Daddy rarely in Daddyspace

[Maxibon]

Hello! 

 

I'm in a switch relationship. I love being my girlfriend's Daddy, I love being there for her, making her feel good, and I also thoroughly enjoy being her brat-tamer (we both use punishment as a kink thing). I know she feels the same.

 

However, she rarely feels up to being my Daddy. I love being her Daddy, but I just feel… kinda neglected? I can't trigger her into Daddyspace, because my Little makes her Little jealous and she'll regress and get all angsty. It has to happen whenever she feels it naturally. And she's working on trying to not get jealous, but as it's something she has always felt since she was a child (and is part of the reason she regresses in the first place), it's going to take a lot of time.

 

And because it's so infrequent, whenever she does slip into Daddyspace, I get my hopes up and I get all excited, but then something conveniently always happens to make her emotional and she'll no longer feel it. It's totally accidental, but it happens so much, that it's just really hard.

 

At first, it got to the point where I felt I could no longer be her Daddy, but now I love it and I experience no negative feelings about it, except for a slight fear that I'm never going to have this returned to me again, or at least for a long while. I feel like it would be so much easier if we changed the dynamic so that I was always her Daddy and she was always the Little. But I still just want to be dommed as well. A dynamic of us sharing dominance is easier for her, and a lot more possible, but it's not enough for me. I will get into Daddyspace for the whole days, even throughout multiple days. Sometimes switching the dom/sub dynamic in a single time works, but quite often it doesn't. I've also tried being a sub without any form of regression or other age, which is what I'm generally doing now (it's either my non-aged sub, or my middle), but that hasn't helped much.

 

The thing is, I know she's trying, but… it's not enough.

 

So, I'm not sure what to do. Are there any other switches who have experienced a similar imbalance? Does anyone have any ideas on what to do? 

[Lollipox]

I think it’s important to communicate to her, even if you have to reword it multiple times for her to understand, that you are a switch and whilst you are happy to be there for her as a Daddy, that is not the role you’re committed to. That you want to be Little too, and have just as much of a right to experience Little time with her as your Dom as she does. Because you do. And you don’t want to be resenting the relationship because you’ve decided to compromise your own happiness knowing that it’s because she wasn’t willing to try harder.

 

Be cautious of whether she is purposefully concocting scenarios where she gets emotional about ANYthing just to get out of Daddyspace. It doesn’t necessarily mean someone doesn’t love or care about you because they’re manipulating their position or role to avoid something- it’s just being selfish in the relationship.

I understand that she may have some kind of history that makes her want to be the Smol one, but she needs to stop using that crutch and put more effort into meeting you halfway.

 

Not everybody needs to accept someone’s fetish or kink, it’s okay for someone to say they’ve not into it.

The issue I have is when people refuse to “be the bad guy” and just admit that they don’t like something and have no intention of following through with a promise to try whatever it is sometime, and would rather just string you along than be put in a bad light by saying they have no desire to fulfill a role.

Be honest with your partners, peoples. ~_~

 

However, if she’s come out and said that she is not a switch and is only a Little/Sub, then there’s not a lot to be done about it in my opinion. It’s something that someone has in their personality or takes interest in by themselves, I think.

Although you could try complimenting her when she’s in Daddyspace and encouraging her. Making sure to let her know how much you enjoyed certain things she did. Or just letting her know what you think about her as being your Daddy e.g. excited, infatuated, enamoured, flustered. And hype her up, so she feels awesome about being that for you.

Edited August 26, 2019 by ♔ ⓈmolⓅox ♔

[Metalheaddaddy]

Usually when a topic like this gets posted every one says a variation of "Communicate." But I'm going to go against the grain.

Don't get me wrong, open communication does a lot for a healthy relationship. However, based on your post I feel you've communicated a lot about this. So personally I feel your past the communication stage and you're at the do or die stage.

from what I see, you have 3 options
1) accept that this is never really going to happen. She might try and attempt but it's clearly her daddy space is not working for either of you. Maybe her love is enough to make up for that sacrifice
2) inquire about an open relationship/babysitter
3)leave the relationship.

there is no wrong or right answer.

[Maxibon]

Thank you so much guys 

 

She isn't purposely trying to get out of Daddyspace, she's just very emotional. I'm the exact same way, however my need for sticking with plans tends to force me to suck it up and I eventually get back into Daddyspace.

 

She is most certainly trying all she can. She's dealing with a lot of stress and pressure at the moment, and her mental health isn't the absolute best right now. And yet she's still trying. It's been the way she's felt ever since she was young. She would get jealous of other people who dressed cute and did youthful things. I think it's because she was forced to basically act like the adult and caregiver of her family since she was five, and she has had that burden of responsibility on her ever since. 

 

We have communicated long and hard about all of this. And at the moment, she is doing all she can. It's getting better, it has been better than how it was a couple of months ago, but it's still so hard. And I'm scared of bringing this up to her, because I hurt her every time. She hates that she's making me feel like this, and I can't put even more pressure onto her to fix something she's already working on. 

 

I guess I was a bit overdramatic earlier. There has been one time recently where she has been able to be Daddy and there has been no problems. Another time, where we made it really far but then she couldn't think of any ideas and lost her confidence and broke down. But she finds being Daddy something as hard unless it's in person, and for now, we're long-distance. And quite a few of these "convenient things always happening" are also in my life, as well. Like, I might get too tired to enjoy anything, or my mum might decide to show me something that takes two hours and we're left with no time to do anything. It's just like the Universe is trying to stop it. 

 

The thing, though, is that I am strictly monogamous, I would never want to incorporate a third person into our dynamic for the sole purpose of satisfying my Little. And a lot of it is sexual. I want to, y'know, be punished for being bratty and stuff. And I would certainly not leave her for something as trivial as that. Yes, it's really hard, but sex for me is something I can switch off. I can turn off my sexual desire and only have it for when I'm domming her. But there will be times where she wants to dom me. We are switches, it's just that she's struggling with, I don't know, maybe the fear of commitment when she's labelling herself as Daddy or dom. And that prevents me from switching that side off.