DDLG and Dating as a Slightly Needy Little

[MermaidBrat]

Hello everyone! I'm struggling a bit here and just looking for some guidance. I'm sorry, this turned into a book... for the tl;dr, check the last paragraph

 

When I date vanilla guys, I very much suppress the clingy/needy/anxious part of myself that desperately wants to find her knight in shining armor. I don't text constantly, I give lots of space, and all that so that I don't scare him off. 

 

I'm currently in the talking stages with a possible daddy, but we're long distance and haven't been able to meet yet. I very much agree with not establishing anything official until after we actually meet each other. But the dynamic is already coming out. I sink into little mode very easily with him and with my little mode comes feelings of emotional nakedness, vulnerability, and the clinginess and anxiety I normally suppress. He's been in a bit of a funk the past couple of days and my little side reads it with anxiety as incoming rejection. 

 

Well last night, he called me - turns out he'd been sleeping since he got home from work and I was freaking out internally for no damn reason. But he was talking to me but doing other stuff too and I just felt myself getting really bratty needlessly for the first time and felt it wasn't fair to him, so I was going to put myself to bed early and just sleep it off. He was surprised I wanted to go to bed and I told him I felt bratty and he asked why... and it all just came out, my uncertainty and trying to sort through my feelings in this dynamic because it makes me so much more vulnerable than I'd normally allow myself to be, how his quietness the last few days triggered my anxiety even though I know it's not fair to ask him to be in regular contact when he's busy, and I know he's juggling a lot of stuff. Part of me feels better for letting the pressure valve off my feelings, because it was just building last night before his call. But now I'm also afraid he's going to think I'm too much work, that he doesn't have time for this, that he doesn't want to meet me after all because it's just impractical... all this stuff. Sigh. 

 

Anyways. All that backstory to just ask... how do you date within this dynamic, without totally giving yourself over to the vulnerability and clinginess that can come with the little side? How do you allow for feelings to develop slowly and naturally like you would in the vanilla world, when your little side comes out constantly? I guess I'm asking... how do I rein it in? Or should I rein it in?

 

I'd like responses from littles about how they manage their feelings in the early stages with a new possible daddy without letting their little side's need for attention take over, and from caregivers about what they want from their littles, and is clingy/neediness ok for them in the early stages. Thank you.

[daddymind]

As a daddy (also long distance) I have no problem with clinginess/neediness. In fact I love it, especially when the bratty/bossy/demanding element is thrown in . But we daddies are not like most men! The best thing to do is just be honest and open about how you feel in this dynamic, that you may get clingy and bratty at times and is he OK with that? I personally like honesty and openness about who/how we are because it shows 1) self awareness and 2) lets us know where we stand. I know it can be difficult if you tend to be shy about talking about this stuff. But think of it as a test for your new potential daddy. You don't want to be suppressing these things for too long - they need to be free to come out in all their glory! And he needs to be aware of this so when it happens he can reciprocate sensitively and consciously. Good luck!

Edited August 13, 2019 by daddymind

[NathanR]

I'll echo without quoting what daddymind says but then add my own two cents and say:

A long explanation made short, don't rein it in. If this is going to work, he needs to see you for who you really are. More importantly, if this is going to work for you, you need to see him for who he really is, too. If its not a reciprocating relationship between you two where both sides are equally giving to the other, than its probably not worth the effort. Me personally, I would be thrilled to have that quality in my little. But thats just me.

[ScarletBaby]

I’ve been wondering a bit about this too at times so thanks for bringing this up. I’m very clingy and needy personally, have been since birth, and I’ve had a history of being rejected in a public setting for being like this and not being immediately ready to take things to another level when they were (especially with my parents on the other side of the wall and their door being visible.) This was five years ago but it still has a big impact on how I behave out of fear of being too much for someone. At the same time, I know its always been hard to reign that in for me as it is. I was lucky enough to see my parents do well with their relationship and it really puts a classic proverb into practice “honesty is the best policy”. So I think we both need to be honest with ourselves and any potential daddies and let them know just how clingy we can be. That way we enter into (hopefully) only healthy relationships.