Switch issues

[ScaredKitten]

Hii, so as the title suggests im a switch im mainly a dom because i have a non switch sub, but i also need to be a sub because it helps me kinda calm down from stress and anxiety etc and thats what i had in my last relationship before it turned a lil abusive and i left but ive been with my current sub for over a year now and i love being their mommy/mistress but i also need to be a sub and be looked after for a little bit sometimes but i cant because my little is a little all the time, ive brung this up before and they apologised that they cant do that and even said i can non sexually be looked after down text/calls with a cg online but i dont want anyone else to be my cg i know that might be the only solution but i dont want that, i know you guys wont be able to really suggest much about this but if you have any methods i can use to maybe self care alone or kinda be cared for by my sub but also be their cg at the same time as being little idk im just really sad and i need a mommy of my own.

[Little kaiya]

It's a tough situation for sure and honestly it's one reason I wouldn't ever be with a switch because I know it's something I could never offer them no matter how much I would want to do so.

 

It sounds like your little was clear upfront about who they are and what they want/need and yet you decided to pursue a relationship anyway and now you need to address what was going to be an inevitable issue. It sounds like your sub does care but it also sounds like they are not a switch at all, much like myself, so you need to accept that fact as it is unlikely to ever change.

 

If you dont want a different Cg and your little isn't a switch you're kind of looking at three options that I can see:

 

1) be little on your own but it sounds like you crave a caregiver,

2) accept that side of your needs won't be met, or

3) part ways with no ill feelings and go and find a relationship that meets all your needs not just some of them.

 

Sadly in a lot of cases like these there is a degree if resentment thst builds overtime that becomes very harmful to the relationship. I wish you the best but honestly it sounds like you're in a relationship where what maybe started as a small incompatibility may be slowly growing into a much bigger issue.

 

Little kaiya

Edited October 15, 2019 by Little kaiya

[Guest Sunshinekitty]

I don't think I'd properly be termed a CG/little switch, but I'm overly dominant in nearly every other aspect of my life--except when I'm little. When I discovered that I'd been hiding that from myself, I ended up exploring all of that stuff on my own because I've been in a relationship for 27 years--and I didn't really want to smack that onto my SO out of nowhere.

 

So...I got myself a stuffed animal, coloring pencils and crayons, and gave myself permission to have a safe silly space. I watch things that make me happy and make me feel little--and I do most of these things alone, even now, even though he's fully onboard with the little side of me.

 

But then I've always had to take care of myself--even when I was younger. So, it comes naturally to me to find that space alone.

 

My other suggestion is to let your little know that you're going to be little so that you can have a play date. And no, it's not the same as having a care giver on hand to take care of you both, but it can be fun and silly, too. Just as long as your little understands no bigs are around to take care of everything.

 

I hope either of these things help--and I wish you the best. It's not easy being little alone, but it is possible.

[Guest purpleroses06]

Ah yes I do agree with Kaiya, as a switch it's best to be in a relationship with another switch or have another caregiver, but seeing as you don't want another caregiver that can be a problem, so here are some things I suggest to try! Try things out, and see how it goes

 

Do try to having a caregiver and see how it feels, make sure they know you're just testing it out too!

If not maybe suggest to your little to try and treat you like a little

Part ways with your little and find someone who can fulfill both ur needs and theirs( preferably a switch)

 

I know these aren't the best options but try things out and see how it goes, but it might be the best option to leave the relationship. Your little did make it clear and offered other choices, but yes this might grow into a bigger issue.

 

I'm quite sorry not all the options are the best but I wish you the best of luck and I hope in the end your wants are both fulfilled!

[ScaredKitten]

Sorry for the late response I’ve been busy last few days

 

at the start We didn’t know we were both into ddlg stuff I was told by my little that she was a switch and it was very switchy but then they started to be less switchy to the point there isn’t any switching anymore 

 

I feel I’m going to ask my little if they would like play dates with little me and be little on my own and other little stuff I like i might also try talking to a cg online, if none of that works I won’t leave my little but I’ll just suck it up and if it does impact the relationship in general in a way it’s not healthy then..yeh..

thanks for all your help and ideas <3

[ScaredKitten]

So I messaged my lil with the ideas, asking if it would be ok and stressed To my little that I don’t wanna message a cg but because she said she would be ok with it I decided to consider it and people online have also said it’s something I should probably try,

 

and I said it (over text because we can’t see each other for another 2 days and I wanted to clear this all up,

this is what happened

so I messaged her everything about my plan (last post)

and she replied with 

“..so you would see other people...”

I said 

“no online non sexual cg”

”just text maybe calls Idk though”

she then started to say stuff like “ow” “fuck man” “like I’m about to cry”

then I started to tell her that it would only be if she says she’s completely ok with it

then she said

”I’m never enough. I never will be”

then blocked me...

im really distressed and worried I’m not to sure what I should do now..i only considered that option because she proposed it to me originally and I’m not really confuse and upset and I don’t know what to do...I’m ok with not messaging a cg but I kinda want to try it and see if it helps me with accidentally switching While I’m trying to care for my baby girl

[Little kaiya]

If they responded like that and then blocked you for considering an option THEY put on the table it's a very childish, selfish and disrespectful way to respond.

 

Your needs are equally as valid as your partner's. If they can't fulfill your needs that needs to be respected as a boundary but it does NOT mean that your needs should go unmet or be ignored.

 

Personally my Daddy likes pup play while I find pup hoods horrifying and they freak me out. We've discussed and he can go to pup events, I wont go with him, but I'm not going to ban him from exploring his interest and neither should your partner be trying to ban you.

 

Honestly, their reaction sounds emotionally manipulative bordering on narcissistic. I can't say what you should or shouldn't do but I for one would personally NOT be indulging or bowing go that type of behavior. You aren't telling them they have to be your Cg, and to be fair at the start you were led to believe they were a switch, so you ARE respecting their preferences.

 

What I will say is in over 23 years in various kink, fetish and alternative lifestyle communities I have VERY rarely seen relationships work out when one partner basically tries dictating to another that they have to suppress an interest, desire, urge or part of their personality.

 

Little kaiya

Edited October 19, 2019 by Little kaiya

[ScaredKitten]

Personly i think pup play is cute!

 

Yeah i unerstand what your saying and i completely agree with it,

but its the morning now and i checked my phone,

because i sent a long message direted towards my little telling them basicly that im only exploring this because she put it on the table and i wont to be able to explore that side  of me but i said it alot nicer than that and i said more,

i got a few messages and the main points were

"An emotional affair is still cheating <my first name>. That was cruel, even for you"

"But to rub it in my face that I'm that bad that you need someone else to fill your needs- idfc if its nonsexual. An emotional affair. Is still a Hekkin affair"

"I'm no longer your baby you aren't my mama. You're not mine and I'm not yours anymore. "

"This was cruel. Even for you"

Seing as this is how they interpreted this situation even though they proposed it

i didnt particularly even want to message someone else but i only considered it tbecause she brung it up and said it would be ok

I love my baby so much and i dont want to lose her, but if she tries to take me back i dont think i should return for hers and my state of mind

Thanks for all your help so far kaiya!

 

Update:
she seems to regret her reaction she seems to have just been freaking out, but i dont know if i continued to go out with them that it would be healthy, we are going to talk about this later today as im going to go and see her to sort all this out maybe resume idk though..

Edited October 19, 2019 by ScaredKitten

[Little kaiya]

Honestly, try to stay strong and do what you know is right for you to maintain a healthy life. Your partner, based on the messages you've shared, has turned this into being all about them. Little or not they should be equally concerned about your health an well being, which doesn't seem to be the case.

 

Yes, the situation isn't easy but handling it through blocking you, hurtful accusations, withdrawing, blaming you and more . . . It comes across more as emotional manipulation than love.

 

You may love them but their behaviour suggests that they may love having a Cg to look after them more than they love you.

 

*hug* Best of lucking talking it out but keep in your mind, Caregivers deserve as much love and support from their littles as they give them. Don't default to staying a in a relationship that may be bad just for the sake of being in one or you may miss out on finding the RIGHT one.

 

Little kaiya

[ScaredKitten]

We are currently staying kinda civil about it they haven't specifically apologised about it all but because wasn't able to see her today we will be talking about this tomorrow in the afternoon as that's when ill see her and well be discussing everything about it, i kinda hope there is some justified excuse to it all but im sad that i might leave her because she wasn't really thinking about me in that situation at all and it could show a little more about her that hadn't seen before. i really don't know though ill see how i feel tomorrow after a long nap and some thinking time

Thanks for everything so far!

[Littlest_Bee]

I can't really think of anything to add right now other than sending you my best wishes: Good luck

 

Take care!

[dy_dx]

I find that being little friends with someone is sooooo helpful and might scratch that itch. So being little together is the first thing I'd try. Finding a CG might help but your partner will be way more comfortable for ya. It seems like this brought out some issues your partner needs to work on. As far as that, keep in mind that issues like this only get better if their ready to work on it. If they're not ready, you can't do anything about it and accept the behavior for now and try to accommodate it or end things. If they are ready, remember that progress isn't linear, it's a winding road that hopefully goes in the right direction.

[ScaredKitten]

I can't really think of anything to add right now other than sending you my best wishes: Good luck

 

Take care!

Thank youu!!

you take care to!!

 

I find that being little friends with someone is sooooo helpful and might scratch that itch. So being little together is the first thing I'd try. Finding a CG might help but your partner will be way more comfortable for ya. It seems like this brought out some issues your partner needs to work on. As far as that, keep in mind that issues like this only get better if their ready to work on it. If they're not ready, you can't do anything about it and accept the behavior for now and try to accommodate it or end things. If they are ready, remember that progress isn't linear, it's a winding road that hopefully goes in the right direction.

 

Yuh i think thats all i need to be a completely happy on both sides of me lil and big,

i know it wont be a straight road,

but i think my partner will be able to be liddle with me and i think ill loves it