rant sorry but has any one had this problem

[tokki]

havent really been feeling so little lately and wen i do i dont want to because i feel a bit guilty about it

 

me and my ex broke up a while back and i felt it while i was dating him i slowly started not being myself he would say things like we do you talk like that or act this way and that a guy talking about being his gf's daddy was weird so i just never told him i was a little sense i didn't want to make him not like me i felt more and more like i was the only one that cared and he would always be upset so i felt like i had became the caregiver even tho he yelled at me for trying to get him pain killers wen he was in a lot of pain 

 

been wit him messed me up and confused me and now i dont feel like myself yesterday i went to disneyland wit my friends one of them is a friend that ive made out wit a few times and always helps me get into little space because he knows about me being a little so he calls me brat and wen im being too bratty he'll give me a little punishment but will also hug me and rub my head or shoulder to help me feel better if im getting moody 

 

yesterday was the first time in a while that i felt like myself again and i realized its because all the people ive been dating have been vanilla or they just have a small kink of pulling my hair or they just say you im a daddy but then they start acting like a little as well and it just brings me out of it and into my work persona also my friend is the only one i can be little around but then wen he starts talking about other girls i get upset and i dont like it but i know i should be feeling that way 

[Guest Littledreamer95]

Seem's like you've been really unlucky in your relationships. But don't stop being yourself because of it!

Just like any little ,you deserve to feel little and loved by being who you really are ^^

[Guest Sunshinekitty]

But also--unless you've spoken to your friend and moved your understanding to something more, it's not ok to be jealous of who they date. You're friends, not exclusive. If you want exclusivity, ask if they want that between you.

 

Don't let jealousy muck up a good friendship. They sound pretty awesome. Ask if they want more.

[Guest purpleroses06]

It sucks that your past relationships have been vanilla, or just small kinks, but it seems like you have feelings for your friend! It's okay to feel jealous, just because he isn't yours doesn't mean you don't have the right to feel that way, you can feel any way you want too, it's you just been a normal human being, no need to feel guilty about it! Your friend could also be your caregiver, you don't have to be in a relationship, or he can babysit you sometimes! 

[SmolAetherr]

sounds like you have feelings for your friend, have you talked to them about it, maybe they have feelings to

 

or is it a casual arrangement?