Balancing joint roles in ddlg and bdsm

[Beckie]

Okay so I have a question for those who engage in both bdsm and ddlg. How do you manage it? I'm more interested if any littles are both littles and hardcore slaves/subs because I'm struggling to keep the two separate. Should they even be separate? I know I'm a little bit at the same time I am a submissive/slave who enjoys hardcore bdsm. I'm trying to find a stable and happy balance in between the two. Anything can help!

[Guest buddhagirl]

Why should they be separate? For Daddy and me they integrate together beautifully. You just need to do what feels right for you. Daddy and I are so happy together, and both enjoy DDlg and bdsm. These dynamics are just a part of who we are together.

[SpinSpinSugar]

I'm sort of having the same issue as my prospective and I are both Primal as well as DD/lg - I couldn't quite get my head round how I was going to mesh them together. At first I thought the Primal made me a bit bratty, and it's sometimes the case because I'm pushing for a response of dominance. I'm usually pretty compliant except when, shall we say, 'between the sheets' and then I'm a hellcat.  But once the core dominance is established, I'm a 'good girl' again, and happy to do so - and of course He loves it when I'm a hellcat or a 'good girl', so it's kind of a win win.

 

Maybe you need to just put yourself in the space of serving as being a 'good girl' - experiment with it a bit and try and figure out what can meld the two states together for you. It did my head in at first as well, but I'm getting more of a hang of it.

[Beckie]

Well I'm rarely bratty and if I am then it's kinda because my little doesn't know how to respond to something. It's just I feel that being a sub/slave is so much different than my little side. I've been viewing it as a form of aftercare but that the same time it probably shouldn't be limited to aftercare. I just have these roles that I feel all clash together.

[MsJessC]

This may not be your case, but there was a while when I was more caught up in labels than what our  actual dynamic is. Once I let go of how I thought I was "suppose" to be (as a slave, little, etc), then what we are flowed easier. Whatever interactions work for the two of you, that's what you are. It's what makes you you and your relationship like no one else's. 

[BH_Bambi]

We struggle with this too, and even after 2 years, there are still hiccups!

For us, the headspaces are very separate. I have little C, big C and my sub side. Sir feels Big, Dommy or vanilla in a day too. One of the obvious things is to tell your partner which headspace you're feeling more strongly. They may not be able to change and instantly match your headspace, but at least they won't interact with the wrong one!

To be honest, I'll be keeping an eye on this thread. Apart from headspace checks, we've never found a great way to figure this out. When we're in interacting headspaces, everything is fine, but when one of us struggles to find a personality it makes things difficult for us. Especially as my little and sub side are steadily meshing into one, while Sir's stay decidedly separate.

[Daddys__kitten]

We started out our relationship as D/s, but it slowly transformed into dd/lg. I don't think my little side differ (sorry, english is not my first language, is that even a word or am I making it up?) that much from my subside. But I know that being a dd is much more different from being a D for my daddy. I'm pretty angelic, and aim to please daddy as much as I possible can in every situation. Daddy on the other hand, didn't really know what to do or what his purpose was when he was just a dom, because I fulfilled all his wishes, even the ones he hadn't realised he had. Now it's more clear, he needs to take care of me, thats his purpose. Before I took care of him and myself. So a lot of burden is taken of my shoulders=i can function better, in other words, Im now capable to do even greater things for daddy.

Bla bla bla

The biggest difference is the sex thou. I used to like brutal sex, still do, but I don't need it in the same way I used to do. Before I needed brutalness (again, is that a word?) to really, really feel that the man had power over me, and that made me feel safe and calm. Now I know and feel in my everyday life that daddy is in control, I don't need the brutalness to feel his power. If that make sense.

[Guest Pouty Kitten]

It's more fluid in my relationship with my Daddy so I don't keep it separate. It works well for our relationship since I've made it clear how I am 100% submissive with "little" tendencies. I don't necessarily have a little side, it's all just part of my personality so everything flows really well together. I'm a bit of a masochist, too, so we incorporate that into our playtime.

[forest fairy]

We don't keep it separate either. Our dynamic is definitely DD/lg but I'm also still submissive and masochistic, and Daddy is still dominant and a sadist. 

[Guest MyDaddyMyWorld]

He is my daddy, my master, my owner, my Dominant and a whole bunch of other things all in one incredible man. I am just me. Cute and innocent sometimes, an obedient slave and a filthy something else sometimes. Lol sorry for being a bit graphic, just making a point. It's like asking how do I switch from being a mother to being an employee. I don't. I just do them all within my daily life. There are no defined lines.

[Darkling]

They should be as separate as you want. 

 

my Dada is my Dada... he puts me in diapeys an buys me stuffies... he also fists me an puts big dildos in me an spanks me til i squeal... cause i am His little princess an it makes Him happy... 

 

The headspace isn't so different.... i want to make my Daddy happy. 

[DaddyJsPrincess]

My Daddy and I started out with a pretty strict Master/slave situation. Neither of us had been in a 24/7 D/s situation before and we were REALLY EXCITED about it and we kind of took it overboard. DD/lg became the answer to our problem- we could have the power exchange and behavioral modifications and sadomasochism we wanted, and we could build it around a framework of loving nurture. I still revere him as my Master and I am fully his but now we feel freer to be silly and affectionate with eachother which is a big big win