A Question about Poly

[Ponygirl]

Hi all! 

 

So I have a question about being poly.  I always thought I was monogamous, but now I'm not so sure.  My Daddy said he really didn't think I was because I like to have different play partners.  But I saw that as that because I'm single, I'm just dating until I find the right 'one'.  But then I watched a youtube video on poly last night and now I'm really second guessing on if I'm mono or poly. How does someone know if they are mono or poly?  I'm really starting to think that I might be poly after all. Thanks for any info you can help me with! 

[Little kaiya]

Well, I think the first thing that is really important to understand is that having multiple partners and polyamory are not automatically the same thing.

 

Polyamory is literally loving more than one person. It mean sharing the good and bad, ups and downs, fun times, hard times and everything in between. People also may be interested in having multiple different sexual or play partners (what you described) which is more an open relationship. In general, where people have multiple partners the trend seems to be that people have an easier time with their partner having extra sexual partners than other partners they love on an emotional and intimate level.

 

As for how you know, well that's very, very individualized. There is no magic key, trait or criteria. My Wife and I of now 13 years (11 years when we found my Daddy) didnt go out looking for another partner, we didn't welcome him into our lives to try and fix our marriage or anything else like that either. For the first few months we didn't consider ourselves a poly triad because we hadn't developed that level of intimacy.

 

We knew for sure when we looked at what happened, having an open and honest conversation that could have damaged our marriage, bringing him into our home, the three of us not just calling each other family but feeling it deep in our hearts, him meeting my parents, us meeting his parents. As our relationship developed the three of us knew we wanted to spend our lives together.

 

I've held both my Wife and Daddy in my arms as they've sobbed through hard times. They both stood at my side when my dad died last year. We've celebrated successes together, cried at losses, traveled and vacationed together and fully brought the three of us into every facet of one another's lives. That's how WE knew we were polyamorous but it wont be the same for everyone. All I can share is our experience but just because others want/ have something different for polyamory doesn't invalidate their experience or ours.

 

The biggest thing I will suggest is to be sure whether you AND your partner want an open relationship or a polyamorous relationship because they aren't the same and to be honest both require SIGNIFICANT communication. Try talking to polyamorous people, ask questions, get different perspectives. YouTube videos are a source for information but probably not the best or even necessarily a good one, just our opinion of course.

 

Little kaiya

Edited July 22, 2019 by Little kaiya

[Guest Daddy-Tom]

Where's Jellybean when she's clearly being summoned? Lol

Being poly or being mono is a lifestyle. I don't think watching one video is going to sway you from one to the other. Dating multiple people until you find the right is THE DEFINITION OF MONOGAMOUS. If you are poly then "the right one" is "the right ones". It's about LOVE

[Ponygirl]

Thank you! You guys have helped me loads.  I really think I AM monogamous, I always have been in the past and I'm not sure I could ever 'share' someone that I love.  lol  I'm kinda greedy that way.     Thank you so much for the replies.