Daddy... replacing another daddy?

[Guest Infinity225]

Hey there. I'm very new to this...and am having some trouble understanding how to be a good daddy for my little.

 

My main issue is that I know she had this dynamic in her previous relationship and I've been feeling discouraged because the name, 'daddy,' even bothers me knowing she had already called her ex her daddy before. She accidentally went into detail about their intimate sexual dynamic and I am trying to not be so insecure. Lately, we even tried things with a different name replacing daddy, but she prefers to say daddy so I just gave up and went back to allowing it. I have tried opening communication with her, but I cannot seem to think of more things that would keep me in the right headspace because this all seemed to be something that she had shared with her ex...and now I'm stepping in where he once was being called the same name as he had. I'm trying not to be bothered, but I'm very sad about this. Has anyone else experienced this before or can someone offer me their opinion?

[MrDaddydarnit]

You just gotta learn to deal with it over time. that's all. 

[Guest Infinity225]

Thank you for your response. Time does heal

[Guest purpleroses06]

I understand on how you feel, my boyfriend no longer wanted to call my his flower cuz another guy friend on mine called me it and he didn't like it. If her calling you daddy makes you feel uncomfterable tell her! Another good word to replace daddy is master, and sir works well too!! And don't think about her ex to much, cause he's no longer there, you're not taking his place, you're creating a new one! Dn't try to copy or do what they did, do what you two would like to do, create something new that's yours and your guy's only!! If her bringing up her ex isn't something you like tell her to stop bringing him up! She should understand that you have your wants and that was she's saying isn't making you happy, she shouldn't have brought him up in the first place, that's disrespectful, you're not him and you shouldn't try to be him or take his place, and if she keeps doing it maybe she's not over him yet. Don't give up and make yourself unhappy talk to her and find some ground rules you both can agree on, so both of you guy's can be happy! Communication is key!

I wish you the best of luck!!

[Guest Infinity225]

This made me feel so much more at ease. Thank you for your kind words. This means so much to me. I'm trying so hard.

[Chiby]

I'm to new to this. So I'm not sure how much I can help with this.

But as others have said communication is key. And think of it like this. The title daddy is not given lightly. There have to be trust and a very special connection. And she have this with you. ( This is at least how I feel and think about it)

And you don't feel the same about being called hunny right? Hunny is also a title that is used in relationship.

 

You are her daddy. And this means that you are the one that have her trust.

[Guest Looby-Lou]

You're not alone in finding this uncomfortable, but maybe there are also some positives to her having been someone's little before? Such as maybe she understands more about Daddies?

OTOH it does sound as though she's more than "mentioning" her ex, she's going into detail about him - including sexually. For me, that's a no-no even in a vanilla relationship. In a DDlg r'ship it's even more emotional for me. I know my Daddy has been a Daddy before and truthfully I prefer to not think about it (because it makes me sad even though I know it's unrealistic and even though I know it means I can benefit from his experience). I hate it that another girl was his little! 

 

My way of dealing with it is to explain to him that sometimes I struggle with this so that he can understand me (and hopefully be considerate about it, which he is!), and then to put it out my mind as much as possible. I remind myself it's just silly feelings, it's not anything real. What's real is him and me. I focus on him wanting to be with ME and that we love each other and have a wonderful connection. 

 

If the word Daddy bothers you so badly, and you really can't get over it, then try to discuss it again with your little. But frankly, in this dynamic, it IS the most common word and it seems fair to me that she wants to use it with you. I think you should be delighted! 

But I also think it would be appropriate (and helpful) for her to stop talking about her ex!

 

Finally, sometimes it's helpful to remember that although DDlg comes with its own dynamics, it IS still an adult:adult relationship and in that sense it's no different that you've both had previous girl/boy friends and partners. Maybe look at it that way and take the sting out of her having had a Daddy before?

 

Good luck, I hope all goes well for both of you. 

 

Looby   

Edited October 12, 2019 by Looby-Lou

[Guest Infinity225]

Thank you SO much for sharing your experiences with me and reminding me of what's important. When I get down on myself about her ex, I often become forgetful and it's difficult to put my insecurities and jealousy aside. I'm working on being a better communicator and discussing my discomfort openly with her. I'm very thankful to hear from you and truly appreciate your reply.

[little becky]

hello! you should stop thinking you're replacing someone! if she wanted someone like her ex, she would have stayed with him! but instead of that, she chose you! We all have a past! and although she probably should stop talking about her ex, you should accept it as  if she was talking about a mistake in her life! Or make a rule for her not to talk about him anymore, if that's too annoying for you. She's your little and must obey your rules, after all... but don't let it destroy what you both are creating!

[Lovingukdaddy]

Everyone has a past. What's next you don't wnt@ a gf as she may have had a boyfriend before.

 

They're exes for reasons

[Guest Mr. J]

I just want to say that as someone whose ex never had a father (because he died either before she was born or shortly after) and therefore were drawn towards a DDLG/CGL dynamic, if there's one thing I know about littles it's that they call you whatever it is they call you for a reason. If she's really adamant on calling you "daddy", then to her that's the absolute strongest and most loving thing she can call you.

My ex had called other people daddy before me, though she never dated any of them, and while that might've felt a bit weird I always knew that I was the only one she would ever want to call daddy for the duration of the relationship.

So I say this as someone who has been in a similar-ish situation: own the nickname and be the best daddy she could ever dream of having! ^^