Advice on my relationship please

[Fluffydino]

[Little kaiya]

If you're partner is prioritizing sex over your health, ie. demanding videos when you're in the hospital, or threatening to break up with you if you dont send sexual content, these are, to me, major red flags that this person doesn't really care about your health or well being and is just using you for sexual gratification. I hate to sound so harsh but what you describe is NOT someone who cares for their partner, not in a DDlg or a vanilla context.

 

The fact he tells you you're pretty or a good girl does NOT make him a good guy. There are a lot of manipulative and mentally/emotionally abusive people who do the same thing. Please, note, I'm not saying he falls into that category automatically but what you describe certainly leans in that general direction.

 

You've described your partners behaviour as "creepy", that is another serious red flag to me. It's one thing not to always be into sexual things, that's common, it's another to describe your partners behaviour as creepy.

 

In terms of diapers and bottles, DON'T SETTLE for someone just because they're ok with including those things. It took me years but I finally found my current Daddy and he LOVES that stuff, there are genuinely good Daddies who do.

 

As for your relationship, it doesn't sound like you're doing anything wrong but, to me perhaps only, it sounds like a more important question than "how do I improve it", is "is it really healthy and good for you?".

 

Just being in a relationship should never take precedence over being single but being healthy. If you're always worried and doing things just so someone doesn't leave you . . . Well, I encourage you to step back from dating, focus on yourself, learn to live and accept yourself and THEN continue dating. Relationships should not be about fear of losing someone, they should be about celebrating and supporting one another and mutual respect and love.

 

Little kaiya

[Alaskan Daddy]

As a daddy The first thing I tell any little that their feelings and desires and needs are just as important as their daddy's.

After reading your posting I feel that your feelings, desires and needs are not important to your daddy. No where in

your posting do I see where you said your daddy was meeting your emotional needs. I feel you have been manipulated into

feeling that you are not worthy of your daddy. I can tell you are a loving little who wants to give your daddy what he

desires. But I would have you ask yourself if your daddy is giving you all your desire from him. I am appalled by his

sexual demands of you. The relationship between daddy and little should be one of mutual respect and mutual uplifting.

The daddy should put the needs and desires of the little above his sexual demands. If you are to stay with him and be

happy then you need to have a meaningful conversation with him so that his behavior towards you is one of respect

and supportive of your needs and desires as you have supported him. Your relationship should not be one where he

threatens to leave because you hesitate to give in to his sexual demands. That is disgusting manipulation.

I hope this helps you achieve your goal. Good luck and remember that your feelings matter

[baby_k]

--so every night I would send him videos of me touching myself even when I was sick and there was a period of time when I went to the hospital and I still sent videos of myself because I was so scared he would leave me. But I know my daddy is a good guy because he still tells me I'm pretty and that I'm a good girl, and he would tuck me in when he wasn't busy.

 

That's about all I need to point out to you. Your rel is highly unbalanced.

 

Personal opinion but I think sexual content is WAY less important than for example the tugging in ritual that brings the couple emotional closeness. You really need to have a talk with him. If he is such great guy as you think, he definately doesn't want you to deliver sexual content when you are too busy, sick or anything else that makes it something else than purely fun for you. Sex should be enjoyable for you too EVERYTIME. You will ruin your own sexuality if you do stuff you don't really want to do ( this doesn't just mean acts but doing stuff you normally like in time you don't want it ), and no one should ever ask you to do that. Specially not the person who should look after you and who cares about you.

[angel <3]

hey love!!

 

apologies for the essay-length response i have written lol, i wanted to make sure i covered everything you've addressed!

 

i know its hard, but if someone cared about you they would not treat you as your daddy has been treating you, and you deserve much, much better. forcing you out of little space and encouraging you to stop studying are both things that suggest to me he is not a good boyfriend and definitely not a good daddy. the whole point of someone identifying as a caregiver is them liking taking care of their littles. he should be looking after you while you're in little space, not forcing you out of it, and encouraging you to do activities such as studying, like a parent would. the fact that he hasn't noticed his comments make you uncomfortable suggests he's paying little attention to your reactions to his advances, or he simply doesn't care, both of which are red flags. and the fact that he has threatened to break up with you because you're not 'pleasing him enough' worries me. your relationship should not just be about him getting off, and i think the fact that he is willing to break up with you over something like that speaks volumes.

 

in this situation, no matter what you think, it is not a case of you not being good enough for him, nor is it a case of you not being able to make him happy. like kaiya said, him telling you you're pretty and calling you a good girl does NOT equal him being a good guy, and i definitely agree with her suggestion to ask yourself if your relationship with your daddy is really healthy. you should never, ever beg for someone to stay, especially not out of fear of them leaving and although its normal to have doubts about your own self worth, it's not okay to be regularly asking yourself if you're good enough for your partner, especially not when he's treating you how this man is. in a situation where you do feel like you're not good enough, you should be able to discuss it with him and be reassured that that isn't the case, not made to feel worse by him and his actions. it's also not okay for you to put his happiness above your own. your happiness and wellbeing should always come first. always!! and if you're not capable of putting yourself first then perhaps, right now, a relationship is not right for you. 

 

with all this being said, i understand your reluctance to leave him. a year is a long time, and being in love with someone can often cloud your judgement. it sounds to me like this is something you haven't bought up to him? one of the most important things in a relationship (in my opinion) is communication. although from an outsiders perspective, your partners behaviour seems worrying, only the two of you really know your relationship. be brutally honest with yourself, ignore that nagging fear of being abandoned and listen to your gut. if you are questioning your relationship, and him, in any way, i'd seriously consider ending things. if you feel your relationship is healthy or there's a chance it could be, you need to tell him how you feel. tell him that you're not comfortable with how much sex he wants, that he should not be forcing you out of little space, or stopping your studying, or threatening to break up with you at all, let alone because he can't respect the boundaries you are trying to enforce. if he is not willing to listen to what you have to say, take it in, and really change how he's been acting then you should not be with him. i have no doubt, that he thinks he can get away with the way he's been acting because he's aware that you're scared of him leaving you and doesn't expect you to leave him. that's absolutely not okay, and you need to make it clear that if he carries on the way he has been, you can't stay with him any longer - and follow through if you have to. if he won't change, then i can guarantee you you will be much better without him. you do not need, nor should you want, that kind of person involved in your life.

 

whatever happens between the two of you, please remember you are loved and adored, and try your hardest to always put yourself first. stand your ground, and do not let him walk all over you! although relationships often involve sacrifices, you've already made enough. please don't make any more.

 

if you need any more advice or just someone to talk to, don't hesitate to send me a message, i'd be more than happy to listen to whatever is going on.

 

take care 

 

p.s. your english is amazing, i can only imagine how good your chinese is!

Edited November 14, 2019 by angel <3

[Daddybears PLB]

Im sorry to hear you are feeling such turmoil.

I think you need to have a mature and open conversation between you both and share both of you're wants and needs in a relationship, what can you's both find a middle ground on or compromise on so you both can be fulfilled and happy in the relationship. If after that conversation you both still are not on the same wave length or feel the compatability isn't there then there's only one option and that is to leave each other to find a more suited match because you both deserve to be with someone you feel completely happy and relaxed with.

I've spent years with the wrong people in my past, justifying their behaviours and trying to convince myself they're who i want to be with but now that I've found my perfect match i cannot believe i was wasting my time on something that would never work out.

Don't let your fear control your decisions, there will be other people out there to find to love you for who you are and you won't need to change for them.

 

I don't think it's either of your faults sometimes wrong matches create toxic relationships and neither can see it. But it's not right to continue accepting behaviour that doesn't give you the respect you deserve.

 

I hope you resolve this situation go on and live a fulfilling happy life xx

[Guest Sunshinekitty]

I'm going to keep this short.

 

Your "CG" has turned your relationship into a transaction where you have to give him sex in exchange for him--actually being in your relationship.

 

That's not caring or loving. That's damaging.

 

Someone complimenting you doesn't make them "good."

 

Only you can decide if you want to deal with his behaviors or not. I wouldn't--there are other, better, loving people who won't make your relationship tit for tat.

 

You deserve better than this.

[Fluffydino]

Thank you guys for replying my post !!! Maybe I should have made it a bit more clear but my daddy really is a good guy!!! He will text me good morning and goodnight whenever he's free and he doesn't really punish me or scold me! Daddy always tells me that I'm super lucky to have him because other daddies don't have enough time for their littles ,so I am very lucky to have a daddy like him! I really want to continue being with him...I feel like he's the only one who thinks I'm pretty or special, I never knew my real parents so having him around comforts me and makes me feel wanted. I just want my daddy to be happy and want to be around me...I know I'm not good enough for him so I try to make him like proud of me by like eating little , exercise lots and wear all the clothes he likes, I'm just having a hard time telling him that maybe I just don't want a lot of play time because sometimes I really don't feel well because of my weak immune system and I just want to rest and cuddle. Edited November 17, 2019 by Fluffydino

[Little kaiya]

You are the only one who can decide if the relationship is right or good for you. I hate to say it but it honestly sounds more like you're trying to convince yourself he's a good guy rather than convince anyone else.

 

A couple points you may or may not wish to consider:

 

1) texting good morning or good night takes literally a couple of seconds. That is something most people make time to do for their partners. It shouldn't be a "when he's free" kind of thing. If he truly cares it can EASILY be an every day thing.

 

2) a good partner, Daddy or otherwise, doesn't have to spend their time TELLING you that you're lucky to have them. If you're lucky to have them you would feel that way on your own. If they're constantly telling you that you're lucky to have them ask yourself why you have to be constantly reminded instead of reaching that conclusion on your own

 

3) feeling like he's the only one that thinks you're pretty or special . . . Sadly it sounds likes he's made you feel that way which is a classic symptom of an abusive relationship

 

4) you don't feel comfortable engaging in open and honest communication with him so feel you HAVE TO do things that you don't want to do

 

Consider this, if someone you really love and care for described the above would you be telling them they're "lucky" to have this person in their life?

 

Good partners build one another up, support one another, respect one another and care. They don't make their partner feel like their the only one that will ever care or love them . . . That's what manipulators and abusers do. Please, take care of yourself and love yourself first as YOU should be the most important person in your life first.

 

Little kaiya

Edited November 15, 2019 by Little kaiya

[neko]

Daddy always tells me that I'm super lucky to have him because other daddies don't have enough time for their littles

Please listen when I and everyone in this thread tell you that this is abuse and a manipulation tactic.

 

he's making you THINK that he is the only person that will love you, make you feel special and have time for you, so you dont leave him. He is creating these false ideas so he can keep you around for his own selfish needs.

 

You are worthy of love. You are worthy of a Daddy that listens to you when you say you don't want to play. You are worthy of a Daddy that understands all of your boundaries.

 

Would a good guy make you feel bad for not wanting to send him dirty videos? Would a good guy make you send him those videos while you are in the hospital? Would a good guy threaten to break up with you if you do not meet his ridiculous demands?

 

This is obviously your own choice to be with him, but it is not a good idea.

Edited November 15, 2019 by neko

[Guest Sunshinekitty]

I wish I knew how to quote...anyhoo...

 

"Daddy always tells me that I'm super lucky to have him because other daddies don't have enough time for their littles ,so I am very lucky to have a daddy like him"

 

I'm going to be very frank--how would he know the dynamics that other littles have with their partners? That's an intimate detail that no one but the people involved have a grasp on.

 

Relationship attention is not a contest.

 

It's also untrue.

 

If someone has to tell you something about them that you can't observe otherwise--that's probably not the reality of the situation.

 

This is textbook gaslighting. And the fact that you feel you need to defend his behaviors is really scary. Do yourself a favor and talk to a therapist about this. It might help you see the picture better than we can.