Why did I become a daddy? When/how was this preference formed?

[daddymind]

I'm constantly picking apart certain atypical desires, traits and needs I have. I'm very interested in the root causes of things, especially the psychological element.

 

This is not an attempt to claim non-vanilla lifestyles/sexual preferences NEED an explanation. Of course, in the spirit of individual freedom we can be and do whatever the hell we want as long as it harms nobody and I believe very strongly in that premise. But I am genuinely interested in digging deeper and learning what shapes such a mind.

 

For example, why do I love so much caring for an adult woman who happens to act like a baby/child/teen (I like all three)? This question would raise huge red flags with most outside this community, no matter how much you stress the ADULT WOMAN part. You just could not rationalise it enough for them, and the judgement and name calling would ensue. The distinction between wanting a relationship with a child and wanting a relationship with a grown woman who exhibits childlike behaviour is not an easy one to make for most people.

 

But the problem, if you can even call it a problem, is that I can't rationalise it myself. I just feel it, know it, want it.

 

I don't want to be judgemental, not towards others, nor myself, especially since I consider myself an "outsider" in terms of typical relationship preferences. I simply want to understand, out of pure curiosity, what is going on beneath the surface of these arising desires and needs. Let's just say sometimes they make me go "hmmmm". There are many scant theories I could pluck out the air (such as the fact I do not want children, but have a very paternal instinct), but none of them really get to the root. They are just speculation.

 

Has anyone else thought about this deeply and what did you discover?

Edited August 22, 2019 by daddymind

[Kresaera]

My Daddy says it makes him feel good to take care of me.  It gives him a purpose and meaning. Even if we took the lg part out of the DDlg, he would still spoil me and take care of me like he does. It makes him feel good to be the provider. 

[NathanR]

Hi. Thank you for coming out and sharing that.

About me: I've grappled with this lifestyle because of the very reasons you listed above, for a very long time. Honestly, I didn't know that DDLG existed until just recently. There are some aspects of this that can be seen as taboo because it does not fall into the vanilla concept of what a relationship is or should be. BUT there are facets within a DDLG relationship that we see on a normal, day to day basis that actually make sense once they are recognized by the participants. A few for the example: An age difference. We actually see that all the time and yet often will say or think nothing of it. Sometimes its extreme and easily recognizable and other times it actually looks like it could be a father/daughter relationship. There is also the sweet talk seen between two lovers. Pet play in a gentle form. Being openly paired with your little is at your side at all times. Holding of hands and the act of a guiding hand where your little is in front of you and your hand on their back or shoulder.

Being or wanting to be a DD: The examples I listed above and more are all traits that I take on naturally and I have been trying to find in a partner for most of my adult life. Its cost me a lot of relationships because this subject felt too taboo, I wasn't aware, I wasn't looking in the right places and I really didn't know or understand what I was doing. I think a lot of us can identify with that. But in my research, I've learned that literally everything I've tried to get my partner to agree with, were all common in the DD trait line. I am definitely 100% DD.

Why: Great question. I think deep down inside, I enjoy the nurturing aspect of what being a DD means and I feel like its been missing from my life because of the kind of childhood I had and my desire to be the complete opposite of that example. I enjoy the closeness. The sincerity of a soft voice, a gentle touch, reasonable expectations followed by firm rules and rational consequences. For me, there is satisfaction and sanity that can be found in that type of relationship which is also guided by a deep, inner desire to mentor, to guide, to encourage, to raise up and praise and ultimately, to serve and protect. To be seen as their rock, their anchor, their beacon, their shield and a place where they can go to have someone who has their best interests in mind, be the one who takes control of their lives when they don't want to or don't have to. A place where they can enter their little space safely. 

Here is where it gets tricky. There is a very wide spectrum of DDLG relationships and people who are little's or middles are generally there for a reason. But first and foremost, this is for consenting adults only. Behind closed doors, things can be a little different and I really wont go into that out of respect the wide range of possibilities, I would really hate to misrepresent anyone or their character. I will instead urge you to do your research carefully and know that there are some deep emotional aspects that come into play, with play. There are three different levels of this type of relationship that must be talked about and considered because one can really mess up or hurt the other if things are not set up properly. This must include good/open/honest communication, limits and rules that reach beyond play time. There are some wonderful videos and articles put out there by little's with great advice and insight that I strongly suggest people seek out to read and watch since they are the ones who are the most vulnerable in this relationship. So for anyone new to DDLG who might be reading this, please, please, please check those out. You'll be a very bad DD if you don't.

Anyway, I didn't mean for this to be that long. I obviously didn't cover everything but there are some of the basics behind my interest, my reasons why and some of what I have learned so far. I appreciate the time taken to read all of this, for those who have.

Be well. Stay Safe!

[Roseylittlee]

Hey! I’m a little and I would love to talk to you about theories and psychological elements that play into the ddlg lifestyle! Edited October 15, 2019 by Roseylittlee

[Guest Looby-Lou]

... I'm very interested in the root causes of things, especially the psychological element.

 

.....

 

....Has anyone else thought about this deeply and what did you discover?

 

Yes I've thought about this type of question too. I think a lot of people do. I find it fascinating! I'm very comfortable with my adult self and also with the childlike qualities that are intrinsically part of me.

 

Relocating from Canada to England when I'd just turned 4 years old was a major event in my life and at the time was traumatic as much as exciting. My little age is very firmly stuck at between 3-4 ... with something I could almost call a fear of actually becoming 4. So my birthday every year is for a 3 year old, and any reference to my age has to place me as younger than 4.

That's the emotional side of it.  

 

In everyday life I've a wonderment about the world and like to explore as a child would - touching, feeling, tasting, smelling. Seeing magic everywhere! Intriguingly, children of age 3 respond to me very strongly, they seem to feel an affinity with me. And I recognise myself in them. But I don't feel that at all with children younger than 3 or older than 4. It's quite bizarre. Like a switch turning on and off.  I'm pretty sure I've got some sort of "arrested development" at that age, resulting from the relocation. But I enjoy the childlike parts of me and I don't see it as a problem or something that needs "sorting out". I'd really hate to lose my littleness!

 

I was very very fortunate to have a wonderfully close and loving relationship with my Dad. We had our ups & downs, some very serious ones, but we discussed everything until we sorted it out - which sometimes took years to truly understand each other. He was my rock. He provided security, comfort, discipline, love, laughter, learning, nurturing. He was my anchor, but also encouraged me to develop skills & independence.  

 

But I'm very clingy (separation anxiety perhaps) which I'm sure is related to the move from Canada - when I feared I'd lose my family along with everything else that was familiar to me. So although I'm very "capable" I would never describe myself as "independent". That's one reason i so much wanted a Daddy in my life, someone's hand to hold trustingly.

I've always looked, in my adult relationships, for someone who would have the qualities I'd loved so much in my Dad. I wanted to recreate that closeness with my partner.  

 

I'm very sure this desire to recreate what I had with my Dad, combined with the upheaval in my early years, form the basis of my attraction to DDlg. (Having said that, I'm not at all into Father-Daughter scenes, it's totally Daddy-little girl.)

 

Looby 

Edited October 15, 2019 by Looby-Lou