Will be Monogamous this time.

[TMilan88]

So, I'm pretty new to this site and am spending some time navigating through it before making a personal add. But I was thinking.

 

 

My last relationship with a little. We agreed to let her have a boyfriend. It was going well for a long time. We were actually engaged. When I got my new job, we moved. She ended up starting to sleep with one of her new coworkers at her new job. And she actually left me to go live with him. I think this time around, I want to be in a monogamous relationship.

 

Anyway, I was just kind of curious if anyone else had ever had something similar happen?

[Nibba]

Happens to me all the time

[Breakingrules]

Thats a pretty shitty thing to do... 

 

And tbh, it doesnt have to do anything with you, I guess. Your Little made the mistake. 

Maybe have some strict rules when you enter a new relationship? Start off monogamous and after that, you can see where that will lead you.

[Guest countlieberkuhn]

How about just stay monogamous?  I've got what seems like an old-fashioned view on the matter, but I'm of the belief that one person is all anyone needs in a committed, healthy relationship, and that in the vast majority of cases, polygamy will be problematic in the long term.  I'm sure there are a few exceptions.  But in my mind, if I had a little that was into polygamy, I would feel that her having me along with someone else would mean that I am not giving her everything she needs in a relationship, and as such it would fall apart sooner or later.

 

I don't want to bash the lifestyle as I'm sure there are success stories out there, but I personally don't see it being good beyond a bit of fun.  If you're getting to the point of engagement, you should probably both be at a point where you've realised the only person each of you needs is one-another.

[Little kaiya]

What you've described honestly sounds less of a polyamorous vs. monogamous issue and more of a relationship/communication issue. My Wife, Daddy and I are polyamorous and what you described, which sucks no doubt, isn't something we worry about because we are in a committed, closed, poky triad. It sounds like the bigger issue is your fiance wanted something else and didnt give you the respect of talking about it with you.

 

Being polyamorous doesn't mean you sleep with just anyone or mean you leave a current partner for someone else without any discussion. There are also plenty of cases where monogamous people will leave a current partner cheat.

 

I'm not saying this to try and change your mind, you do you, but more to point out that just deciding to be monogamous isnt a cure all to relationship challenges like what you described.

 

Little kaiya

[Guest countlieberkuhn]

Just deciding to be monogamous isnt a cure all to relationship challenges like what you described.

This is very true.  In my post above I was explaining how I felt polyamoury is flawed for long-term committed relationships, but as with everything there are bad eggs in all walks of life.  I still believe that monogamous relationships are better for life-long commitments, but if one is a cheater then it will of course fall apart, the same as in OP's case.

[Little kaiya]

Edited July 14, 2019 by Little kaiya

[TMilan88]

It's not something I've done in every relationship. This was the only one. She wanted to do it, so we agreed, well I agreed. We were trying it and agreed to stop if it got out of hand. It did get out of hand but she hid it from me. I've always been monogamous except for this one relationship.

[Little kaiya]

All relationships take openess, honesty and communication to be successful but polyamorous ones even more so to be honest. I'm not encouraging your to pursue polyamorous relationships in the future but I will say the issue you describe is less about polyamory and far more about your partner hiding things from you and not being truthful with you. What you've described can happen just as easily in a monogamous relationship as in a polyamorous one.

 

Any time one partner starts hiding things or lying to their partner it usually ends poorly. Hopefully you find someone who will be honest with you and respectful, whatever your relationship looks like.

 

Little kaiya