How to deal with rejection

[Guest deadkidsclub]

I had someone message me. He seemed really nice and caring as said he was looking for a long term little. I meet up with him, we got candy and slushees together and then fooled around a little bit. As soon as that was done he stopped answering all of my messages and calls and stuff. I though it was looking good, especially as someone who hasn’t had a care giver before but now I can’t help but feel like i was a bad little or I wasn’t good enough for him. How do I build up the confidence to put myself back out there again? How do I vet possible future care givers to make sure this doesn’t happen again? My little heart feels a bit broken.

[Aston]

was this a member of this board?

[Little kaiya]

It honestly sounds like you got used for the other person's physical gratification which is less about you and more about them to be honest. Someone who cares about you as a person would take some time to really get to know you first. You haven't indicated how long you were talking before meeting which is a very important piece of information.

 

I highly recommend taking the time to get to know the other person before giving them the gift of being vulnerable and being your caregiver. If they push fooling around early ask yourself if that's what you want, if not then step back. If they aren't willing to be patient that may be a sign.

 

A caregiver worth having will want to get to know you, not just pretend to in order to get in your pants.

 

Little kaiya

[Aston]

im dorry

It honestly sounds like you got used for the other person's physical gratification which is less about you and more about them to be honest. Someone who cares about you as a person would take some time to really get to know you first. You haven't indicated how long you were talking before meeting which is a very important piece of information.

I highly recommend taking the time to get to know the other person

im sorry kaiya but im afraid you're wrong. by saying it was "just some dude looking to get laid" you're doing her a giant disservice. and by telling her to first "vet" them, you're telling her to become even more emotionally invested and setting her up to be hurt even harder next time she gets ghosted. the sad truth is that this is more or less considered standard behavior these days and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it..

[Guest deadkidsclub]

was this a member of this board?

It wasn’t a member on this board but it was someone who I met at a local event and connected more with on fetlife.

Edited August 12, 2019 by deadkidsclub

[Guest littlebabyslittlespace]

It sounds like he used you I'm so sorry, I imagine this hurts a lot. But please don't let it discourage you from finding someone!

[Little kaiya]

im dorry

im sorry kaiya but im afraid you're wrong. by saying it was "just some dude looking to get laid" you're doing her a giant disservice. and by telling her to first "vet" them, you're telling her to become even more emotionally invested and setting her up to be hurt even harder next time she gets ghosted. the sad truth is that this is more or less considered standard behavior these days and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it..

Saying this is standard behavior and there isn't a damn thing that can be done is pessimistic and untrue. It's your right to feel that way but it doesn't make it a fact. I dont know about you but I certainly dont accept that using people then ghosting them is standard behaviour.

 

How is it doing her a disservice and why is encouraging people to get to know someone before fooling around a bad thing exactly? Vetting someone doesnt mean emotionally investing without any regard to oneself. It means getting to know someone BEFORE emotionally investing yourself in them.

 

We clearly have very different views which is ok, but I'm really curious for your explanation for saying I'm somehow doing the OP a "disservice".

 

Little kaiya

[Guest Daddy-Tom]

It's not standard behavior but it is super common