I feel so sad

[Anna5]

I am not spending any more time on this thread after this, I appreciate that it's time to call it a day, and there's clearly not going to be any agreement - but I just wanted to conclude my argument with something I have touched upon, but that I strongly think is an important consideration. Just because of the ludicrous level of double standards I see so often.

 

Random forum guy:

 

"My relationship with my girlfriend has hit a brick wall, because I've realised that I'm not a Master, I'm a Daddy Dom, and this isn't what she wants. It makes me sad, but we're just not compatible.

 

We'll stay together for now as I can't financially support myself. I've struggled to get employment in the past, so I've decided to start up my own business. I'm not generating any income right now, but I don't see why I should give up on my business and try again to find a steady job, when this business is what I really want, and my girlfriend will give me money and keep a roof over my head until I can afford to completely break things off and leave.

 

In the meantime, I'm feeling really sad and worried about myself and my prospects because it doesn't seem like there are many Littles around where I live. I've been signing up to numerous kink/CGl websites (and some are clearly better and more accessible than others), and I also scope things out on forums, but no joy. Does this mean that if I break up with her, I'll have to stay by my myself? Because I don't want that.

 

And you need to appreciate that I'm feeling sad right now, so if you feel the need to post any kind of criticism or negative opinion, you clearly lack the ability to empathise, there's something wrong with you, and you're a horrible person."

 

 

Yeah, I'm sure the sympathy would just flood in.

[little1grl]

You obviously have fake empathy. I feel bad for the people you work with, you must be really judgmental of them.

 

"Empathy is not the same thing as sympathy. And the latter is seemingly all you're after, as you appear to ignore any constructive suggestions just because they're not part of what you want to hear."

 

You are the only one saying this. And you know what? I did consider what you said, because I do that whenever I get "criticism". And then I realized it was ridiculous. Nobody else has accused me of using him, and people who know me and my situation would definitely not say I am using him. Even other posters on here don't think I'm using him. 

Sympathy (definition): feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else's misfortune.

Empathy definition: "the ability to understand and share the feelings of another."

I stand by what I am saying. You are not feeling empathy. I don't know if you are feeling sympathy, but honestly I don't want your pity (or anyones pity).

"You feel entitled to continue with starting up this business of yours, because it's what you want to do, and even though it's not making any money - hey, it's okay your partner will financially support you. "

I have said in more than one post, that if we break up, then I will be looking for a full time job. I just won't be able to do it right away because it takes time to FIND a job. And honestly I have said this so much that I don't see how you could have missed it. Especially since you said you read my posts so much. As far as now, when we are together? My Sir has been very supportive of me, and wants me to stick with it and not give up.

"You are so upset at the imminent break up (which, even though you've been pretty sketchy about this, you're obviously not actually broken up yet), that you're signing up to several kink/CGl websites, and being so thorough that you're actually getting frustrated at the particular search functions/specific criteria of different sites"

I have not been thorough at all. I have contacted nobody. Actually all I did was a search, to see if they exist in my area. I have had no intention of contacting anyone either. I was frustrated because the big dating cite for ddlg doesn't seem to allow people who are also kinky. It really upset me because that (kinkiness) is important to me. And the other sites I searched returned zero results for my area.

 

"And again, you have completely avoided the question of whether your current partner knows that you're already on such a thorough search, while he continues to support you. "

 

Actually, he does know. I don't keep things from him. He also knows I am not seriously looking...just looking to see if they exist. I told him this before I even created the OP.

 

" And seriously, the fact that you're even thinking about finding Daddy Doms while you are still in a relationship is just cold."

 

This is inaccurate. I am not looking for a Daddy Dom while still in my relationship. (How many times have I repeated myself?) I have said this several times. Again, I was just looking to see if Daddy Doms existed in my area.

 

"You also might consider the fact that throughout the course of this interaction you have called me a horrible person, told me there's something wrong with me (a lot of this in your very first response as I recall), and threw my advice and genuine sympathy back in my face. It was only after all of that I said what I said about you being self-entitled etc. Which, yeah, I suppose you could take to mean that I'm calling you a horrible person if you want - but what I was actually saying is that you appear to have characteristics that mean you more easily allow yourself to do not very pleasant things."

 

I have called you a horrible person because from the outset, you said I was using this guy. I told you very clearly why and how that was not happening, and how for example (how many times do I have to repeat this) if we broke up, I would of course have to get a job and work on the business on the side. But, despite your claims of reading my posts, you continued with this. And to say I am using him? That is basically the same as calling me a horrible person, because only a horrible person would use someone like that. So from the outset, you were putting me down and subtly calling me a horrible person. I tried SO MANY times to explain it to you, but you seem to be ignoring what I write. With how many times I wrote it, I think you must be doing it intentionally. All of your "points" that you have been making about this, I have actually told you are inaccurate and I have explained why. Multiple times.  And I am telling you again in this post. But yet you still continue to ignore what I say because it doesn't fit YOUR version of reality.

 

"And what you say about basically just wanting to know if they are out there in your area, but you won't act on it yet, doesn't even make sense. Daddy Doms are not commodities attached to particular area codes, they are individual people. What are you doing, making a list of the people you see now so you can message them in a year's time?"

I don't see why this is so perplexing. No, I am not making a list of them. I just wanted to know, are there one or two or none at all in my area? Or are there hundreds? Do they exist at all? Or are there a lot of them? Because if they don't exist then I can expect to be alone for a long time. I am not the only one who has done this, another poster on here has said they have done the same exact thing. It doesn't mean I am ready to replace him.


"Yeah, I'm sure the sympathy would just flood in. "

This proves my point. You don't even have sympathy here, let alone empathy. And you're the only one who has posted on here this kind of bashing. Everyone else has been supportive. But you don't even have sympathy, which is a lower form of empathy. Doesn't matter, I don't need it nor want it from you. Actually I don't want ANYONE's sympathy, I do not want to be pitied.

I think another thing that is going on here.... if you aren't intentionally ignoring what I write when I've explained why I'm not using him, then you seem to be completely filtering out what I say. Which honestly, is really quite strange considering how much I have repeated myself. You're the one who originally said this, so I suspect it's accurate: You're only looking at what fits YOUR version of reality.

Again I feel so bad for those people you work with. In your head, you must be very judgemental of them. Maybe you act like you are all good and kind, but even sociopaths have been known to do a lot of good deeds and to help people, because it makes them look good. I'm not going to go so far and say you are a sociopath because I don't know you, but the point is if they can be involved in doing good deeds for the sake of looking good, so can you. And once you get an idea in your head, anything that doesn't fit your reality is something you just don't see. If you truly are in the helping field, that is not a good trait to have for the people you work with. (It's not a good trait for anyone to have).

Edited July 15, 2019 by little1grl

[Anna5]

I'm not going to respond point by point, because we both seem to feel like we're repeating ourselves and the other person isn't hearing the other. I just fundamentally think we have different world views, and there is no rectifying that. If you can't see how coming out with things like "if we break up I'll of course have to get a job" when you're already working on scoping out your options for when you do ultimately break up with him - I can't help you.

 

And I don't care remotely that other people here have agreed with you. Just because other people share your opinion, it doesn't make it right.

 

But what exactly are you trying to suggest I'm doing to the people I've supported over my career? I don't judge the people I work with, I do quite the opposite. I am however 'judging' your behaviour, because it doesn't come from disadvantage or circumstances out of your control, it comes from a self-centred attitude. I adore my job and nothing makes me happier than seeing the successes of the people I've worked with over the years, it is extremely rewarding. And you know what - maybe if you stopped living in a fantasy world where you can just start up your own business whenever you like and subsist off of other people, and you actually worked on your self-development and achieving independence - one day you might understand what that feels like. And maybe then you won't feel as though you have to have someone else to take care of all of your needs all the time.

 

Goodbye, good luck to you.

[Guest Daddy-Tom]

It doesn't seem like there is a solution that doesn't involve you both seeing other people, whether you stay together or not

[little1grl]

I'm not going to respond point by point, because we both seem to feel like we're repeating ourselves and the other person isn't hearing the other. I just fundamentally think we have different world views, and there is no rectifying that. If you can't see how coming out with things like "if we break up I'll of course have to get a job" when you're already working on scoping out your options for when you do ultimately break up with him - I can't help you.

 

And I don't care remotely that other people here have agreed with you. Just because other people share your opinion, it doesn't make it right.

 

But what exactly are you trying to suggest I'm doing to the people I've supported over my career? I don't judge the people I work with, I do quite the opposite. I am however 'judging' your behaviour, because it doesn't come from disadvantage or circumstances out of your control, it comes from a self-centred attitude. I adore my job and nothing makes me happier than seeing the successes of the people I've worked with over the years, it is extremely rewarding. And you know what - maybe if you stopped living in a fantasy world where you can just start up your own business whenever you like and subsist off of other people, and you actually worked on your self-development and achieving independence - one day you might understand what that feels like. And maybe then you won't feel as though you have to have someone else to take care of all of your needs all the time.

 

Goodbye, good luck to you.

Exactly my point, you don't read what i said. I told you so many times, but you have blinders on. Yes, you are a very judgemental person and you lack empathy which makes you selfish.

 

I think you don't want to read what other people have wrote, because you filter reality the way you want.. I wonder how many people who really needed your help that you turned away because they were "not disadvantaged enough" by YOUR definition.

 

You don't know me, stop calling me self-centered. You are the one displaying this.

 

 

[little1grl]

You know what? I’m tired of this conversation. And wasting my time with people whose opinions aren’t worth anything. What you say is worth less than nothing. So you know what? Go ahead have the last word. Call me self centered and selfish again. That seems to be what you like to do. Good luck in your life, good luck in your fantasy world. I suspect you’ll need it with how judgemental you are. I just hope that nobody who you’ve deemed as “selfish” and not worth any empathy doesn’t suffer too much because of your actions or lack thereof. Edited July 15, 2019 by little1grl

[Anna5]

Okay, you go ahead and think that. Just because I don't feel sorry for you personally and agree with you personally, obviously I'm entirely blinkered, selfish, and horrendous at my job to the point that I'd be exploiting my position and gate keeping. Because everything is ultimately about you, right? Funny how I'm unbelievably fulfilled in my work, support people to achieve great outcomes and make sustainable positive change, and have a number of wonderfully supportive and strong relationships. I guess everyone else around me can't have your outstanding intelligence and insight.

 

You're still in a relationship, and looking for other prospective partners (regardless of how soon you intend to actually reach out to them). You refuse to look for a job to support yourself, because you feel entitled to carry on with this business venture of yours, and be supported by someone else (incidentally, the aforementioned partner). By your own admission, you would "of course" get a job if you had to break up sooner rather than later. But fortunately for your selfishness, it looks like it might well be later. Giving you plenty of time to continue to delude yourself, and sign up to plenty more kink/CGl websites.

 

So, you know what - I certainly feel a great deal of sympathy here - for your current partner.

 

Again, goodbye. I implore you to go dedicate your time and effort to figuring out how to look after yourself.