Absolute Train Wreck of a DDlg Experience

[DaddysABaddie]

xyz

Edited September 3, 2019 by DaddysABaddie

[Little kaiya]

Honestly, from everything you've written establishing a routine is honestly one of the more minor issues. In order for a DDlg relationship to really work, just one person's opinion, both partners still need to be responsible and it doesn't sound like the case here. You can't be 100% responsible and her 0%. If staying together is what you really want I certainly wish you the best of luck but trying to adopt someone else's routine or calendar is probably not enough to set you up for success.

 

Little kaiya

[DaddysABaddie]

nope

Edited September 3, 2019 by DaddysABaddie

[baby_k]

Consider what sort of life she would have with you.

 

If I understood correctly, she moved far away from her safety net, friends, family for you, away from all that made her happy ~stable person. And then you had a lot going on in life and most likely were neglecting your relationship and her. So, you had hard time but I'm pretty sure she had too. My guess is that she was not happy that time as her behaviour seems selfdestructive.

 

Normally the person who moves for example to another country for love requires a lot of support as their life turns totally upside down. It is really drastic change, so that person requires lot of attention, help, understanding and so on in order to settle in new location and feel loved and not alone. It's not easy.

 

Done is done but have you both considered how you wouldn't have ended up where you did? How all that negative stuff could have been prevented? How you could have supported each other on those difficult times? Did you even really know what was happening back then? Are you both able to recognise your own emotions and feelings AND communicate them? Do you have clear priorities and values by which you both work? Clear idea of the life you want?

 

I wouldn't put this all on her as relationship is two way street, and she mainly seems like reacting ( poorly, yes ) and lacking skills to cope in the situation. Specially substance use is imo major issue and should stop totally. Effort to fix things needs to come from both of you.

 

What you didn't really tell was what she wants. What sort of rel? How she feels she would be happy in future? How she thinks she could take more responsabiity of her life and also your rel? How could you take more responsability of your rel?

 

Rules and such can help some people with having their life together but they should not be something one really needs in order to have some sense in their life. I think your issues are a lot bigger and about you both as individuals but also you as couple. Those issues are not solved just with rules even those can of course help. Maybe try to find yourself as people before going into CG/little roles.

[DaddysABaddie]

Thanks for the response, baby_k.

 

You're right; after discussing with her, I played a much bigger part in this going South than I believed. I fear my relationship is at this point irreparable. She is furious that I "kicked her out" of our place after the fight that led to her attempting suicide. She asked me multiple times if it "was a breakup" or not, and even implied she was struggling with being faithful. When I was understandably upset at this, she retracted her statement and said that she wouldn't find anyone in her town anyways. I just don't know what to think anymore. All the signs are screaming at me to break up, yet I'm still clinging onto this idea that everything will be okay. I guess this is what love is...

 

I told her we shouldn't talk for a week, but at this point, I think we're toast. How do we possibly come back from this... I guess I just thought that sending her away would solve our problems, but in fact it just caused even more pain. I thought I was possibly saving her life by doing so, but now she harbors only resentment and pain towards me. What a mess.

 

Thanks for listening. This helped. 

[Guest SifuTheWolf]

Not talking for a week or for any period of time is a NOT going to do anything but make things worse. You can put DDlg on the shelf temporarily but you cannot put communication on hold and expect good results. You are her "Daddy",you can't abandon her, she looks to you for love, guidance, assurance, security, she needs you to tell her that everything will be okay, that together you can fix things. First you both have to want to, then it's a matter of figuring out how. Rethink your rules for her, what she really needs, what is truly important to you, don't sweat the small stuff.

[princess cotton grass]

Thanks for the response, baby_k.

 

You're right; after discussing with her, I played a much bigger part in this going South than I believed. I fear my relationship is at this point irreparable. She is furious that I "kicked her out" of our place after the fight that led to her attempting suicide. She asked me multiple times if it "was a breakup" or not, and even implied she was struggling with being faithful. When I was understandably upset at this, she retracted her statement and said that she wouldn't find anyone in her town anyways. I just don't know what to think anymore. All the signs are screaming at me to break up, yet I'm still clinging onto this idea that everything will be okay. I guess this is what love is...

 

I told her we shouldn't talk for a week, but at this point, I think we're toast. How do we possibly come back from this... I guess I just thought that sending her away would solve our problems, but in fact it just caused even more pain. I thought I was possibly saving her life by doing so, but now she harbors only resentment and pain towards me. What a mess.

 

Thanks for listening. This helped. 

 

The fact that she still resents you sounds unfair. You are both clearly very hurt by what happened between you, but as adults you need to grow from it, or at least move on. Her carrying a grudge isn't healthy for her or your relationship, if you were to get back together. 

 

I can tell that you care for her very much, but remember to care for yourself also. Consider the emotional stress that you may revisit if you return to the relationship. Perhaps remaining friends could be for the better. That way you can still watch out for her and keep her company, but don't get yourself involved in any more torment.

 

Edited September 2, 2019 by princess cotton grass

[DaddysABaddie]

nope

Edited September 3, 2019 by DaddysABaddie

[DaddysABaddie]

nope

Edited September 3, 2019 by DaddysABaddie