For Newbies- Your Submissiveness can't just be taken

[DaddyRaven]

I was recently speaking to someone who's new to the dd/lg dynamic and she was just talking with a 'daddy' and he was giving her orders. This made me want to write this short statement.  Ladies and guys, you have NO need to listen to anyone's "orders" unless you're in a relationship with them.  Someone calling themselves a dominant doesn't make them YOUR dominant.  Dominance isn't something a stranger just takes from you.  It's a precious gift that you give someone that you trust enough to place yourself in their hands.  So if someone just comes up to you and starts ordering you about because you're a sub, remind them that being a sub is a gift you give to someone special; not to everyone claiming to be a Dom.  

[LittleGirlEmilia]

I'm gonna hop on this and add if you feel uncomfortable with random dudes calling you "little one" or "princess" or similar, don't put up with it. If you want only that one special person to call you those names, tell them. It's so uncomfortable knowing how many DDs call me little one because I'm a little. So condescending when I'm not theirs.

[DaddyRaven]

such a good point Barbie.  one should be called by their screen name on this or other sites or if you're comfortable sharing your real first name but pet names are not cool if you're not intimate. 

[Guest DemureBelle]

​Another thing, you don't need to tell random men your 'little' lifestyle especially if you do not feel comfortable. You may be a little, but you're not their little. Why some men cannot seem to understand that is beyond me. If I simply do not want to tell you about my little life, respect it. 

[DaddyRaven]

so true Lolita.  Too many seem to think if they see themselves as a dom then anyone they ask or are around have to do or answer as they want which is the exact opposite of a true dominant.  U don't see real doms going out and having their way with anyone they like.  

[Little kaiya]

Everything that has been posted so far are excellent points and I second everything that has been said.

 

I will add something to the flip side as well, littles shouldn't be calling caregivers by titles like Daddy until invited to do so. My Daddy has had a couple of littles try to call him Daddy and he was very unhappy, more so when he explained why and one of them refused to stop, ended in them being blocked.

 

This is to say, being a Caregiver or being a little, Dominance or submission, are all things to be discussed and agreed upon before hand. Neither side should be assumed, taken, imposed or acted upon with informed mutual consent.

 

Little kaiya

[LittleGirlEmilia]

 

​Another thing, you don't need to tell random men your 'little' lifestyle especially if you do not feel comfortable. You may be a little, but you're not their little. Why some men cannot seem to understand that is beyond me. If I simply do not want to tell you about my little life, respect it. 

 

 

THIS! OMG! Two seconds in a conversation and they're like, "so what do you like doing as a little?" and then they try to guess and list off the most popular things littles do! They don't even try to get to know you as a big.

[DaddyRaven]

exactly, exactly. how can u be with someone in little space if you can't also get along with them in adult space? I mean it's not like it's just a side thing. You're building a relationship that just happens to also have a different aspect to it that some would call "outside of ordinary" .  So treat ppl the way you would in any other "regular" relationship situation.  

[Cara Innes]

My goodness, thank you for this thread!

It feels like, once in a while, I'll have a conversation with a Daddy (not that I'm *calling* him Daddy, or that he's calling me a pet name), we're just either being friendly, or we're trying to get to know one another. And after a while, they seem put out that I'm *not* calling them a title, and I feel...I dunno. Stuck.

It's not that I'm being aloof or playing hard-to-get, it's just that...well, we actually haven't TALKED about actually having a dynamic that way? At all? ._.; I would feel terribly rude calling a guy 'Daddy' -- even if I *am* looking for something that's just ldr or online -- without it having been specifically talked about beforehand.

It confuses me that some will expect different; and it makes me feel sad, because I don't like to disappoint people. But I really can't help that. 

Edited October 20, 2019 by Cara Innes

[DaddyRaven]

My goodness, thank you for this thread!

 

It feels like, once in a while, I'll have a conversation with a Daddy (not that I'm *calling* him Daddy, or that he's calling me a pet name), we're just either being friendly, or we're trying to get to know one another. And after a while, they seem put out that I'm *not* calling them a title, and I feel...I dunno. Stuck.

 

It's not that I'm being aloof or playing hard-to-get, it's just that...well, we actually haven't TALKED about actually having a dynamic that way? At all? ._.; I would feel terribly rude calling a guy 'Daddy' without it having been specifically talked about beforehand.

 

It confuses me that some will expect different; and it makes me feel sad, because I don't like to disappoint people. But I really can't help that. 

yes it's so important that both people are on the same page and talking about it is a huge part of that process.  I've had littles call me "daddy" and we have only talked for like 5 minutes or something and I'm like, that, to me, feels like if I just met you on the street & within 5 minutes you introduced me to your friend as your boyfriend Lol 

[Guest Sunshinekitty]

See also, random squirrels that ignore your relationship status.

 

If you want friendship, be a friend. There are a lot of reasons out there to actually seek out and get to know people and find rich relationships that aren't sexual or transactional.

 

Being a friend is a good step in learning better ways of being in the next relationship you have. It's the supports you find when things aren't so great. And unless you know how to be good to and with others--you're not going to see the good things of having a reliable CG or  little who thinks you are their world. You owe it to yourself to quit prowling out there and be satisfied finding people who care about you outside of sex.

 

/steps off her soap box.

[DaddyRaven]

See also, random squirrels that ignore your relationship status.

 

If you want friendship, be a friend. There are a lot of reasons out there to actually seek out and get to know people and find rich relationships that aren't sexual or transactional.

 

Being a friend is a good step in learning better ways of being in the next relationship you have. It's the supports you find when things aren't so great. And unless you know how to be good to and with others--you're not going to see the good things of having a reliable CG or  little who thinks you are their world. You owe it to yourself to quit prowling out there and be satisfied finding people who care about you outside of sex.

 

/steps off her soap box.

Another excellent point ty for contributing 

[Guest Deleteplease]

[Guest QueenJellybean]

there is strength & power in submission.

[redheadprincess98]

I joined the forum two days ago and I already have dudes calling me pet names... more people should read this post. It’s sickening