How to prevent feelings of anger resentment and detachment towards your daddy/dom

[francesca3400]

Ive recently gotten into my first most satisfyingly relationship as a little sub.

 

We are taking things slow because it seems that after an intense session of feeling little/submissive I start to feel guilty about myself and then wonder if I only love him because of some twisted Stockholm’s syndrome or dopamine addiction.

 

This leads to me feeling angry and resentful at him and needing to detach completely to process but part of me feels it’s deep down lashing out and trying to hurt him or regain some control over him and myself because he is the extrovert in the relationship and distance hurts him more than me. I even lashed out once already, he has been very supportive and explains why I am going through this, but id really like to try and trust him more and not go through this cycle continuously because I want to show him respect. After I get angry and have time to myself, usually a week later I want him more than ever and the connection gets stronger and I want and need him more (which I’m probably afraid of deep down), so I don’t want to ruin the dedication, time and love he puts into me because I lose control and constantly disrespect him.

 

Anyone have any experience? Thanks

[RhodesiansNeverDie_]

Sounds to me like you have some issues relationship wise. All of these feelings/reactions are unhealthy for an adult relationship, let alone one that's been short lived. I suggest speaking to a psychotherapist. Until you're healthy enough to have a favorable relationship, youre only wasting both your time and his.

 

Best of luck.

[Little kaiya]

I have to agree with RhodesiansNeverDie to be honest. It really sounds like you need to take a step back and take some time for some introspection and figure yourself out. If you're lashing out to intentionally hurt him, whatever the motivation, that isn't healthy, respectful or fair to him. If you really love him consider taking a step back, asking for some space to figure yourself out and then when you're ready give it a proper go.

 

I mean you talk about wanting to break the cycle to show him respect but never really because you love him and want a healthy relationship. You question whether it's a form of addiction or Stockholm syndrome. I showed your thread to my Daddy and he said he'd be pretty hurt if that's how I viewed our relationship and honestly I think a lot of Daddy's would feel the same.

 

Little kaiya

Edited October 11, 2019 by Little kaiya

[Baby Bunny Boo]

I get where you're coming from, i felt the same way (except the lashing out to hurt him part). To be honest i still do. But the important part is to tell him not hurt him. Edited October 11, 2019 by Baby Bunny Boo

[francesca3400]

Thanks for your replies guys!

 

I do love him very much. There is a strong solid foundation of us we were best friends for 6 months before anything happened and sort of just fell into this world to together after being in.a relationship for six months. This never happened at all untill things went really deep and got intense and is obviously a form of sub drop. I don’t want to intentionally hurt Him at all I love him and want to experienced this together and I don’t want to hurt him. In all other times and aspects our relationship is healthy and normal, I obviously just feel the need to introvert and accumulate personal power after the intensity to know I am okay, and the lashing out is subconscious and it’s just my speculation that it has to do with regaining power after feeling so little with him. That is definitely something we both take a step back from to give us time to analyse and work on.

 

I always tell him the lashing out only happened once the rest of the time I just needed few days to deal with sadness that came up, which highlights things that need to be worked on. Thanks again.

[Alaskan Daddy]

My last girlfriend/little was like you. We also had a LDR and the distance bothered her deeply. She had demons

within her from past abuse that would come and lash out to me and push me away. The first time was very hard until

I realized how to separate her demons from the beautiful person who lived in her heart. I know that the feelings you

get are real. but I also feel that you should tell him all about those feelings and why you get them and let him

understand what is going on inside you. Also I would give him a warning as you feel those feelings coming to the

surface. One thing I can tell you is that my ex-little showed me how to look past her struggles and love her with

such intensity. I don't know if I will ever love anyone so deeply ever again. I can feel the intense love you and

your daddy have. Please is you want to talk more I am available.

[Ebony Fruit Bat]

Thanks for your replies guys!

 

I do love him very much. There is a strong solid foundation of us we were best friends for 6 months before anything happened and sort of just fell into this world to together after being in.a relationship for six months. This never happened at all untill things went really deep and got intense and is obviously a form of sub drop. I don’t want to intentionally hurt Him at all I love him and want to experienced this together and I don’t want to hurt him. In all other times and aspects our relationship is healthy and normal, I obviously just feel the need to introvert and accumulate personal power after the intensity to know I am okay, and the lashing out is subconscious and it’s just my speculation that it has to do with regaining power after feeling so little with him. That is definitely something we both take a step back from to give us time to analyse and work on.

 

I always tell him the lashing out only happened once the rest of the time I just needed few days to deal with sadness that came up, which highlights things that need to be worked on. Thanks again.

As I was reading your original post my instant thought was sub drop, which can last a full week.

 

The other marker I spotted is that he is an extrovert and you're more intoverted. Introverts tend to need longer alone time to recover. Intense or prolonged interactions can affect introverts not only physically needing to remove themselves to regroup, it also can cause the need to mentally and emotionally regroup/re-energize. The time needed varies from person to person.

 

If any of this is accurate you have a double whammy for being depleted and triggering into lashing out. You should take the time to figure out your 'normal' recovery time after vanilla sessions so you can start making the distinction between, introvert recovery time, to intense play recovery, to sub drop. Doesn't mean you'll be able to get it right away. It's an action plan that you might want to do alone or discuss with you Daddy. The latter is highly suggested, at least let him know that you're working on it.

 

The other portion is that sub drop can cause you to question or resentment your own nature, but why do you mention Stockholm syndrome? This would imply some part of you feels forced into the situation. I have had several occassions where a past'boyfriends' pushed the subject of being together as a dating couple where I didn't want to date, but gave in. Doesn't have to be any thing dramatic. An example is one person I had spoken to declared we had been dating from the moment he got my messenger info. Stuff like that is just maddening to me. These types of things built up some resentment, didn't mean I did not love one or two of them, but the behavior you described of lashing out, would display itself at times. Also, being on a loop and you recognizing your behavior after self reflection makes me curious if you have this type of loop with someone else in your life. It can be a past or present person with a different level of seclusion or similar negative reaction. Point being you may be recognizing a learned habit you were not aware you carry. If some part of you is struggling I think speaking to someone (and your Daddy) is a good step to take before things start to crumble in your relationship.

Edited October 12, 2019 by Ebony Fruit Bat

[Ebony Fruit Bat]

Urgh. I apologize if any of my previous post is choppy or is jumping around. My phone's keyboard has been giving me trouble. Reloading my page and causing me to push the wrong selections.

[francesca3400]

As I was reading your original post my instant thought was sub drop, which can last a full week.

 

The other marker I spotted is that he is an extrovert and you're more intoverted. Introverts tend to need longer alone time to recover. Intense or prolonged interactions can affect introverts not only physically needing to remove themselves to regroup, it also can cause the need to mentally and emotionally regroup/re-energize. The time needed varies from person to person.

 

If any of this is accurate you have a double whammy for being depleted and triggering into lashing out. You should take the time to figure out your 'normal' recovery time after vanilla sessions so you can start making the distinction between, introvert recovery time, to intense play recovery, to sub drop. Doesn't mean you'll be able to get it right away. It's an action plan that you might want to do alone or discuss with you Daddy. The latter is highly suggested, at least let him know that you're working on it.

 

The other portion is that sub drop can cause you to question or resentment your own nature, but why do you mention Stockholm syndrome? This would imply some part of you feels forced into the situation. I have had several occassions where a past'boyfriends' pushed the subject of being together as a dating couple where I didn't want to date, but gave in. Doesn't have to be any thing dramatic. An example is one person I had spoken to declared we had been dating from the moment he got my messenger info. Stuff like that is just maddening to me. These types of things built up some resentment, didn't mean I did not love one or two of them, but the behavior you described of lashing out, would display itself at times. Also, being on a loop and you recognizing your behavior after self reflection makes me curious if you have this type of loop with someone else in your life. It can be a past or present person with a different level of seclusion or similar negative reaction. Point being you may be recognizing a learned habit you were not aware you carry. If some part of you is struggling I think speaking to someone (and your Daddy) is a good step to take before things start to crumble in your relationship.

 

Yes exactly! When I say lash out I think people took it more seriously than it is. The lash out was literally just me message. 'I don't know if I can handle these ups and downs'

 

Yes I am an INFJ and he is an ENFP. It seems when I get real bad sub drop his instinct is to shower me with love, but that makes it worse as when that drop occurs I need to make sure I can build myself back up. He is so great and amazing at figuring it all out for us. We are long distance as well, so his theory is really that I don't ask for enough after care of have anything physical. We meet for the first time in two weeks though I am so excited! I think your post was really helpful thankyou. I am all about knowing my cycles and this one is just so new that I have no idea on earth is happening and feel terribly guilty for it. Alone time to recharge is fine by him, even though he misses me, I think I just need to be more aware when anger comes on that we did something wrong, learn from it, let go, and give it time to pass!

 

Him and I have great communication and work through it, just wanted to get more insight into things, as I have no past abuse, and I really don't think the relationship is unhealthy or wasting our time. It was only when we started introducing these extreme highs that I am left so dazed and confused and experiencing emotions I never have before. Thanks again!

[francesca3400]

I only mentioned stockholme because I get so confused about why I want to be with him more and love him more after we do the really intense and degrading play sessions, and mostly it's me questioning my own nature, yes.

[Guest Looby-Lou]

I only mentioned stockholme because I get so confused about why I want to be with him more and love him more after we do the really intense and degrading play sessions, and mostly it's me questioning my own nature, yes.

 

 

My comment is nothing to do with Stockholm Syndrome. I just wonder if it might be useful for you both to tone down the "really intense and degrading play sessions"? Maybe keep them at a level you both enjoy and benefit from, but which don't cause you such a severe drop afterwards.

As you get more comfortable with this part of yourself then the intensity could increase accordingly.

 

I have a tendency to withdraw or go quiet when I'm upset. And when I'm upset with Daddy, my little self just disappears. I can almost visualise a little kid running to hide somewhere. I don't do it deliberately, it's a purely instinctive response to protect myself. Sometimes I need a few hours or days before the little stuff creeps back in again to conversation or activities. It's not even a conscious decision often, I'll just find myself saying or doing something "little" and I'll think "oh here she is again" 

 

Good luck with your relationship - the fact that you discuss everything with each other is a HUGE positive

 

Looby