the sexual side of it. I’m not the greatest with communication sometimes, and I can often speak before I think - something I’m slowly working on.

 

Like you say, I do think I need to try and go without a sense of self-judgement, or any bias, I guess?

 

But yes, thank you again

[Guest Looby-Lou]

If you're in the early stages of exploring kink dynamics, please do be careful. Take things slowly, get to know someone as a PERSON before throwing yourself into role-play with them.

 

That way you stand less chance of putting yourself in unsuitable situations or getting your feelings hurt.

 

If you speak before you think, or agree to things impulsively (?), then maybe make a rule for yourself that you won't role-play with anyone until you've spoken to them at least 6 times (or something like that).  I don't know if that's appropriate for you, it's just a suggestion.

 

Good luck, have fun, stay safe

 

Looby   

[Guest Kay_Boy]

Impulsive, that was the word I was looking for!

 

And that’s some great advice, I’ll have to keep that in mind to make a rule like that, thank you.

 

Time to start a long and winding journey, I think!