I Wish... (vent)

[Mother Russia]

I wish my Daddy made me feel half as cared for and loved as all of yours do.

 

In the beginning of our relationship he was possibly the most caring person I had ever known. He was kind and loving and wouldn't hesitate to send me paragraphs about it if i ever doubted that, and I think that's why I fell in love with him. He was so easy to love because I was never given a chance to doubt that he loved me too.

 

Recently, that's all changed.

 

He's become this... really awful version of himself. A version that always leaves me wondering if he cares at all. A version who will leave me on read for hours before answering a text of mine (which I never understood - if you bothered to open it why not answer in the first place?). A version who only ever wants to play video games in the limited amount of time him and I get to spend together. A version of him who actively complains about giving me aftercare after rough Play Time, or stalls massively in giving it at all. A version of himself who can't be bothered to send those paragraphs anymore, who only ever compliments my body, and who seems like he can barely be bothered to tell me he loves me half the time.

 

A version of himself who has basically stopped putting effort into almost any part of our relationship, and can't even be bothered to try to help me feel safe anymore.

 

Recently, with the help of my BFF, I've been slowly gaining the courage to talk to him (I have huge problems with emotional intimacy, which I have been working really hard to get through). But every time I try to be emotionally vulnerable with him to ease into the discussion I know we need to have, he basically shuts me down. Either all he'll say is "I'm sorry" without offering any sort of actual support for me, or he "won't know what to say" and won't respond at all, and will just leave me hanging.

 

Because of this our relationship has suffered immensely, as I have a lot of PTSD-related trauma that I would like to discuss with him, but I honestly don't feel safe enough in this relationship at this point to do that. And that's not including the discussion about the lack of effort that I need to have with him anyway.

 

And I just don't know. I don't know how to end this. I just needed to talk about it I guess, and maybe get a couple opinions on it from "the outside", as my BFF (aka my only support group on this matter) doesn't like Daddy as a person anyway, and is very negatively opinionated about the issue.

 

Thank you, all.

[plutobaby]

I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time and feel alone in it. I know there isn't anything I can say to make it better, but I believe in you! As an outsider with limited information, I don't think it sounds like you're in an equally balanced relationship. I think that you being so overtly unhappy and unable to talk/feel safe with your partner is a huge indicator that maybe you would benefit from time apart. 

 

You deserve to feel happy and loved and cherish and safe and if you aren't getting those feelings from this relationship, I would leave before it can take more from you. 

 

If you ever need a stranger, feel free to shoot me a message <3 I hope everything gets better for you soon, lovely!

[Guest Babykiwi]

I'm afraid I can not offer much in the way of advice, but I deeply sympathize with your situation. I somewhat recently went through something similar to this. I can understand how hard it is to feel and see that the person you fell in love with, has changed for the worse. I also understand how hard it is to leave the situation. From reading your post, I see that you're struggling to walk away. Sometimes things can be talked about, or time apart can help, but other times, it is just best to walk away. I myself struggled for a year to do just that, but once I did, I started to feel so much better. 

 

If you need someone to talk to, about anything, feel free to add me. I'm wishing you the best. 

[Brother Bear]

I'm sorry this is happening to you. In my opinion, all of the telltale signs of a deteriorating relationship are present.

[Little kaiya]

How to end it . . . Well, my thought would be to just be honest. Tell them you've noticed they've changed, acknowledge it's their choice, tell them what you're looking for in a relationship and if the two aren't compatible and you cant find a happy middle ground then walk away.

 

Yes, relationships go through rough patches that need communication but at some point they can also deteriorate to the point they either can't be saved or saving them costs more time and energy than the happiness of being in the relationship.

 

Life is too short for you to waste your time or theirs if you aren't compatible anymore, it happens. You can try and fix things, which it seems you have to no avail, stay in a relationship that causes you more unhappiness than happiness or move on. You're 21, you're young, why tie yourself to a person who by your own statement has become an awful version of themself and doesn't seem interested in changing.

 

Little kaiya

Edited August 1, 2019 by Little kaiya

[Guest LittleSnowiii]

There's a difference between a true "i'm sorry" and a "don't give a shit so I'll say I'm sorry to dodge the situation". From what I read he's not really caring for you.

If you have been honest, if you talked to him (which you did) and he gives you no reason whatsoever to why he's that way, that's a red flag. 

There's daddies that become that way because of work, or a bad event in their lives, etc. But doesn't seem to be the case, since he flat out is dodging the situation and giving awful excuses.

[Guest LittleSnowiii]

To me you deserve way better darling. I really hope you find someone that truly treats you like you deserve

[Guest AlexaKim]

Take in a deep breath and think. Then try to sum up the courage and talk to him. Lay everything on the table and be honest. Cause from what I have read honey you deserve better than this. I don't know if this will help, but just be honest and talk it out.... as for ending it... my dear that is a decision you have to make. If deep down you feel that its time for you to walk away or walk out. You do it. If it means taking care of yourself then do what is right.

[baby_k]

Show him this  ( not just what you wrote but also other people's comments ) and see his reaction.

 

You have described well how you are feeling and what bothers you. If he won't even then talk/text with you, well..... you can just leave the rel. ( Give him possibility to text with you if he also has issues with selfexpression when talking and dealing with hard matters. At least his responses to you sounds like he is not able to really handle the issues well but avoids them ).

 

And for ending: best way to do it is to talk things through ( this btw never happens in just one convo ). It helps both parties to get over the rel better and to have no hard feelings in the end ( may take time thou ).

 

It depends a lot on people on how that talk goes; their current mental state, personality, past experiences and rel's status. However, before having "ending convo", be sure that you want to end. There is always possibility that he promases you the moon and stars if he realises that you are leaving and that can get messy and confusing for you. Or maybe he won't care at all. Or maybe he gets nasty and mean towards you. Or maybe he sees it as relief as he didnt have to start talking of it. Those are all pretty normal reactions for abandonment, so be mentally prepared.

[Guest Daddy-Tom]

Every time you said "a version of him" that wasn't quite accurate. This is not a version of him. This is the real him. The honeymoon phase is over. I'm sorry