Am I little?

[enefa]

Hi all!

I am fairly new to everything, I joined FetLife a year and a half ago, and have slowly been exploring. In past, vanilla life, I've always ended up with more submissive guys where I end up being the one who makes all decisions and plans and etc, and I really dislike that dynamic. A lot. I've been shamed in the past for my strong desire to have decisions made for me and to feel more taken care of. I 100% identify as a babygirl in need of a Daddy, and I had one short relationship with a Daddy, but no little play. He was caring and nurturing and gave me rules and tasks, but he was only very rarely available to see me. I love pleasing and being a good girl, but sometimes resented things too. I get very playful and giggly, I feel very kittenish sometimes, I always sleep with my Teddy. I am naive and trusting, and I want to care for someone while still giving up more control. I very much want a Daddy to take care of me and nurture and guide me. I want all the snuggles and to be held and cared for, and a firm hand, but also some room to explore.  

I've been talking to a new potential Daddy, and I really want to figure out what works best for me and what I need. Talking with him, I feel so much more little than I have ever before. He knows that I'm still very much trying to figure things out, but I also want to figure out more of it before we actually start anything official. And it's hard to figure out alone! I don't know if I'm truly a little or middle? How do you determine your little age, if you have one? Or can you feel different ages at different times? I've not had any kind of... "ah-ha I feel this age" thoughts. Basically I'm overthinking everything hehe. Part of my problem is the shame that's been put on me before for these desires, part of it is that I'm taller than average and it also makes me feel too big to be little. All kinds of weird issues. 

I greatly appreciate this forum, and have been reading through so many of the old posts and comments, and it's so so amazing and helpful. Hoping people might have some insight or help for me  

Hugs!

[Little kaiya]

If you identify as a little then you ARE a little. There isn't any official criteria that determines a little.

 

As for age, it's a number, why give it power over you and your feelings? If it will make you happier to pick a specific age then do it but if it's stressing you out then just let it go. My Daddy and I don't spend time going "hmmm, what's your age", we just let things flow naturally and base our time together on behaviour versus on an arbitrary number.

 

As for height, I'm taller, heavier and older than my Daddy biologically. Does it make a difference, nope. Those things will make as much or as little of a difference as YOU let them make. That is in your head and only you can control how you feel about it.

 

My best advice, get out of your own head and stop overthinking things. Stop looking for how others on the Internet do things or see things or label things and EXPLORE with your partner.

 

The journey has been the best part of my relationship with my Daddy. Not trying to classify or categorize or resolve issues or find "the" answer. The most fun and relaxing and natural has been where I just let go, trust Daddy and be who I am at that moment.

 

Best of luck to you.

 

Little kaiya

Edited August 29, 2019 by Little kaiya

[DaddyDom3238]

Hi,

I agree with the above post, try not to spend your time defining what kind of little you are or finding what "little age" you are. So often people get caught up in defining themselves, you are whatever you feel you are. Enjoy that you are exploring and discovering who you are as a human being, person, little, sub whatever it is embrace it and run with it. If it is not hurting you are anyone else attempting to define yourself will only lead to anxiety and stress which we all have enough of allready without adding to it by trying to fit into a box in the community. 

Littles come in all shapes and sizes, being a little has nothing to do with how tall you are or how much you weigh, being a little is in your heart and your soul (if you believe in us having souls ). It is who you are and does not need definition. Good luck to you and enjoy discovering your place in the world!

[enefa]

Thank you both so so much. I guess my main concern was... what if things progress with this potential Daddy and then in some time he's disappointed because as I figure myself out more, it's not what he wants. Trying to avoid that pain. But perhaps it's never really avoidable. 

[DaddyDom3238]

You are very welcome, that is the risk in any relationship, even in vanilla relationships. I think everyone asks themselves "what if my partner gets to know me more and doesn't like the person that I am?" You will not be able to avoid the risk or pain if that happens, that is why it is so special when you meet someone that accepts and loves you for who you are. It can go the other way as well, you could find out down the line as you get to know him more that he is not what you want. There is no certainty in anything, all I would caution you (take it for what its worth lol) is to never hide who you are and never change who you are for someone else. You cannot be true to them if you are not true to yourself.  

[Little kaiya]

There are no guarantees in life, relationships or pretty much anything else. That said, consider this, what if you spend so much time over analyzing yourself and he gets tired of never getting to see you for who you really are. Overthinking can often create barriers to relationships because it prevents that sharing of vulnerability.

 

If you don't risk pain you also aren't risking joy. My Daddy and I started out meeting at a local conference and over time we opened up to each other about our interests and desires. There was certainly the risk of rejection or disappointment but we shared together and it has turned out well.

 

I wont lie, the first time I admitted to him and myself that I'm more a femboy than a masculine male I was scared he would reject me BUT it turned out he prefers feminine males and he had ALWAYS viewed me that way, even when we first met. The point of my anecdote, you never know until you take the chance. Trust your partner. If you cant trust them why spend your time being with them.

 

Little kaiya

[MysticSand]

Hi Enefa! Welcome to the forum! I absolutely agree with other commenters that it's not essential in the least to define yourself only as one category and would encourage you to just define yourself as you go along. There's never a solid identity and we're ever changing anyway so nothing's ever set in stone!

 

Personally, I find it strange when some declare themselves a set age of x while in Little/Middle space. Just go with how you're feeling and interests, as for example, not every single six year old everywhere have exactly the same interests or traits. Point being, there is no exact guidelines on a kid as they age so you shouldn't think that there would be one as a Little/Middle!

 

As for your process of talking with this potential Daddy, that's great! The fact that you're up front to begin with in explaining that this is a new thing for you and you're learning things as you go is already putting all the cards out to say that you're in a large stage of self discovery so he should be understanding and helpful in that progression.

 

One thing I would note and cannot emphasize enough is to take your time and really get to know someone before letting the official status/titles come in to play. It's not mentioned how long you've been chatting with this candidate daddy, but please don't just jump into roles prior to getting to really know him (and yourself in a sense). Sure, do all the typical check boxes of "he likes x and I like x" and "he's not into x but neither am I," but also get a feel for his personality, values, and routines. I find aligning those will be more revealing of compatibility than simple common interests many times.

 

Hope this helps!