Just a little vent (pun intended)

[mochiprincess]

idk if it's just this forum but im kind of concerned at how quickly people here are wanting to start a relationship. 

 

dont get me wrong, it seems like a great place to potentially meet someone, but trust is just so key in any ddlg relationship, just like any other relationship which I feel like still needs to be there between a daddy/dom/cg/etc and their little/kitten/sub/etc.there's just nothing without that trust. 

 

 

idk maybe im like...a weird mix of old fashion and little because i cannot be in ANY form of relationship without trust and it worries me when people go from sending a few messages to someone to trying to dive straight into a relationship. I'm sure everyone here is wonderful and can be trusted, but i feel like for most people in this community, trust is just important. and not everyone is capable of trusting someone quickly. 

 

okayyy that's all night, love you all    

[Wicked Lush]

Nah, I think you're right on the money @lycheeprincess.  With any intimate relationship, it requires a certain level of trust in order for either person to really open up.  So much more so for anything that could be labeled "unconventional" like BDSM or DD/lg.  One thing that has bothered me for YEARS in the BDSM community is the people who seem to "car shopping" for a partner who checks some number of boxes on a wants list, rather than starting with a relationship and building the fine points around it, if that makes sense.

 

IMO, car shopping is fine if all you're looking for fantasy fulfillment.  I don't have anything against that.  I just want to see more people recognizing what they're doing and doing "it" (whatever "it" might be) intentionally and honestly.  On both sides of the slash.

 

Unrelated:  I *love* lychee fruit!  I wish I could find it here in the upper Midwest of the US.

[DragonAllFather]

You are extremely right. If you learn well about DD/LG relationships (and any kind of healthy relationship) you will see that it requires trust and a time of knowing the other person. Unfortunately, a lot of people don't learn well or just don't want to learn. All they want is to skip this part and jump right to the relationship (a questionable one, by the way). But well. As long as you have your intentions and ideas clear, you will pass through this kind of people and ignore them while you find the ones with similar minds. 

[Dolliekisses]

Nah, I think you're right on the money @lycheeprincess.  With any intimate relationship, it requires a certain level of trust in order for either person to really open up.  So much more so for anything that could be labeled "unconventional" like BDSM or DD/lg.  One thing that has bothered me for YEARS in the BDSM community is the people who seem to "car shopping" for a partner who checks some number of boxes on a wants list, rather than starting with a relationship and building the fine points around it, if that makes sense.

 

IMO, car shopping is fine if all you're looking for fantasy fulfillment.  I don't have anything against that.  I just want to see more people recognizing what they're doing and doing "it" (whatever "it" might be) intentionally and honestly.  On both sides of the slash.

 

Unrelated:  I *love* lychee fruit!  I wish I could find it here in the upper Midwest of the US.

CAR SHOPPING! That is the perfect analogy for what I’ve seen for years and years now in the scene. People don’t want the person, the human behind the screen, they want the perfect checklist. It’s creepy. I hate it. And I think that’s why a lot of people have a hard time finding partners because they don’t want a partner, they want a checklist.

[mochiprincess]

I was so scared posting this but honestly I'm so happy to see that everyone replying is agreeing with me! I thought I was going to end up losing hope in this community. 

[Little kaiya]

You definitely aren't alone in what you're observing. My Daddy and I have noticed and commented on this phenomenon previously.

 

People talk to someone for a day and start calling it a relationship. It's very hard if not impossible to really get to know someone in a single day. I'm lucky in that I met my Daddy at a local convention but we still took months before we officially entered into into a DDlg relationship and then a few more months before having a private collaring ceremony.

 

It isnt just DDlg though, there are people who talk about collaring someone or being collared days or even a few weeks in. Usually that is a sign someone is more interested in role fulfillment than the other person.

 

I may be a bit more pessimistic but I wouldn't say everyone here is wonderful or trust worthy, like any community there will be bad apples.

 

I will say, if you watch trends you can often see the same people jumping into relationships just a couple days in then being the same ones complaining about "fake" littles or Daddies and broken hearts a couple of weeks later. Trust takes time and so do deep, long lasting, strong, meaningful relationships.

 

Little kaiya

[LittleTeacup]

I don't think it's just this forum, but our culture and advertisements unfortunately convince many people they can't be happy without a romantic relationship. So they're desperate to find one and so (surprise!) the person they pick usually isn't very compatible. It seems to happen mostly with younger people. After a few mistakes, people usually learn better. But there are the ones who never seem to learn.

 

I will be happy with myself. Then, my future partner will show up. But if they don't, I will continue being happy with myself. I'll still have friends, family, and other personal relationships. We never know what the future will hold. Approach life as a series of surprise gifts. Even the sad ones, as they give us opportunities to learn.

[Guest Daddy-Tom]

[Papa O'Toirneach 2]

Damn skippy. Don't get me wrong, i'm all for the whole love at first sight thing, ya know? Or even the dynamic at first sight/message, whichever floats your boat. And i do believe its possible to just kinda... slip into the right thing sometimes. But that is never the guarantee, OR what you should be looking for.

 

You're completely right, as is everybody who's commented on this before. Life isn't about jumping into the deep end straight off the bat, its about living. You have to take time, patience, with this as with all relationships whether they be romantic, sexual, platonic, what have you.

 

Saying that, I speak from experience- wayyyyy too much experience- doing the exact opposite where i just jumped into everything straight off the bat with no idea what i was doing and it fucked me up in the long run. I'm over a lot of it now, but the first relationship like this i had was when i was 16 so i've had six long years to come to terms with a lot of things about myself and what i want from a person. Not a checklist, just aspects of them that make me happy. I've resigned myself to the fact i may never find what i want- like, at all- because even if it was staring me in the face, without time i'm never gonna be able to see it clearly.

 

People definitely are desperate, and i don't judge anyone based on that either. Love, connection, being with someone? Its a heady drug. I wouldn't necessarily say rush into it- in fact, the whole point of this comment is to tell you to, you know, NOT do that- but i'm saying that based on my own experience i do know why people do. Do not feel bad about it, unless your desire pushes you to being a dick. Do not judge yourself for wanting something. And if that thing comes around, quickly or not, make an attempt.

 

But don't expect life to show you exactly what you're looking for straight off the bad. Looking for love is just that- a search, an adventure. Don't let the first stop be your only one.

 

Love and light to all my fellow weirdos who took the time to read this, slainte mo chara

[Papa O'Toirneach 2]

TLDR: Don't be a dick, do what makes you happy, don't expect too much straight off the bat, and know that whatever/whoever you are? You deserve love, so look for it and take your time

[Brother Bear]

This kind of relationship takes an enormous amount of trust. The dynamic can't really develop without both parties allowing time for that that trust to grow and flourish. In my opinion the way you feel isn't just okay, it's absolutely the way you should feel!

[mochiprincess]

To be clear bc I feel like everyone commenting on it is just assuming I'm some idiot on here, I'm WELL aware it isn't just on here. This is the community that I've been seeing it most in my life, in my perspective. 

 

I'm also not looking for anything, relationships to me have become a death sentence. 

 

Just some clarification because I'm not stupid at all when it comes to this view. It's a concern since who knows how manipulative someone can be online. G'night.