I need some helps please: I have the perfect bf but he's barely a Daddy

[hulii]

[Little kaiya]

Honestly, it sounds like he's not a Daddy and if he's not interested in putting in any time or effort then that's his choice, just as it's your choice to stay or not. You can't make someone into something they aren't. I'd say though it isn't really about you doing anything wrong, more perhaps a fundamental incompatibility.

 

You say he's the perfect bf but if you want a Daddy as well the it sounds like he's not the bf for you. Plus, if it's too emotionally draining to have the conversation now, only 3 months in, it probably wont get easier later, sorry to say. It's probably better to find out 3 months in than a couple of years in.

 

Little kaiya

Edited October 26, 2019 by Little kaiya

[Guest Sunshinekitty]

In some ways, I could have written parts of this--about floundering, not wanting to have to direct how things go...not having anyone else in my life who understands the DDlg, nor would they ever try to.

 

As I've said before elsewhere, I've been married 25 years. You've been together for three months. So let's try to put this into perspective.

 

I assume that at some point you had a discussion about yours AND his needs, and you discussed how you would both meet these needs long distance. Again, I'm assuming.

 

So. Here's what I see from what you say, and please correct me if I'm wrong.

 

No one is perfect. Ever. People are human, beyond the 'honeymoon' part of any relationship, it will totally be messy.

You're doing all the work, one-sidedly in a relationship.

He makes excuses about why he's too busy to participate.

You feel drained rather than revitalized by your contact and effort into the relationship.

All relationships require some work on both sides to maintain a relationship.

You're down the list of his priorities, which despite other responsibilities, is not a great place for a little to be. And unless those priorities include himself, children of his own, and his family/parents...that's not a great sign.

 

BUT.

 

If he's new to the lifestyle, he may not understand what he undertook. He may not understand what being a little actually means. A lot of people think that for us, it's just all about ageplay rather than...this is WHO we are. And if he's missing that key component of understanding, you need to be the squeaky wheel, talk to him, and help him to understand. Because no one ever has a good relationship by keeping their thoughts, feelings, and needs to themselves.

 

You are the only one you can control in this situation--but if you can help him to understand you better, he might understand why you aren't happy.

 

You have to at least speak up and try, because you say that you guys have a great connection. He won't know that you feel like this unless you say so. He may not even realize that something is wrong.

 

Send him to some of the more reputable places for littlespace/DDlg information. I'm sure you know the ones. A beginner Daddy can't be a daddy without a little handholding.

 

And if he can't--you'll have to recognize that a friendship is just as valuable as having a daddy.

 

I really hope it works out for you.

[Guest Littledreamer95]

 

TLDR: Daddy and I both care about each other, but our standards are very different. It's too awkward and emotionally draining to directly state this to him.

 

I'd so appreciate someone to help me sort through my feelings and expectations about my Daddy. All the stuff that happens is so confusing. I'm happy then I'm not. I'm 30 but he is my first Daddy. I waited so long to find the right one He's the perfect boyfriend. But not the perfect Daddy.

 

It's been weeks, and I haven't been able to get clarity. I know what I wrote is so long but like anything in life getting quality feedback can be helpful. If I could I would give you the squishiest stuffie and the softest onesie and the yummiest snacks for someone to listen and give their perspective.

 

 

I don't have anyone in my life who understands what DDlg means. My closest friend is supportive but ultimately she can't even comprehend what is hurting me so much. There aren't any kink accepting therapists in my area who are covered by my insurance.

 

I'm seriously thinking about taking reddit advice from it off with Daddy By vanilla standards our relationship is perfect, but he doesn't act like a Daddy at all.

 

I'm not a vocal or bratty (not that's bad) little. It's not my style to make a fuss and I try to be as low maintenance as possible. I don't like asking people to change. I don't like asking for things. It's not how I am as a little I try to accept what someone freely gives me because I really believe that a Daddy who cares about me will take the time to know me and shower me with attention without me throwing a tantrum.

 

 

It's a super hard decision to make and I'm not sure what to do when I feel like I found the perfect person, but he seems to be like so many guys who call themselves a Daddy but don't really know what littles need.

 

I certainly don't want to be the one giving my Daddy guidance and direction A couple of times I gathered all the courage I could get and grit through the uncomfortableness to try to explain that I need him there for me as a Daddy and not as a partner. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong.

 

 

I bring it up as diplomatically as possible so much so I think I've made it seem like it's my problem not his. That he doesn't have control over it. I just can't blurt out: I think you don't put any effort into making us closer. I've made it so easy for you to be complacent. I think you like me because I'm the most convenient girlfriend ever. I don't want to feel like a gf. I want to be your little.

 

Daddy and I have been dating for almost 3 months. Long distance. He has a ton of responsibilities that take up his time and energy. I knew it wasn't ideal, but I believed that we are such a good fit that those things were trivial. The more bothered I was, the more effort I put into pleasing Daddy. I dedicated myself to making Daddy happy with the hope that it would evolve, we would grow together, we could have a deep dynamic regardless of the distance.

 

But we don't. He thinks he owns me, but it's not there for me. Honestly, I'm a committed partner in any situation. I put my all. I see he appreciates it, and I hate that I am resentful. I don't want to put energy into it anymore. He has always said actions speak louder than words, but he does the bare minimum of a long distance relationship. As much as I love talking and texting whenever he has the time, it's not enough.

 

He's supposed to be my Daddy. I try to do it all. To dress up, buy stuff just for him, spice it up, lavish him with compliments, meet all his needs, brighten his day, prioritize him, fit into his schedule, share my most vulnerable little self. Other than phone sex, our dynamic barely exists at all. Where's his part in all of this? I know I'm not the easiest little, but I thought that's what he liked about me.

 

 

I would end it, but the connection is still there. More than ever honestly. It's really unique. I think he is amazing!!!! I can't imagine a better person to belong to in terms of his heart and brain. I know he appreciates me, I know he has a lot of other things that are more important than I am, but is it not possible to not totally feel like that I'm not as important as x,y,z? Is it not possible to make the distance a non-issue?

 

At this point my girl brain is telling if he cared he would be doing something. I hate that I need to ask to be cared for. If I wanted that, I would be in a vanilla relationship!

Caring for him is hurting me. Because I give and I'm left a little more empty. It seems like everything I want is work to him. Now I feel it is work to be his girl. I thought he wanted a little. I thought this was supposed to be funsies

 

Are you sure he see's himself as a daddy? because seem's like is just not his thing. He might be unconfortable with the idea.

[ForeverFluffy]

This is just my opinion, but the blame doesn't rest solely on him. I don't mean this to sound mean at all. I would just like to be frank with you. You don't vocalize your needs. He's not a mind reader. No one is. Especially if it's LDR. When you're in that kind of relationship, communication is everything. You need to voice your concerns and your feelings. Otherwise, how do you expect a relationship to work?

 

If you feel like he doesn't exactly know what it means to be a daddy (and I strongly think that's the case), direct him to resources that will help him. Blogs, forums, mentorship, etc. Better yet, tell him that you want more from him!

 

I would also consider that perhaps he just isn't in a place right now to do all that you need. You said that he is busy. He has a lot of responsibilities. Perhaps he just doesn't have the time or energy to be what you need right now. And if that's the case, you guys need to talk about it.

 

I think talking is what you need to do. And if it turns out that you guys just aren't compatible, then better to find out now than later.