What to do when a friend doesn't accept your little

[lilvioletcub]

As I've said for me my little space is my way of getting though my depression and anxious moments I was so so excited about this new side of me like a new character that I told an online friend I had been talking to almost daily about her and sent her a well known link to a FAQ regarding DD/lg I was so happy to not be depressed that I was highly taken aback when she repiled with this

“I don't want to know any sex stuff I have just had a traumatic break up I thought it was going to be mental health stuff Please don't send any sex game stuff to me again I told you that sometimes I can deal with porn and sometimes I can't so id appreciate if you warned me before sending anything to do with sex”

 

I was taken aback I know DD/lg is a part of D/s which is part of BDSM which is sexual but in telling her what I did I was thinking of the reason why I have a little space and what it does for me not the sexual side of it. I aplogized and explained as much. It was only recently I found out she blocked me on FB. I was shoocked and hurt with no warning she just blocks me.

 

So I noted her on a site we are both on that she oddly enough didn't block me on I just got a reply today she said

 

"I honestly was very upset when you started sending me that sex play stuff and I did tell you that because I've been dumped twice which caused me to have depression I didn't always want to be reminded of anything like that

 

I know it was impulsive sorry hopefully you understand that it just triggered me after I had already been crying"

 

I haven't replied yet. I'm so sad near crying and angry to reply and don't know what to do.

I think what hurts more is her terms " Sex play stuff"  Yes there is sexual RP involved but lil violet's reasoning for being here isn't that nor was I telling my friend about said RP's I basicly said this

 

"

The best way to describe why this works is Violet acts while my characters react for example when I'm Sad Ricky is depressed, when I'm depressed ricky is suicidal but with Violet its the opposite I get sad she goes on about what kind of quilt should we make alpha, I get lonely shes all “lets color” I start to worry she cuts me off at the pass with “well if we're both depressed then I can play with cuddlebug and we can eat popcorn” (Cuddlebug is Jacob's “little” name) I can't go into to much detail about why it works overthinking it makes her upset with me but I can say this much its not a split personality or anything you'd need to worry about from a pyscological stand point it's just another way to view and handle my probloms from a childs perspective (okay so she's 12 and we aged her to 14 for Roleplay reasons but still younger then 24/25)  

To me first and formost that is what MY little space and little side is for me So for someone to block me, get upset at me, and basicly call it "sex play" hurts.

 

What should I do?

[SpinSpinSugar]

Honestly if someone has asked not to know, has been triggered or has expressed a limit, than whether you're hurt or not at them not understanding, one really should stop. So while your friend is upset, eventually she'll recover, but in order to do so, she needs her space.  Grant her that while she's struggling

 

(as far as whether DD/lg is sexual or not, it is still a kink.  And as a result, if that is where she is where anything sexual is triggering, then that's all there is to it. Respect her, and then you may be able to explain things once she's feeling better).

[lilvioletcub]

Honestly if someone has asked not to know, has been triggered or has expressed a limit, than whether you're hurt or not at them not understanding, one really should stop. So while your friend is upset, eventually she'll recover, but in order to do so, she needs her space.  Grant her that while she's struggling

 

(as far as whether DD/lg is sexual or not, it is still a kink.  And as a result, if that is where she is where anything sexual is triggering, then that's all there is to it. Respect her, and then you may be able to explain things once she's feeling better).

 

 

Heres the thing however when talking to her I'm walking on eggshells some days she sending me the kinky hentai stuff and other days shes like this and no she doesn't give warning day from day on how she'll be so I'm always playing a guessing game with her.

And its not that she asked not to know at all ever its that I honestly had no idea she was having an "off" day and said nothing of the sort to me before the conversation started

[lilvioletcub]

I think it's important to respect her wishes. I know she's your friend and you want to be open, but not everyone wants to/needs to know that you're a little. For many it IS a sexual topic, due to BDSM being seen as more a perverted and taboo version of sex. Those of us in the lifestyle know that BDSM doesn't mean or always come down to sex, DD/lg included, but it's still a private topic. It comes off as TMI to many vanilla people.

 

That makes sense I was just so excited to not be depressed after 4 days of being depressed that I wasn't thinking like that I was thinking "Holy macaronie this is working! omgosh this is working! I'm not depressed and I was able to not have an anxiety attack! omgosh this is amazing"

 

However you are right I never thought of her as vanilla though

[MrBonesWildRide]

Heres the thing however when talking to her I'm walking on eggshells some days she sending me the kinky hentai stuff and other days shes like this and no she doesn't give warning day from day on how she'll be so I'm always playing a guessing game with her.

 

But there's consent, even in chat conversations. If she is not consenting to you sending her stuff, this is a complete non-issue. She said she didn't want to know about it, so don't tell her about it. You're not "walking on eggshells" unless sex is the only thing you talk about with her. She's your friend, act like a friend. She just told you why she doesn't want to know about it, can't you respect her wishes?

[lilvioletcub]

But there's consent, even in chat conversations. If she is not consenting to you sending her stuff, this is a complete non-issue. She said she didn't want to know about it, so don't tell her about it. You're not "walking on eggshells" unless sex is the only thing you talk about with her. She's your friend, act like a friend. She just told you why she doesn't want to know about it, can't you respect her wishes?

 

She told me that After I sent the link not before though. if she told me before I would have never shared and THAT is where I'm walking on eggshells its never before the conversation she never says "I'm not in the mood for that tonight" its always After the fact. so no I don't plan on telling her about it and what I was going to contact her on was comic related when I found out she blocked me.

 

We talk art, comics, and yes sometimes sexual stuff it gets juggled around I have another friend who told me they don't like blank so don't bring it up next time and I haven't end of story with her however as I said sometimes shes the one sending me stuff while I can respect her wishes I'd just like to know what they are before we even start a conversation for the night

[lilvioletcub]

It seems that she's having issues with sexual content in general. I know it can be hard to not take it personally, but I don't believe she's directly attacking you or your interest in DDlg. This is something that is triggering her and you're going to have to try your best to respect her wishes. Hopefully one day she'll be able to go to you and ask questions about the lifestyle, but right now just doesn't seem like the time for it. Again, try not to take it personally. She's your friend and she cares about you but she's not in the right mindset to be exposed to something that is often viewed as sexual. 

 

She blocked me after that conversation I find it hard to not take that personal but your right her up and down about it though is driving me a bit crazy in the sense I don't know when is okay and when isn't some nights we'll be fine talking about whatever and everything including being fliriting and stupid with eachother and sharing links to stuff that make us horny.  I reread though that conversation and she did mention she had been crying and was upset prior in the day however I've been like that to and then fine by the time I'm online talking to people so I didn't see that as a "no I'm not in the mood right now" sign

 

:nod: thank you your right and I hope my reply which was me saying no I will not be sorry for finding something that helps me cope with my own depression but yes I'll no longer bring little violet up with you anymore will help.