How to Be Little by Yourself?

[KittyPrettyKitty]

Hi...

Recently my daddy and I decided that with how stressed out we are at the moment, DDlg isn't for the both of us for now. How can I be little by myself? I've always had a daddy so I'm pretty lost right now:(

[Little kaiya]

Like all of us you weren't always in a DDlg relationship. You say you've always had a Daddy which may be true recently but certainly hasn't always been. At one point you were a child and did child like things by yourself. Think back to those activities and do those kinds of things.

 

Littles, whether they like it or not, are still adults and need to be able to function independently when life requires it, after all relationships can end, stress can happen and other worse things.

 

Personally, I use children's books, stuffies and cartoons but each person is different.

 

Little kaiya

[KittyPrettyKitty]

Like all of us you weren't always in a DDlg relationship. You say you've always had a Daddy which may be true recently but certainly hasn't always been. At one point you were a child and did child like things by yourself. Think back to those activities and do those kinds of things.

Littles, whether they like it or not, are still adults and need to be able to function independently when life requires it, after all relationships can end, stress can happen and other worse things.

Personally, I use children's books, stuffies and cartoons but each person is different.

Little kaiya

When I say I've always had a daddy I mean in the sense that as long as I've discovered my little side, Daddy has been there. We're still together, just not in DDlg. With that, ofc I'm still wanting to have his daddy attention and everything, so its just that much harder to be little independently. Its just the little part of me is so strongly anchored in him that, honestly, I dont know if I can even be little by myself. But hopefully with your suggestions, along with many others, I can get there eventually.

[snugglybabybear]

• Cuddling/playing with stuffies/plushies.
• Children's books for reading, coloring in coloring books, working on a journal as your little self (decorating pages with cute stickers, stamps, etc.)
• Watch Disney/Pixar and other cartoon movies. 
• Bubble baths with bath toys. 
• Play/Build with legos. 
• Arts and crafts of some sort.

These are great ways to embrace the little in you and definitely don't need anyone else present to enjoy these things.

[squishymonster]

I would start by keeping track of your triggers - figuring out what puts you into littlespace without the need of a dom saying/doing something? An example is I like really soft things. Keeping these triggers in mind will give you a good starting point for settling into littlespace!! It's just up to you to find ways to keep that feeling going from there.

 

Try not to force it though, because you might find yourself more stressed. I feel like littlespace is different for everyone, so don't confine yourself to acting certain ways or doing certain things.

 

Have fun!! Play pretend. Pop in a nostalgic movie and roll around with a cuddly plush. Just take in the very valuable feeling of security. This is your very own area, and you should feel free to explore it without the guidance of anyone else!

[Cara Innes]

It can be extremely difficult, but I do try and carve out a few hours a week where I can regress and enjoy that mindset in pleasant ways.

Little kaiya said it well: I just try to remember all of the things that I would do alone as a child.  Crafts, bubbles, reading, cartoons, sketching, stickers, music, eating fun foods, or going outside to look at nature or watch the sky...

Ohh! And the holiday season is coming up. That's going to do a LOT to encourage my Middle side! Always did adore the holidays.

Hugging stuffies also helps, and I really *do* have an actual 'security book' that I can use when I need to. (( Funnily enough, going to pretty, kiddish places on the internet works well, too... my Middle REALLY likes the pretty pink, twinkly, sky background here, and the blackberry background I chose for my profile. ))

And! A neat trick to solving the 'not being read to part', (my Middle aspect craves that a lot. n_n; ), is the use of audiobooks that my Middle would like. It's so soothing to wrap up in a favorite blanket and relax and listen, with some pillows against my back....*especially* if I own that book. Because then, when I press play, I can follow along.



As far as from *just* a 'being lonely' perspective...It's a strange sort of self-mothering that I do, I suppose?

It might be a consequence of being the oldest child, I was kind of expected to help out with my siblings. So, if I get into Middle space and start getting upset about being alone, I try to mimic that speech (well...my thought patterns, anyway). I'll think sweetly and protectively to myself, and encourage myself the way I would a younger sibling.

And, if I find that I've drifted into Middle space when I didn't actually *mean* to be in Middle space while I'm in a place where I'm supposed to Adult, and I'm getting upset, I try to simplify whatever tasks I'm doing and keep myself thinking in a super methodical way. I encourage myself through one small step of a task after another -- keeping myself focused continually on whatever needs to be done next.

Keeping a steady, busy pace helps to keep those feelings on the periphery, until either I have time to deal with those feelings in normal ways, or to work my way back out of Middle space until a more pleasant time.

[Guest Looby-Lou]

It sounds to me like maybe it's not just activities that are the difficulty for you, it's the emotions?

 

You said things are stressful so possibly you're really feeling the need to be little, and have the comfort it can bring. But the person who was your Daddy can't fulfil that role at the moment. That's got to be tough.  I get why you feel a bit lost!

Plus any adjustment in a relationship can be tricky to negotiate and get used to.  I think it's brave of you to try to meet your needs on your own, and it's great that you're planning to do that.

 

I'd suggest going easy on yourself! Give yourself time to adjust to the change in circumstances. Don't force yourself to feel or be little. Just be aware of your emotions and what attracts you, and let this guide you (without letting it overtake your life of course). There might be things you enjoyed with your Daddy that you can enjoy alone, or you might find completely different ways of enjoying your littleness. It can be something you just feel, it doesn't have to mean doing something.

 

I hope things work out well for you both. And I hope you gradually become comfortable and happy with a different way of being little. 

 

Looby