New to this realm. Just need to talk about it

[Mysoulshadow]

Well. A little back story...I’m old enough to remember AOL when it was both the access and content provider of choice. I chatted a lot back then , and it led to some friction in my home life. I’ve managed to avoid chatting for the most part in the years since.

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My partner and I have experimented with role play a little over the years. In actuality, she has always been the dominant one.

 

I had a chat once a few years ago with a woman on a really old app..the subject matter turned intimate and she tentatively steered into a ddlg style conversation. I went with it and thought it was awesome. I didn’t have a name for it then.

 

Currently: Sometimes at work I get bored at my new job. Of course Im on the phone a lot...I tried to find a chat room to pass the time. Basically I came across what was a personal...an LG looking for a daddy. The ad was Interesting and I looked some stuff up...then I contacted this person and basically we talked shop. She was kind enough to tell me more about things in general.

 

The app that she was on had some groups and I joined a couple. I’ve met some amazing people. I’ve had some PMs with some littles, some were awkward, some were amazing. Just like any aspect of human interaction, which I’ve never been very good at.

 

I am currently trying to process it all. I had the most intense interaction to date with an amazing little recently. Non sexual by the way, no pics exchanged or anything. We had talked a few times here and there, but our schedules aligned the other night such that we were able to spend a long time “ together” The feelings that came up from somewhere ...talk about headspace... It felt so nice to feel that sense of caring. She was witty, used everything I said and wrapped it in, she made the interaction flow so naturally. My heart was just melting into a mushy blob at times. She ran me ragged being silly and naughty and I am just not a dom by nature to be honest so discipline was clumsy at first. All in all it just brought me out of myself.!For hours, I was somewhere else...chasing after and taking care of my little. (I say ‘my little’ —-I’m not being naive or presumptuous, we’ve never discussed my being her daddy , I probably wouldn’t have the time or the skill , but for that chat at least, she was my little angel , I was her caregiver, and it blew me away.

 

I’m not sure where I fit in this world, trying not to over think it. I am just not a really strict dom I guess but I suppose there’s room for that depending on how one meshes with their little.

 

Sorry to sound like such a noob. I just had to get it off my chest.

[Little kaiya]

Reading your post the very first thing that comes to my mind is, does your partner know what you're doing or are you doing it without their knowledge and consent?

 

DDlg can, by its very nature, create a very strong emotional bond. Whether a DDlg relationship is in person or online that emotional bond can form. Fir some people's partners it's totally ok, so long as there is no physical activity but for others it's that exact emotional bond they dont want their spouse sharing with anyone but them.

 

If your partners knows and consents then all good, if not it's perhaps something you should consider.

 

Other than that, dont overthink it but also take the time to set and respect your own boundaries. A lot of folks jump into the deep end too quick and it often leads to hurt feelings and broken hearts.

 

Little kaiya

Edited October 3, 2019 by Little kaiya

[jelloprincess]

I agree with Kaiya. Your first step before proceeding with anything is to have a conversation with your partner. If you've already done that, awesome, but you need to be really sure that you are both on the same page.

 

Beyond that, CG/l can be very emotionally intense, and you need to be sure that that's something that you're prepared for. Before you jump into a relationship you should sit down and think about what it is you're looking for. What is it about DD/lg that you enjoy? There are many different reasons that people get into this, and you should know what yours is so that you can find someone you're compatible with. What kind of time and emotional investment are you looking to commit to a relationship? So you just want casual chatting, do you want to babysit, or are you looking for something more serious? As far as not being a naturally dominant person, that's alright. There are plenty of CGs that are on the softer side. Just know that you might not be a good match for a particularly bratty little, or someone who is looking for a lot of structure. That's just something that you should be clear with yourself and any potential littles about.

 

Overall my advice is to take your time and think everything through carefully before you jump in to something and get yourself, your partner, or your potential little(s) hurt. Maybe spend some time looking around the forum and get a feel for the community to see where you fit in. There's no need to rush anything.

[Mysoulshadow]

Thank you for the thoughtful replies. My partner does not know. I could spend a lot of words trying to make the case that I am not a horrible person, I think I might convince some people but I don’t have it in me.

I have had continued contact with the Little I mentioned in my original post. We have had long conversations outside of littlespace and we are both on the same page as far as what we are not looking for if that makes sense.

Neither of us want to run off from our current situations, NS online, no pressure, just trying to enjoy the times we can connect.

Beyond the warm and fuzzy, it’s nice for me just to have a friend out there in my own little space. As for just what makes it resonate with me, I am making some progress figuring that out.

And as strange as this sounds, I feel a bit more confident overall.

[SmolAetherr]

Thank you for the thoughtful replies. My partner does not know. I could spend a lot of words trying to make the case that I am not a horrible person, I think I might convince some people but I don’t have it in me.

I have had continued contact with the Little I mentioned in my original post. We have had long conversations outside of littlespace and we are both on the same page as far as what we are not looking for if that makes sense.

Neither of us want to run off from our current situations, NS online, no pressure, just trying to enjoy the times we can connect.

Beyond the warm and fuzzy, it’s nice for me just to have a friend out there in my own little space. As for just what makes it resonate with me, I am making some progress figuring that out.

And as strange as this sounds, I feel a bit more confident overall.

 

 

i dont think anyone hinted at you being a horrible person just everyone has their own standards and boundaries with things they would like their partner to talk about and for some a platonic little is a thing some and even myself would like to know about

 

but if its giving you comfort you will have a hard time finding people on this forum that would attempt to demonise you for that

 

everyone is out there thinking they are doing good for themselves their loved ones and the world but that "good" is always up for debate

 

i wish you all the best!

[Little kaiya]

It's not about trying to convince people that you arent horrible, it's more about being honest with your partner. You don't owe anyone online anything but if you made commitments to your partner then I'd suggest you do owe THEM something. If you aren't doing anything wrong then there's

no reason not to hide it and not tell your partner is there.

 

It's nice that you and this person online have found what you both want and are on the same page but what about your partner and theirs if they have one? Shouldn't they have the right to decide whether they want to be with someone who is seeking an emotional bond and comfort in someone else? Shouldn't they as adults get to make choices about their own lives? What about their right to choose not to be lied to by their partner? You found your warm and fuzzy doesn't your partner deserve theirs as well?

 

I can't and wont speak for anyone else but consciously deciding to lie to the person you're supposed to love the most. . . . It seems like a really weird way to express love to me.

 

Little kaiya

Edited October 7, 2019 by Little kaiya

[Mysoulshadow]

Kaiya your thoughts are indeed the ways things ought to be for sure. My situation at home is not what it should be though. It’s not exactly an ideal or even healthy relationship at times. I feel as if I zero control or ability to change anything. The gender roles are almost reversed as far as the dynamic at home goes. The typical response is always well then why do you stay. It’s never that simple .

[Guest SifuTheWolf]

Being a Daddy is one thing, being a Dom is something else, most of us are combinations of the two to varying degrees, and it fluctuates between the two. There is no "one true way". It was a long process for me, finding out what I truly liked, what's important to me and what is not, and even that is subject to change lol. Feel free to send me a friend request and message me anytime with any questions you may have.

[Mysoulshadow]

Thanks Sifu.

I am starting to come to terms with what I’m even doing in this realm. While I may not be a typical daddy dom, I’ve managed to find some people that ‘fit’ so to speak. I may just take you up on the advice offer!

[Mysoulshadow]

what a day Edited November 6, 2019 by Mysoulshadow

[roseyposey]

Sounds like you're having a bit of an awakening, which is pretty cool (and totally normal). It also sounds like you've been okay with not getting your needs met with your current partner for a variety of reasons, but now you've discovered what's out there and are dealing with some "new relationship energy". It can be addictive. 

 

If you want to keep this for yourself, maybe you two should just be friends. Make rules for yourself based off what you know your partner would be okay with/not okay with and stick to them. Maybe you guys can be pen pals or only friends in the groups you joined so you're never tempted? Perhaps just a platonic Daddy friend to joke around with? Either way, it's great you've made a new little buddy to run after.

[Mysoulshadow]

Oh for sure we are just friends. There’s never been anything sexual in nature. Emotional? As for my side certainly. Definitely an awakening of sorts as far as people and lifestyles and my emotions. I tend to be numb sometimes.

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The awesome person that inspired my original post has told me she won’t be around much now. I totally understand, given some things that are going on. ( good things for her after all!)

She hasn’t been on much and I asked about it in a roundabout way and anyway at the end of that conversation she asked if I was alright.

I said yes .

 

I’m ok. I felt pretty bad the first night, made a sad post then deleted it 20 min later.. but it’s all good. Feeling better now, thankful for what she gave me.

 

I certainly wish her the best. She’s an amazing person who is going to have a good life. I’m glad our paths crossed and maybe they will again.

 

...I told her I’d be around if she needed anything. I hope she at least drops me a line sometime to let me know how things are going.

Edited November 7, 2019 by Mysoulshadow

[Mysoulshadow]

My god man. Getting beat up this week. Edited November 7, 2019 by Mysoulshadow

[Guest SifuTheWolf]

Care to share/elaborate?