I feel like little me is lost

[MissTake]

It's been a long time since I've felt little no matter how much I try to get there. I was a little to my late daddy. We were ddlg before we even knew there was a name for it or knew it was a thing. He passed away in 2017. Later, I met my new daddy. As much as I'd like to say the shock & trauma of losing my late daddy is what caused my little to go away, I can't. I remember being on early dates with my new daddy and that side of me coming out easily. New daddy (I'm just going to refer to him as daddy now ok?) had some mental health issues and I ended up having to take over and essentially take care of him for quite awhile. I feel this may have caused me to forget how to let go and get in my little space. I dont even know if I have a little space anymore if I'm being honest. I dont care to color anymore. I'm fine with sippy cups & cartoons but I just feel like my big self. I feel daddy wants me to get back to that space but I dont feel he's very encouraging. He says he's trying to be daddy all the time and never leaves that mind set but hes so under the radar (in my opinion) that I dont pick up on it. I dont feel like I CAN just let go and find my little again. Maybe I'm not little anymore. Has anyone felt this way or maybe have some new ideas to try? Thanks

[HoneyThorne]

Hi there, MissTake. I read this post and while our situations are very different, I get what you are saying. From what I can tell, it sounds like you might have unresolved trauma from the passing of your first Daddy (I am truly sorry for your loss). I think your new Daddy, you were attracted to him since he probably was the comfort and protection you felt you needed as you felt lost without your first Daddy, you needed the stability and the peace a Daddy offered. While it was amazing at first, when your new Daddy got sick and you had to step over, it was so hard for you to handle. I don't mean that in a weak way AT ALL, I mean that in the sense that you had to go against your nature and be strong AGAIN after already dealing with feeling "abandoned" in a way. 

 

I know what I am saying doesn't make any sense but let me explain: my first BDSM experience was with a duo I truly cared about, we had so much in common and I couldn't understand why I cared so much and they didn't seem to care to the same extent. It was so extremely hurtful as I felt the inconsistency on their part (I was insecure, I admit) damaged my self-esteem. I found my new Daddy who was everything I thought I wanted! Kind, protective, nurturing and supportive. I got into Little Space so easily with him and never felt so safe. Then, he got sick. It was like..my entire life just came crashing down. I then turned into the supporter and the "strong one" in the relationship, constantly keeping him up and tending to all his needs and being the one that held things together. While I loved him dearly, I could feel myself dying on the inside. I wanted so badly to be strong and be what he needed, though I was buckling under the weight. I felt like I was drained and hardened. I couldn't get back into Little Space, I felt like I wasn't stable enough. The partner I needed to protect me and be my guardian wasn't able to do that. I felt like I couldn't....relax enough to let my guard down. I couldn't allow that part of myself to be exposed only to be rejected, and even if we did play into Little Space, I couldn't get into it fully. I felt like i was pretending. 

 

I know this sounds awful...but it was sort of like "I trusted you to protect me and now I have to do to the protecting for both of us." I know people have their own struggles and traumas in life, and I know that sounds bad. I honestly don't know what to do about it.

 

I think you (and I) need therapy honestly, to deal with our traumas and emotional baggage that we seek others to fill. We need to trust ourselves enough to be 'little,' I think. I think maybe a break might be needed with your Daddy, as him trying to encourage you to be into Little Space without fully understanding the emotional part of it doesn't help anything. Have you ever tried Fetlife? Maybe there might be some other Daddy's better suited or other littles to help! 

[Shy baby]

aww sweetheart i understand that. There are actually several little's with this problem once they need to take care of someone else they lose touch with their little side. I get in little space pretty easily though, so try asking him to do things for you, like opening things, getting something you can't reach.. It always helps to have the names too, little one/girl/boy (what ever you prefer) babygirl, princess. being told you're too small for some things. ouu and try playing some small games, (sandballs [hate the name] is great for some), to help you get in the mindset. and even if it doesn't interest you, color, put on some happy music, color, get in a giggly mood  ......... i'm sorry if my advice is bad...

[MissTake]

@honeythorne you hit it all on the head with how I feel. I AM in therapy and have been for a year now. Daddy & i got married so it's going to be a little hard to take a break from him or find another daddy. That's not what I want though. I even asked him if maybe I just don't have a little space anymore and should just enjoy his daddying for what it is and how I react. He was like no I dont want you to not be who you are & we will figure this out. So I mean I have his support...I just dont think he knows how to daddy ME effectively maybe?

 

@shybaby what are sand balls?

[HoneyThorne]

@honeythorne you hit it all on the head with how I feel. I AM in therapy and have been for a year now. Daddy & i got married so it's going to be a little hard to take a break from him or find another daddy. That's not what I want though. I even asked him if maybe I just don't have a little space anymore and should just enjoy his daddying for what it is and how I react. He was like no I dont want you to not be who you are & we will figure this out. So I mean I have his support...I just dont think he knows how to daddy ME effectively maybe?

 

@shybaby what are sand balls?

OH I SEE! I am so sorry I didn't realize you both were married and that does definitely complicate things. I understand him trying to be supportive and coax you into Little Space, he probably enjoys it just as much as you did. Has he been a Daddy before? I know sometimes when you get into a relationship, the "innocence" sort of evaporates and you are left feeling very disillusioned in some ways. He needs to understand that Little Space isn't just a way to relax and play, it's a way to Littles to decompress and express their truly vulnerable side. It's so hard to feel like you can do that when you know that it's all sort of a..."facade" in a way, as you are the strong one in the relationship. I am sure he loves you, but just doesn't quite get it. Do you talk about this with your therapist? I KNOW, HARD TO EXPLAIN! Do you think you guys might like some couples therapy, to resolve any underlying issues apart from kink? Maybe meeting like-minded couples or even a mentor in the kink realm to guide you (and him together, if he's open)?

 

I think you are VERY right, he doesn't know how to Daddy YOU properly and it is NOT a bad thing to feel overwhelmed or stressed being a "caretaker" type of figure in the relationship. What would make YOU happy, what type of Daddy/activities/ (sexy time) would you enjoy? Also, what does HE enjoy about the Kink? Is it just a Kink to him or a lifestyle?

[Guest purpleroses06]

ahhh I understand this well, ever since I've been learning to be a caregiver properly and babysitting I just don't feel like my little self is there anymore? Don't get me wrong I love taking care of others, but at the same time I wanna be cared for too yknow? But I'm just not feeling it, the only person I went to little space was with my boyfriend but we haven't been in little space in a while for him or for me, so I don't really feel as if we're going to be in it soon? I don't rlly have the encouragement to go into little space alone either. Therapy does sound like a alternative that can help you rant and release your baggage of your lost one( I'm very sorry for your loss), it may take some time, but I hope you heal well!

[MissTake]

@@honeythorne lol ya. I didnt specify we were married. He does enjoy being daddy. Hes never been daddy before (aside from raising his own son). He was always interested in ddlg before we met but never got to get into it. He does have a natural daddy way about him which is something that drew me to him. Hes also very stubborn and thinks he's doing just fine when I try to tell him maybe this would work better? We are in couples therapy too AND she's a kink friendly therapist as well. It's a lifestyle for us both.