I'm losing enthusiasm...little being lazy in relationship?

[Etv9911]

I have been with my little for a little over a year now and i am beginning to be unhappy in my relationship. I feel as if our relationship is very one-sided. I do my best to be her daddy and care for her but she just doesn't put much effort back into the relationship. I just feel neglected. She knows i love her cooking but she doesnt cook anymore, hardly does her chores, doesnt engage physically or even hint at being interested in sex. Im just getting burnt out putting in 110% when i dont get much in return.

She has a tumblr in the ddlg community and all our dates or adventures turns into me being cameraman for her blog and that ruins the experience for me. I will have a talk with her. This is my first serious relationship (at all, not just ddlg) and im feeling a little stuck and need some advice. Thanks

[Etv9911]

I forgot to add that i feel like she is using her role as little to be *lazy* in our relationship because "its daddy's job to make plans and be dominant" etc but im losing steam because there is no reciprocation

[Little kaiya]

I'll offer the same advice I usually offer, talk to your partner and if they demonstrate no interest in changing or investing in the relationship then you need to decide whether you're happy with that relationship or not.

 

Relationships have give and take but if it becomes all one sided that's usually a fairly large red flag.

 

Ugh, I hate when I hear littles trying to use that to be lazy, avoid hard conversations, not contribute to the relationship, etc. I'm not going to tell you what you should do but I certainly wouldn't be staying with a partner who acted that way or treated me like you've described. Good luck.

 

Little kaiya

Edited August 29, 2019 by Little kaiya

[grassgal]

I agree with Little kaiya.  Using your little side to avoid responsibility and to manipulate the situation is a red flag.

 

However, as someone who just discovered her littleness after being with her Daddy for 17 years there might be something else going on here.  Is it possible that she is depressed?  I have been, and can be, totally engaged in some activity (read workaholic) that in the past has lead me to neglect my husband and my household.  When I push myself at work it is usually because that is the one place I feel safe. I do this because it serves me - recognition, promotion, more money.  It feeds what people have told me all my life -  you are so smart, you are going to go so far - and that's where my worth came from from a very young age.

 

Again is it possible that she finds creating this"perfect" relationship  in her blog a way to fill some need that she has?  She may not even know that she is doing this.  It could be leaving her feeling drained.  She may not even know why she is doing it.  I think the first question is - what need or emotion is being met by the blog?

 

All these things I have learned about myself have been made through hours of counselling, and effort put in everyday by me.  It's not a one conversation and done,

 

However, if you feel it's an excuse and you are being used then by all means bring it up and if she doesn't change - time to leave.

[Etv9911]

Thank you for the help. I will be talking to her this weekend and letting her know my feelings

[kitten!!]

Thank you for the help. I will be talking to her this weekend and letting her know my feelings

tell us how it goes!

[Etv9911]

We had a big talk. She was stressed from her new job and frustrated with my schedule. Ive re-made her rules to fit things a bit better and i think we are both happy with the discussion!