Ghosted by my first Daddy/Dom? Feel stupid. Rant

[Bloodmages]

I recently found out that I was into bdsm, then later ddlg. I decided to give it a go! I ended up talking to this really sweet guy online and it was AMAZING for all of.. 2 weeks? But I'm extremely clingy and I suppose it was my mistake to get so attached. More time goes by, he says hes embarrassed to text me in front of friends, went out to a party and didnt let me know if he was ok at the end of it and didnt even send me a goodmorning text. I found out later he stayed the night at a friends house - lol, ok bud. Didnt get any goodmorning/night messages at all anymore after that :c I confronted him about it and the only real reason I got was him feeling "meh". Alright, I empathize. I have depression/anxiety and I'm bipolar so I know how moods can be random. More time, more distance. At this point theres no DDLG dynamic at all. I felt blessed and rewarded when I would get a single couple word sentence. This weekend he said he probably wont reply much since he needs alone time. I didnt expect that to mean no messages at all, and not even OPENING my messages to him. The weekend is over and I've been completely ignored since then.

 

I feel like an idiot. I got too excited and deliriously happy that I was able to finally be myself around someone. I wasnt noticing signs and was doing mental cartwheels trying to make excuses and reasons for his actions. I gave so much of myself to this man and recieved nothing. I feel like I'm one of those cautionary tales people tell to littles to not get hurt. And I walked right into it!!

 

I'm extremely clingy and anxious with very little self-confidence. Maybe that's what changed. When I felt comfortable to talk about all that he seemed super supportive, understanding and loving. Did he just get sick of it? I'm sure it's frustrating trying to be in a relationship with someone that needs constant confirmation they're loved or even liked.

 

I'm not turned off of DDLG because of this experience though. The beginning was absolutely amazing and gives me hope for what could be. But.. maybe just not wear my heart on my sleeve so much haha ;;

[Guest EllianaNarna]

I sympathise completely. My first "daddy dom" (and I use quotation marks because I gave my doubts he was a dom at all, let alone a dd) was a manipulative jerk. Don't let it get you down - the right daddy for you is out there somewhere

[ddydaycare]

Sorry  this  happened  to  you.  I  can  empathize  with  you  as  I  have  been  ghosted  here  by  littles.  It  doesn't  just  happen  to  littles.  I  am  glad  you  are  not  giving  up.  If  you  want  to  chat  you  can  message  me  if  you  like.  Take  care.  

[SmolAetherr]

to be fair you knew him for 2 weeks and for some guys the things you said may come off as "coming on too strong"

Edited October 29, 2019 by Aetherr

[Bloodmages]

I sympathise completely. My first "daddy dom" (and I use quotation marks because I gave my doubts he was a dom at all, let alone a dd) was a manipulative jerk. Don't let it get you down - the right daddy for you is out there somewhere

Yeah, I knew it would be kinda uncertain since I'm so inexperienced and he seeeemed to know what he was doing haha. But hindsight is 20/20 so I'm trying to use this and learn from my mistakes!!

Sorry  this  happened  to  you.  I  can  empathize  with  you  as  I  have  been  ghosted  here  by  littles.  It  doesn't  just  happen  to  littles.  I  am  glad  you  are  not  giving  up.  If  you  want  to  chat  you  can  message  me  if  you  like.  Take  care.

 

Ahh man I'm sorry to hear that :c anyone can ghost anyone and it sucks.

to be fair you knew him for 2 weeks and for some guys the things you said may come off as "coming on too strong"

Oh, things just slowly went south after the two weeks, it was longer than that. But you're completely right! I'm usually pretty self concious about that kinda thing, but I felt that the intensity was on both sides and he said he liked it. The switch just seemed totally out of the blue which is why I'm so bothered. I would've been fine if he just said what was up and that I was a bit to much ya know :c

[Lollipox]

You knew him for 2 weeks and he was already your Daddy?

I understand you said you’re clingy and get easily attached but that is SO fast.

Not that time quantity always has to dictate the success of a relationship, but dayumnnn girl.

 

I’m sorry that you’re hurting, but also think you need to a lil more reserved in future to save yourself some hurt.

It’s rare that a guy willing to rush into a DDlg dynamic is a classy gentleman who’s in it for the long haul.

 

It’s almost a disservice to the lifestyle or dynamic to be goin’ balls deep into it without taking time to get to know and trust the other person. Though I get that some people do prefer the more RP or fantastical side of it.

 

Take the time to get to know your future partner better. Time helps because you get to see how they handle various situations and how they react to certain life events (for you or them). Consider it like a marshmallow fluff casing for your heart and emotions, you can melt it off once you feel safe with them.

 

And now I’m thinking about picnic ants.

I gotta go.

 

Sorry again though.

 

 

PS

Edited October 30, 2019 by Guest

[princess cotton grass]

two weeks is way to early to be calling someone your dom, regardless of how clingy you are. i recommend doing some research into bdsm and ddlg before jumping into any relationship. giving your submission away so early can be dangerous so please be careful

 

 

[Bloodmages]

I'm sorry I didnt mean to do a disservice to the lifestyle.

 

I already felt like a fool, now I definately do. Maybe I'm just too vulnerable for anything right now or even in the future.

[LittleCelticLass]

I'm hoping the intent of the others here was not to make you feel worse, but to try and help you (and anyone else new to the lifestyle reading this) learn from a rookie mistake that sooooo many littles make. And I for one don't think you meant to do DDlg a disservice. So please don't beat yourself up more than you already are.

That said, please, please slow down next time. Do yourself a favor and actually get to know a potential partner as a person, and friend first. Haste only leads to heartache. And while you are getting to know people, get to know yourself. Read everything, then read the stuff that speaks to you again. Learn what you want, and need from a Daddy Dom. And don't give up.

I'm super clingy myself, but you have to protect your heart.

 

Good luck.

[Lollipox]

LCL is right. I don’t think anyone purposefully came here to make you feel even worse. And tone is difficult to convey via text over the internet.

 

Keep in mind that this is just some random forum, and when someone makes a topic they open themselves up to ALL opinions. There’s no way to control what response people will give. And the responses are sometimes generalized for the purpose of addressing this issue for anyone who might otherwise make the same mistakes, and hopefully prevent others from experiencing the same situation- rather than being personal towards the OP.

 

All we have to follow on by is whatever information the OP provides. In this instance, whilst you may have been like “hey guys, I’m feeling really hurt right now”, the focus was drawn into the actual time frame in which you initiated your relationship with the person that caused you the hurt. Because you were honest and offered up that information.

 

You sound upset in your last response, and didn’t quote me directly so maybe you didn’t think I’d care to check up. But just know you’re not the only person to wear their heart on their sleeve and give too much of themselves to others, whether it’s relationships or friendships. You’re not an idiot. It’s unfortunately a part of who a lot of us are (especially Littles). The harshest way to learn to adjust that is through being hurt by others.

[Guest Sunshinekitty]

Don't feel foolish--you're floundering around with new relationship style thingies.

 

I think everyone here is mostly trying to say--it's good to take things slower, negotiate, and communicate before formalizing anything.

 

Next time, you'll probably have a better feel for what it looks like, and enthusiasm or not you'll be okay.

 

I know it hurts when people ignore or put space in between when it's so exciting in those new moments. It's all learning, and now you have new perspective on maybe what not to do and what you will look for in the next DD.

 

It sucks that you were ghosted, heartache and all. You'll get through this and it will be okay.

[Bloodmages]

Oh no! I'm sorry I probably sounded a bit snippy or upset. I'm also on mobile and new to posting so quoting is a bit of a pain.

 

Just a lil fragile, I dont usually post things and it ended up confirming what I was thinking in my head. But yes!! Thank you so much for the responses. I need to learn to think of things in perspective and not just a little bubble in my head ya know? I'll definately make sure to try and approach any future relationships (ddlg or not) slowly and not jump head first. My limited track record with relationships is.. not good and that's probably the main reason. I get so swept up in the idea that someone actually maybe likes me, that I meet their basic kindness with all of myself.

[Guest sshyguy123]

I can empathize with you there m'lady about getting swept up in the moment Fortunately it sounds like you are willing to learn from your mistakes! You would be surprised how many don't.

 

I think the key is trying to find the proper balance between enthusiasm and restraint! Once you get a feel for the person, be open and upfront about your needs and wants and see what the response is. I'm not a Dom so i'm not sure what dynamics exist there or are needed in a Dom/Sub relationship but as a CG i think that part of my 'duties' would be to assist in tempering the enthusiasm if things were progressing too quickly. But thats just my perspective and im sure others would disagree

 

Just keep the faith!!! Every CG is different in their own way and it'll probably take a lot of trial and error till you find the right fit for you. Just be honest if things aren't working for you, wish them well and try try again!!!!

Edited October 30, 2019 by sshyguy123

[Joel Batty]

With all the shame in the world I must admit I've done the same thing once a few years ago, and it has haunted me ever since (even after I apologised). What I can tell you about it, is that in his mind he probably lost the sense of being a Dom because he had to tell you where he was. Now this is most likely part real, part his own fears and insecurities. As you've been advised by everyone here, taking it slower is better, but for you, not him. Daddies also need to grow up and be stable if we mean to take care of a little.

[baby_k]

It's easy to say that guard your heart but sometimes ah, so hard to do

 

Lemme share a story from my own life, as I have had my moments of getting attached bit too fast and then be upset as the dude wasn't really up to my fantasy ( as that it is when you don't really know the other person ). I'm still sort of supriced that I was able to avoid that upset without turning into cynical sceptic who gards their emotions way too much.

 

 

As older and wiser ( not ) I met this bloke on my vaccation, we kinda did hit off but like it could never be anything because of the distance. So, I was actually happy just to have that sort of positive experience with someone who was decent and polite: I had great experience.

 

But he wanted to keep in touch and remeet at some point. I started to actually like the idea and see him as potential suitor. Got all giggly and excited. I really loved the feeling of having a crush on him. I was thinking that at least it lifts my spirits and makes me feel excited about life, even if it ends badly. I also figured that there is no issue of having hope that it all will end like in fairy tales, as what is life if you don't have hope? Just as long as I could appreciate the experince even if it won't end like that ( I did remind mysef about this often! ).

 

I also figured that it is not bad to open up, and open my heart to someone, as I knew from experience that after few ( or bit more ) tears, I could get over the possible hurt. So, to give that relationship a real chance, to give the dude a chance to really know me and learn about me, I was not guarding my feelings neuroticly. I liked him and had real romantic interest on him, just that I would have needed to know him a lot better to really know if we would work, and to be able to love him. ( Imo you have to really know the other person to love them, or you are just loving your fantasy -not them ).

 

Understanding that it can, and probably will hurt, and being okay with that, is sort of liberty and power as you can then chooce knowingly what you want to do. In someways, I see it as pretty adult thing that one can see possible consequences and take real responsability over them. And choose to risk it

 

So, what happened? He disappered in middle of a convo. For while I was hoping that maybe it was because he was just busy or something happened as it didn't fit my image and idea of him to act that way. I actually was not stressing much like I normally had done. I was mainly annoyed that he wasn't responding, and after while ( like.... day? ) I could also accept that probaby he ghosted me even of course was still possible that something happened. But in the end it was quite easy to just focus on other stuff in my life. Like they always say: live amazing life and be busy, as then those little set backs don't matter so much. And it really seems to work.

 

Bottom line: always enjoy whatever you have in your life to the fullest, don't be afraid that it will end for that is not the concern of that moment.  Or would you prefer not to have those moments of happiness at all? Do we really need the absolute "happily ever after" or is it already quite something to have moments of bliss?

 

Also, you will always have the possibility to learn, so be greatefull for the things you are able to truly experience and things that make you stronger and better person who knows themself better. And know that you can get over anything, and your life is amazing without some specific person. ( and if it isn't, make it so )

[carmine]

I didn't read every single response but it seems that you said "two weeks" and that was taken literally, which you corrected with "it was actually more than two weeks and intensity was mutual." I will take your word for it...

 

I can be intense myself and sometimes I do wonder if someone who could 'cool me down' in a sense might be better for me that someone with equal matching intensity...so anyways, I guess at the end of it, it matters whether you trust the person, and issues where you feel like you might be more into them than they are into you (not assuming you necessarily felt that) can bring up painful feelings and it might be possible this person is simply not compatible with you...it's upto you of course, but all I will say is don't put all the blame on yourself as incompatible relationships can bring out sides in each person that they might not like. 

[Guest PinkBaby_Princess]

This is why you should take things slow. I had the same thing happen to me with a Dom before. They completely ghosted me. I've learned from this experience. Make sure to take things slow and get to know the person before it goes any further. They will usually give up or move along when you do this type of thing, the right person will stick around. Don't be so eagerer to jump into any relationship, go slow with things. So that way you can see if you two are compatible or not.