Hello! I am new to the DDlg community, and I'd like to share my experience :)

[Sylveon]

Hello, I'm a little who is completely new to this community. From what I've seen of posts the people on this forum seem very nice and supportive. It's nice to meet you all

 

I came here because I don't really have anyone to talk about this stuff to. If it's ok, I'd like to share my experiences and worries, and hopefully come to understand this part of myself better.

 

I was in a relationship a few months ago, my partner was into DDlg and would talk about it sometimes. Any time it was mentioned I was finding myself incredibly curious. As time went on I slowly built up the courage of trying it.

 

And so we spent a whole day and night as Daddy and Little. It wasn't very official, we just slowly fell into the headspace throughout the day. At first I was just holding his hand a little more often, letting him decide things like where to eat or what to do. He patted me on the head more often and acted extra nurturing. I loved it, I felt incredibly grounded and in the moment, without my usual brand of constant worries and racing thoughts. I was relaxed. That night we did nothing sexual at all, he just brushed my hair and held me. By this time I even found we were speaking differently. It was like heaven, we were in our own little world.

 

The moment I realized how incredible it truly felt was the next day. We had been at SF Pride, and coming back to the hotel we had to navigate massive loud crowds of people. I was getting very anxious, but my partner led me through as I held on to his arm, always making sure I was following. By the end after all the strangers pushing and yelling I was shaking a bit. I told him in a very nervous soft voice that I was scared. He put his hand on my head and told me "You did a very good job keeping up with daddy. Your a very good girl." I nearly wanted to cry, my body completely relaxed and any worries I had were lifted.

 

For a hundred different reason I lost my chance at a childhood. I've spent so long trying to get past it and move forward despite so much trauma pulling me back. I believe I've done a really good job of that, I'm proud of all the progress I've made. I'm a much healthier happier person than I was in my youth.

 

However, when he praised me as though I was a child, I felt a euphoria I'd never had before. I got to feel the safety and warmth and praise that I had never been given. It was absolutely incredible.

 

Only a week or so after this happened, I broke up with him. We had a small argument. Essentially he said some things that made me upset to the point of tears. I told him I needed to hang up the phone and compose myself. The next day I figured we would just talk about it. I'd help him understand why I was hurt and he'd apologize and we'd move on easily.

 

Instead he cancelled all our plans and told me among other things "Your not a priority anymore after all of that."

 

I was so horribly devastated. So much of our relationship had been built on trust, on him telling me that I was his girl and that he would take care of me. I really loved and trusted him, so much so that I was even willing to be little with him despite all the overwhelming fear that my trauma brought.

 

It was as though he had hand picked the most painful words he could utter. Once he told me that, I knew I could never trust him the same way. I won't be in a relationship where I need to worry about whether or not my partner will even care about me. Where that trust and respect can be handed out and taken away so cheaply. And I certainly couldn't trust him with this new scary but incredible journey of DDlg I've found myself on. And so, right on the spot, I broke up with him.

 

And now I'm hoping to explore this part of my identity in whatever way feels right. I'm very excited and terrified, but it feels like it will be worth it!

 

Thank you for allowing me to vent, I feel much better already. I hope we can all be good friends!

[MrDaddydarnit]

welcome! this is a good place to vent if you need it. don't worry. 

[Wish]

Good for you for having the self-respect to end it when your ex showed that he wasn't a good partner for you. It really is better to be single and happy than in a relationship with someone you can't trust.

[Sylveon]

Thank you very much! I agree