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Thoughts re considering a vanilla relationship


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Posted

Well, take it easy XP Exes are... dangerous, as there once was reson you fell for him but also there was reason you ditched him.

 

How it seems to me a bit is like you would be thinking that he is your "only" option ( which he obviously isn't ) or at least the one available now. Of course if he can make you happy, then go for it. But don't settle!

 

I do date vanilla too but only as I know that my needs can be met there too if I just find bit dominant dude. So, I can be fexible. Having actual daddy would be great but not necessary for my relatinship happiness. You just need to consider if being little is super important to you, I guess. But I also would let the vanilla dude have possibility to try this as they may like it ( and it may take little bit time before they fully are okay with the most extreme ideas obviously, I doubt you took all ideas in the second you heard about them either ). At least I have come across with lot of originally totally vanilla guys who then are more than excited to go with this stuff with me ( both sexually and otherwise ).

 

Sooo, just remind yourself of your own needs and don't ignore them ( which is way too easy when falling for someone ). Maybe write down your needs and desires and how important they are to you? And go back to that paper sometimes, so you see if you are investing in wrong rel that won't serve you much good.

Posted

Ooh, sorry, I correct: your only option you consider like somewhat interesting. That's what I meant, as those dudes who are around but don't really make you tick or dream or hope... they don't count! XP As if you had those really interesting dudes around, I don't think you would be as excited about your ex as you are. I may be wrong of course but you seem to see clearly the issues linked with him and have doubts -> if you had perfect daddy you find enchanting around, it would probably be easier to just brush the ex off and not think too much about it.

 

I thought once that I would need daddy too but it was the honeymoon phase with ddlg. Soo, don't close up the vanilla world just yet but also don't settle for something that would always make you wonder if you could get more or be happier if you just would have xxx. It's not healthy. And you may be in that sort of situation if your ex is amazing but then can't offer you all you crave NOW. I say "now" as maybe later you would be okay with less ddlg. If in the honeymoon phase you go into vanilla rel, I think you would always feel bit unsatisfied. Bit like people with only one sexual partner: some of them at least wonder how it would be otherwise, little regret of not having experiences... So, be selfish and think what you want and need, and then go and get it ^_^

Guest Looby-Lou
Posted

Ha ha! You've got it exactly LOL.

 

Thank you so very very much for sharing your suggestions and thoughts  :wub:

You've helped me a LOT.

 

Helped me to understand myself better, and my current situation. Your words are reassuring. I'm still very inexperienced with DDlg. Probably it's a case of "time will tell" ... tell if I absolutely NEED a D/s DDlg set up, or can be happy with mostly vanilla.

 

Looby 

Posted

Ah, Looby, I loved reading your story! What a surprise! Glad things turned out better than expected. ;)

Guest Looby-Lou
Posted

Ah, Looby, I loved reading your story! What a surprise! Glad things turned out better than expected. ;)

 

 

Thank you, thought it was going to be a happy Xmas, but sadly had a horrible crash landing. Found out he's a drug user.

That's a total no-go for me, had to stop seeing him.

 

Looby  :(

Posted
That's a rough one but it's better to find out early before becoming invested.
Posted

Ah, sorry to hear.  :(  But maybe he'll stop knowing it turns potential partners off.

 

I hope you find somebody even better!

Guest Looby-Lou
Posted

That's a rough one but it's better to find out early before becoming invested.

Thank you Little kaiya. Yep. Definitely better sooner than later. Still very tough as it's someone I had a very meaningful relationship with years ago, so I care about him.

 

Ah, sorry to hear.  :(  But maybe he'll stop knowing it turns potential partners off.

 

I hope you find somebody even better!

Thanks LittleTeacup, hopefully the New Year will bring a more suitable DaddyDom. I'll make a magic wish  :wub:

 

But going back to my original post, there's often threads on here about "how can I tell my bf I'm a little" or something similar. 

I hope this story illustrates how even when we think someone will be horrified at our kink, they might not be. So if you've met someone in a vanilla setting don't automatically assume they'll be turned off by your kinks. If you get on well generally, it's worth exploring further and you might be happily surprised.

 

In my recent dating experiences, 3 out of 4 were guys I met in a vanilla way. The first one was already kinky (not a Daddy but that's what got me exploring my own kinky self). The other two had never heard of DDlg but were enthusiastic.

 

Looby :)  

  • Like 1
Posted

Adding on to what Looby has just said, I met my daddy on a vanilla dating website and assumed he was vanilla.

 

He wasn't.

 

It can happen. You never know.

  • 3 weeks later...
Posted
I am worried that the ex might be a little rough for you, but if it works out better than the first time. I'm happy for you. I love seeing people happy in healthy relationships.

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