I feel so sad

[little1grl]

I feel so sad, I feel like I will be alone. I'm with my Sir now, but he wants a slave and I have recently realized I'm not a slave but a little. I have some slave-like traits but I am not a slave. I also want bdsm in my relationship (even though I don't get anything sexual out of being a little I do like non-masochistic bdsm stuff).

 

We will stay together for now, because financially I'm not able to support myself. (I'm trying to build a business full time and right now it makes no money because its new). But as soon as I can support myself, I think he will not want me because I'm not a slave. Or, he won't want me as anything but a girl on the side (while he has a primary that is a slave).

I really love him, and he satisfies most of my needs. He plays with me with my stuffies, he takes me to Disney World and lets me get all kiddish, etc.He's very nurturing. He sets a  bedtime for me....but, he wants a slave and I am not one. When I first met him I thought I wanted to be a slave but now I realize I am not one. I tried really really really hard to be one, but its just not me. He is very sad about me not being a slave and he has been very patient with me trying to figure things out. But its a need that he has, to have a slave, and I just don't fit it.

I feel like after him I may have trouble finding the right person. I don't do internet or online dating, it fulfills and satisfies nothing for me. And I can't move because of my business. (Plus I don't feel safe moving to someone to live with them when I haven't known them outside of living with them for awhile). Even if I was to get a job, my career is so rare I'd have to move to whatever city has a job opening. I couldn't move to where a Daddy Dom is.

 

I don't know how common Daddy Doms are, especially ones into non-sadomasohistic bdsm. 

So i feel really sad, like I will be alone for a long time. I have tried to look at dating sites, but all the BDSM ones seem so sex focused and not relationship focused. And they don't have much space to put down "little". I met my Sir on collarspace, but it seems they no longer have a way for you to put details about what you are interested in and it doesn't seem very useful without that. I did a search on there and in my entire state there are only a handful of Daddy Doms.

I tried to create a profile on datecgl.com but I think I filled it out wrong so I will probably be rejected.

So I feel really down. To make things harder, he is my first love.

I wish I was a slave and not a little.

[Little kaiya]

There are lots of Daddy Doms out there that are into B&D or S&M and you don't have to do online dating to find them. My Daddy and I found one another at a convention for a mutually shared interest and have been together for a year and a half so fair and are even closer than ever. He collared me and I proudly wear my day collar everywhere I go as I am both his little and submissive.

 

As for him wanting a slave, well that's his choice, just as it is yours not to want to be one or not wanting to be a side piece. Staying together for financial reasons sounds rough and not really healthy for either of you. Could you not separate amicably but still live together allowing each other to still find what you really want?

 

All I can really say is stay true to yourself, respect each other and look for what you want, neither of you should be forced to settle.

 

Little kaiya

[Ebony Fruit Bat]

I'm really sorry you feel like your future with your Dom is so bleak. It is really mature of you to realize who you are and are not, what you want, and not try to glue yourself ina relationship that isn't working for either of you. You don't sound too thrilled on becoming a side piece, and any new sub/slave may take issue with that as well. If that isn't what you want then stand firm against it, you've come to these very mature and self confident conclusions of what you want and need for yourself this far. Kaiya has a good idea about separating on good terms and allowing each other to find partners while sharing the home/apartment until you get on your feet. I hope that you can get your business up and running soon.

[ForeverFluffy]

Hello, OP.

Like the previous posters above me, I think that it's good that you reached this conclusion. Knowing what you do and don't want, what you are and aren't willing to accept, and who you are and aren't, are hallmarks of maturity.

I think the best thing to do, like Kaiya said, is to dissolve the relationship and live together as roommates until you are in a position to be financially independent. Find friendships outside of your current partner. Build a support system. And keep on the lookout for affordable housing in your area (and apply for housing assistance if you're in dire straits).

You can do this.

Best wishes.

[Anna5]

I'm sorry, I don't want to seem like an ass here, and I understand that you're going to be feeling a bit confused/lost right now - but if a Caregiver came on here and said that they were staying with a Little for financial (or some such) reasons, I'm pretty sure people would (rightly) be very disturbed by that fact. This should be no different.

 

Your partner has been completely upfront about their needs from the start. You have come to a realisation that those needs are not compatible with yours, and it's great that you have acknowledged that, but right now what you are doing is using the poor guy - and from the sounds of it, I suspect he has no idea. Jesus, you're already talking about moving on like it's a done deal, but in the meantime it sounds as though you're quite happy to accept him looking after you in several respects.

 

It's not always easy to understand and find the kind of relationship/dynamic that is going to fulfill you, and you're doing the right thing in reaching out to a community of people such as this for advice. There are, as has been said, plenty of places that you can go to seek out people who may be more compatible. It's probably not going to be easy, but these are places to start. But this isn't just about you and your needs, and the fact that you're basically looking for advice on how to find someone else while you're still with this guy is just outright cold. I would be absolutely crushed if I saw a partner posting something like this about me, and if you truly love this person as you say you do, then maybe you should think about how he would feel if he saw this.

 

And honestly, if you really identify as a Little and want to find a Daddy, something you should bear in mind is that mutual respect and honesty is going to be integral (really, as it is for any meaningful relationship). People aren't just there at your convenience.

 

If you can't move out on your own because of the business that you have chosen to start, well, that is rough, I get that. And it may seem unfair. But that, unfortunately, is life, for most of us. Most of us have had to struggle and sacrifice to get to where we want to be. So maybe your business needs to go on the backburner while you get a job with a dependable income so you can stand on your own two feet. But maybe not, if you can find a way to make it work - I hope you can. But this guy (and nobody else) deserves to be used to prop you up until you figure this out.

 

I wish you luck in finding what you want. Just please don't screw blameless people over on your way to getting it.

[Anna5]

*doesn't deserve

[little1grl]

I'm sorry, I don't want to seem like an ass here, and I understand that you're going to be feeling a bit confused/lost right now - but if a Caregiver came on here and said that they were staying with a Little for financial (or some such) reasons, I'm pretty sure people would (rightly) be very disturbed by that fact. This should be no different.

 

Your partner has been completely upfront about their needs from the start. You have come to a realisation that those needs are not compatible with yours, and it's great that you have acknowledged that, but right now what you are doing is using the poor guy - and from the sounds of it, I suspect he has no idea. Jesus, you're already talking about moving on like it's a done deal, but in the meantime it sounds as though you're quite happy to accept him looking after you in several respects.

 

It's not always easy to understand and find the kind of relationship/dynamic that is going to fulfill you, and you're doing the right thing in reaching out to a community of people such as this for advice. There are, as has been said, plenty of places that you can go to seek out people who may be more compatible. It's probably not going to be easy, but these are places to start. But this isn't just about you and your needs, and the fact that you're basically looking for advice on how to find someone else while you're still with this guy is just outright cold. I would be absolutely crushed if I saw a partner posting something like this about me, and if you truly love this person as you say you do, then maybe you should think about how he would feel if he saw this.

 

And honestly, if you really identify as a Little and want to find a Daddy, something you should bear in mind is that mutual respect and honesty is going to be integral (really, as it is for any meaningful relationship). People aren't just there at your convenience.

 

If you can't move out on your own because of the business that you have chosen to start, well, that is rough, I get that. And it may seem unfair. But that, unfortunately, is life, for most of us. Most of us have had to struggle and sacrifice to get to where we want to be. So maybe your business needs to go on the backburner while you get a job with a dependable income so you can stand on your own two feet. But maybe not, if you can find a way to make it work - I hope you can. But this guy (and nobody else) deserves to be used to prop you up until you figure this out.

 

I wish you luck in finding what you want. Just please don't screw blameless people over on your way to getting it.

 

 

Wow you completely misunderstood what's going on.

 

First of all, we've talked about all this, and he knows about the difficulty we've been having. He would not be surprised to see this post. He knows that I've been feeling depressed because I want to be with him but this issue has cropped up. We had a long talk about it. He was the one that said he wouldn't kick me out due to financial reasons. I don't feel comfortable staying with him for financial reasons only, either, you know. But the reason I feel sad is that I love him, and I don't want to leave him BECAUSE I love him. THAT is what I'm having so much difficulty with.

 

And honestly, I'm not so sure i could just get a job. I've tried. I've really really tried. But I've lost maybe 50% of the jobs I've ever held. (And some of the ones I didn't get fired from, I quit before I would have). I have three degrees, but I haven't been too successful at keeping a job. True, I wasn't treated for my ADHD back then, but still, my medication doesn't completely fix my ADHD. (I have an atypical form of ADHD which is why I can get three degrees). I'm sure there is a job out there for me if I keep looking, but even if I were to abandon my business and go for a job, I may not end up keeping the first job I get. But because I have an atypical type of ADHD, I can't just google "Jobs good for people with ADHD" because even things like being a waitress, which most ADHD people are supposedly good at, I could never do. I wouldn't be able to do it.I literally cannot multitask, my brain doesn't work that way. But I suck at administrative work too. So, I wouldn't even know what kind of job to get.

 

Whereas with my business, it's the first time I'm actually good at something in the work world. Too bad there are pretty much no jobs in the area for what I do. I suppose I could move for one, but again, moving takes money. But I'm actually getting success at my business, and this is the first time I've ever had success in a career or job like this. Not just skating by but doing well. But it takes time to build a business to make enough money.

 

So it's not like I'm being selfish about staying with him for financial reasons. It's more like, I don't know how to support myself.

 

And that is my dark secret, I wouldn't tell anyone in person about, because I am so ashamed that I haven't had much luck keeping jobs.

 

And the real issue is that I love him, and don't want to leave him for that reason. THAT is what is making me sad. I'm sure that if that wasn't an issue, I'd find a way to support myself financially, it just wouldn't be overnight. Hence, why we would stay together for financial reasons. And again, he was the one who said this not me. But I really don't want him to resent me for that. Even so, I love him and have been feeling on and off depressed about the idea of not being with him.

[Anna5]

No, I don't think I did misunderstand - at least, not as far as I can tell from all of the information you've actually shared so far.

 

Yes, you have made it clear that you've had discussions about the fact that you're unfortunately incompatible - but I'd be surprised if you'd outright said (in one way or another), "I'm only staying here until I can afford to move out, and by the way, in the meantime I'm looking for someone else who can better fulfill my needs." Or maybe you have - in which case I apologise. Although you weren't at all clear about that in your original post.

 

In fact, your first post seemingly made it pretty clear that you were sad because you were scared of being alone (including having to be independent). Unless I missed it, there was no meaningful mention of your partner's feelings at all.

 

I never suggested that it's easy to get a job. It's damn hard. I'm not one for divulging my life story, issues, barriers, qualifications etc. unless it's relevant and constructive, but let's just say - I hear you. It sucks. And you are more than entitled to pursue your dream, I wish everyone could do the same. But here's the kicker - not everyone can, at least not as and when they choose. And if you can find an ethical way of supporting pursuing your dream, that's fantastic. And hey, if your ex is willing to be your friend and still support you - amazing! But he's not your ex yet, as far as he is aware. You are still together, but you are publically asking for advice on how to move on from him. And then, when you find someone else to support you financially and otherwise - and only then - will you actually break up with him. It's not the point that he wants to support you right now, because you are in a relationship with him now - but you won't be, by your own extremely blunt admission, if/when you have enough money to move on. And again, the worst thing is that you're so concerned with finding someone else already - and that the main thing you've spoken about is how hard things are for you. When this guy has done nothing wrong, and actually sounds extremely supportive (again, based only on what you have chosen to share).

 

Look, I get that you're having a tough time. I don't know you, or your situation, not really. But the small window into your life that you've offered here - for literally anyone to see and comment on - makes it sound distinctly like you are using this guy. And there are too many people around these parts treating people/talking about people as though they are essentially dispensable. So I hope you can understand, if you reflect on what you have actually posted, why I have felt inclined to say the things that I have.

[Guest Daddy-Tom]

If you both love each other and want to be together but aren't fully compatible then have you considered trying polyamory? Edited July 14, 2019 by Daddy-Tom

[StellaBella]

Finding a dom daddy wont save you from your financial issues. you'll still be his 'slave'. you'll always be a slave when you're 'dependent' on someone else. 

Edited July 14, 2019 by StellaBella

[little1grl]

No, I don't think I did misunderstand - at least, not as far as I can tell from all of the information you've actually shared so far.

 

Yes, you have made it clear that you've had discussions about the fact that you're unfortunately incompatible - but I'd be surprised if you'd outright said (in one way or another), "I'm only staying here until I can afford to move out, and by the way, in the meantime I'm looking for someone else who can better fulfill my needs." Or maybe you have - in which case I apologise. Although you weren't at all clear about that in your original post.

 

In fact, your first post seemingly made it pretty clear that you were sad because you were scared of being alone (including having to be independent). Unless I missed it, there was no meaningful mention of your partner's feelings at all.

 

I never suggested that it's easy to get a job. It's damn hard. I'm not one for divulging my life story, issues, barriers, qualifications etc. unless it's relevant and constructive, but let's just say - I hear you. It sucks. And you are more than entitled to pursue your dream, I wish everyone could do the same. But here's the kicker - not everyone can, at least not as and when they choose. And if you can find an ethical way of supporting pursuing your dream, that's fantastic. And hey, if your ex is willing to be your friend and still support you - amazing! But he's not your ex yet, as far as he is aware. You are still together, but you are publically asking for advice on how to move on from him. And then, when you find someone else to support you financially and otherwise - and only then - will you actually break up with him. It's not the point that he wants to support you right now, because you are in a relationship with him now - but you won't be, by your own extremely blunt admission, if/when you have enough money to move on. And again, the worst thing is that you're so concerned with finding someone else already - and that the main thing you've spoken about is how hard things are for you. When this guy has done nothing wrong, and actually sounds extremely supportive (again, based only on what you have chosen to share).

 

Look, I get that you're having a tough time. I don't know you, or your situation, not really. But the small window into your life that you've offered here - for literally anyone to see and comment on - makes it sound distinctly like you are using this guy. And there are too many people around these parts treating people/talking about people as though they are essentially dispensable. So I hope you can understand, if you reflect on what you have actually posted, why I have felt inclined to say the things that I have.

 

 

The idea would be that I would move on when I'm financially able. It just might not be overnight.

 

But you know, none of this is what I want. I'd rather stay with him. Just not sure he wants me to, especially if I can't be his slave.

 

Actually I don't want to find someone else, not really. Maybe my OP made it sound like it, but it's not what I want at all. I guess I was sad in my post about being alone, but I'm more sad about losing him because I love him.

Edited July 14, 2019 by little1grl

[Anna5]

Yeah, I entirely get that that is "the idea" - that you'll break up with your partner when you no longer need his money. I've not in any way misinterpreted what you've said - and your "idea" is exactly the problem. You're using him. And as I've said, he may be happy to support you right now, while you're still in a relationship (as far as he's aware), but does he realise that not only is he just propping you up until he's no longer needed, but that you are at the same time actively looking for another, more compatible person to move on to?

 

Because, that is exactly what you're doing. You are talking about online dating, where to find Daddy Doms etc. There is nothing ambiguous about what you've said on this website in this respect, so I honestly don't know who you are trying to convince.

 

It's sad that you've found that your needs aren't compatible, and I can understand that you're scared about the difficult road that will lie ahead. Honestly, I know it can be heartbreaking to have to confront that you have such fundamental inccompatibilities with someone you still want to be with. But the harsh reality of it all does not give you license to use another human being financially and emotionally for as long as is convenient for you, until you have the money/Daddy to fulfill your needs.

 

Life is tough, your situation is very difficult, and you obviously need some support - but nobody owes you anything.

[little1grl]

Anna5

 

I am not using him. So get the heck off this thread. I'm tired of you saying that. And I am not actively looking for anyone. All I wanted to see is if other people, Daddy Doms, exist at all, in my area. But I have made no contact with anyone and don't plan on it. 

 

What is wrong with you? I'm feeling really depressed and down, and you think its a great idea to try to kick me when I'm down? Seriously there is something wrong with YOU for doing that.

I even shared something really personal, and you still keep kicking me. I told you I can't just find a job right away, but that I would leave when I can. What the heck do you expect of me, to go homeless?

 

Get away, I don't want to hear from you. I think there is something seriously wrong with a person who puts down someone who is feeling really depressed, and then essential suggests I should feel bad about not making myself homeless because otherwise "I'm using him".

Don't ever talk to me again.
 

Edited July 14, 2019 by little1grl

[little1grl]

Yeah, I entirely get that that is "the idea" - that you'll break up with your partner when you no longer need his money. I've not in any way misinterpreted what you've said - and your "idea" is exactly the problem. You're using him. And as I've said, he may be happy to support you right now, while you're still in a relationship (as far as he's aware), but does he realise that not only is he just propping you up until he's no longer needed, but that you are at the same time actively looking for another, more compatible person to move on to?

 

Because, that is exactly what you're doing. You are talking about online dating, where to find Daddy Doms etc. There is nothing ambiguous about what you've said on this website in this respect, so I honestly don't know who you are trying to convince.

 

It's sad that you've found that your needs aren't compatible, and I can understand that you're scared about the difficult road that will lie ahead. Honestly, I know it can be heartbreaking to have to confront that you have such fundamental inccompatibilities with someone you still want to be with. But the harsh reality of it all does not give you license to use another human being financially and emotionally for as long as is convenient for you, until you have the money/Daddy to fulfill your needs.

 

Life is tough, your situation is very difficult, and you obviously need some support - but nobody owes you anything.

 

 

And one other thing. I will not "break up with him when I no longer need his money". You make it sound like I have no interest in him other than his money. What total BS. I have been on and off depressed for the last few days because I have felt like he doesn't want me, and that I'll never find someone as amazing as him ever again. Even if money wasn't an issue I would feel the same way. But as it is now, if he kicked me out at this moment I'd be homeless. So he said he wouldn't do that.

 

If anything, living with him for financial reasons and not being his girl is even more painful than just not living with him at all. Because every day I'd be aware of what I can't have. The lack of connection would hurt so much.

 

I'm not dumping him or breaking up with him, he's the one that doesn't want a non-slave as his main girl. If he was able to be ok with a non-slave girl, then none of this would even be an issue. Or if I could be a slave, then it would also be a non-issue. And eventually I'd make more money myself, so that money wouldn't be an issue.

 

He's smart, he's funny, he's kind, he's amazing, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Because of who he is. I love him.

Edited July 14, 2019 by little1grl

[Anna5]

Look, I'm honestly not trying to upset you. I get that you're going through a rough time, and in certain respects, I certainly feel for you.

 

You're of course very welcome to shut me out. I don't know you and our opinions of one another don't really matter. But the situation you outlined very clearly on a public forum pointed to an innocent party seemingly being disrespected and taken advantage of. So I felt the need to call that out. There are plenty of people here calling out selfish/abusive etc. 'Caregivers' in forums like this, and rightly so, but I'm not one for double standards. And I actually don't believe I've been disrespectful in what I've said, I have merely expressed concerns relating to facts of the matter that you have chosen to share. And aside from all of that, if you put things out on a public forum, you can't then censor the responses. Other people aren't only going to tell you what you want to hear.

 

Maybe you're not accurately relaying the situation, as I find it hard to believe that anyone could be so devoid of self-awareness and empathy. Or maybe I'm misunderstanding, although I have carefully re-read what you've said, and you have actually reaffirmed the core of what I'm calling out in your subsequent posts. As far as I can see, you have described here that you have been looking for Daddy Doms so you can essentially gage how easy it's going to be for you to move on to one of them, and in the meantime you're staying in a relationship that you ultimately know you will end (regardless of why or how much it upsets you) in order to maintain the financial support of your partner/the roof over your head. And what if you do/don't find that there are Daddy Doms out there in your local area? It makes it sound like you're kind of hedging your bets. Either way, the way you have described things seriously makes it sound as though you are using this guy.

 

Seriously by definition, what you outline time and time again points to a case of using - temporarily keeping hold of something (in this case, your partner) while it's useful, but ultimately being willing to discard it as soon as an alternative is found that better suits your needs (in this case, your own money/a Daddy).

 

I'm not "kicking" you. I'm taking no pleasure in this conversation or the fact that you are upset. But frankly, if the truth hurts, maybe you should reflect on why that is. And being depressed does not entitle you to have everything on your terms.

 

And, to be clear, you chose to volunteer personal information that was nothing really to do with what I was saying - I wasn't calling you out for not being able to get/keep a job, I was calling you out for the reasons I have clearly outlined.

 

I don't "expect" you to be homeless, and I certainly wouldn't wish that one anyone; however adulthood and reality does 'expect' that you seek the support you clearly need, in a way that doesn't exploit other people, to enable you to stand on your own two feet. I'm not belittling that struggle, but again, nobody owes you anything, and plenty of us have had to face similar and worse struggles. In more than one way here, you're not alone. But ultimately, if you know you are going to break up with this guy eventually, it's only fair on him that you cut the cord now (as has already been suggested) - and stop even thinking about your other options as far as alternative partners go before you have done so, because that's just outright disrespectful, amongst other things. I obviously don't know your housing situation, but if you have any rights as far as your tenancy goes, he can't just kick you out. Plus, he sounds like a reasonable guy, and someone who genuinely cares for you, so I guess he may well be happy to continue to live with you if things are done amicably. And maybe he will even be happy to continue to support you financially on a temporary basis - but you have to allow him to make an informed decision about that, knowing all of the facts. But either way, sooner or later, I'm sorry but the only option available to you is to generate your own income

- and if it does end up being sooner rather than later, that means looking for work, and I would suggest, making a welfare benefits claim in the meantime. And unfortunately this probably means putting your business on the backburner for now, although maybe you could maintain it as a sideline, if you think you can find a balance.

 

I honestly wish you well, and I hope you find your path. You've clearly overcome and achieved a lot, and I expect you have more strength than you know. I've got no right to tell you how to live your life, and I don't intend to patronize, but honestly, I would so suggest that - rather than effectively making other people have to take responsibility for your upkeep (practically and emotionally speaking) - you put your strength into your own self-development and finding your own way.

Edited July 14, 2019 by Anna5

[little1grl]

I don't understand why you keep seeing me as using him. He did make an informed decision to help me out until I can get on my feet. I am not using him. I would never do that to him.

 

I am not trying to stay in the relationship for the money. I think I've told you dozens of times, its not about that. I am not that kind of person. I can't just get a job tomorrow, it would probably take me at least a few months to find something. But I don't know how to say it anymore or explain it more clearly, that I am not using him. 

It baffles me that you expect me to move out tomorrow and live...where? I'm not even on the lease, since I don't make enough money to be. So, yeah, I don't have anywhere to go. I also want to add that I live in a cruddy state, there is no welfare for people who don't have babies, children, or are pregnant. So I really would be homeless if he kicked me out tomorrow.

If I didn't love him, and didn't want to make this work somehow, I would just find a way to leave right away. (But again I can't do it tomorrow it takes time to find a job).

It baffles me that you expect me to leave tomorrow. That I'm not allowed to have some time to get myself financially self-sufficient, to get a job, etc. 

I think your misunderstanding lies in the idea that you think I am willing to discard him as soon as an alternative is found. What alternative are you thinking, a Daddy Dom? I won't be dating for at least a year after (if) I break up with my Sir, because I would need time to get over him.

And I would do anything to stay with him. I never will discard him. He's the one who wants to discard me, if I am not a slave for him.

I don't know how to say it again, but it is not about me discarding him when he isn't useful. My god, what kind of person do you think I am? 

I guess I'd just have to repeat myself until I'm blue in the face, because you seem to have your own opinion and your own biases. Your not seeing:

1. He's the one who doesn't want me. I'd do anything to stay with him, not because of money, but because I love him.

2. I would never discard him.

3. I am not looking for some other Daddy Dom to financially take care of me.



But I guess you see that I am financially not self-sufficient, and you saw "we will stay together for financial reasons".... unless....did you interpret that as "stay together in a relationship?" I meant "stay together in the same house". And then only stay together until I'm supporting myself financially. So unless you completely misunderstood that, what you are saying makes no sense. It's not unreasonable to want to avoid homelessness.

So maybe that's where the misunderstanding lies.

If he doesn't want me because I can't be a slave, of course we won't stay together in a relationship.

Edited July 14, 2019 by little1grl

[Anna5]

I said pretty much the exact of opposite of suggesting you just "move out tomorrow" and make yourself homeless. I think I actually gave a pretty considered response in relation to your housing situation.

 

I don't think it's by accident that you're trying so hard to re-direct attention to only the financial side of things in your responses, when that is only part of what I've called you out on. So, you know what - fine, I'll go with it - let's say that this guy is totally okay with supporting you financially and keeping a roof over your head right now, and this is an entirely mutual and informed decision. Okay. (I still believe that the reality is you are going to have to support yourself financially soon, not least because it's the right thing to do - and also I think you need to acknowledge that starting up your own business is unfortunately basically a luxury, not a right. I would love to start up my own business, but I, like most people, am not in a financial position to do so. But anyway, let's put that all to one side for now.)

 

Let's just re-focus for a second on the fact that, somehow in the midst of all of your sorrow, you've found the time to be scoping out how many Daddy Doms might be in your local area - for the purposes of assuring yourself that you'll have someone else to move on to when you no longer need to depend on your current partner. Because, seriously, reflect on your original, detailed post - you made literally no meaningful mention of your partner's feelings, it was undeniably focussed on your fears stemming from the fact that you're struggling to figure out how you'll find a Daddy, and worrying that you'll end up alone.

 

I'm honestly doing my own head in with the amount I'm investing into this conversation - but I've decided that I'm absolutely sticking to my guns here. I've stumbled across other things that you've posted here about your 'struggle', e.g.:

 

...I was poking around, looking at dating sites and they were pretty much empty. Nobody in my area, or hardly anyone, on the sites I looked at...

 

I would not be interested in an online relationship at all, and I can't move because of my job. So does that mean, if I break up with my (non-Daddy Dom) Sir, I won't find anyone who is a Daddy Dom in my area? Daddy Doms seem rarer than Master's, and I didn't think Masters (as in Master/slave) were all that common."

 

(You, Yestersday)

 

This kind of thing (and this is not an isolated example) simply serves to reaffirm to me that I'm not off base here. Regardless of the practicalities of your situation, you're clearly playing a game, with the seeming pretty much sole objective of fulfilling your own wants and needs.

 

I've tried to be polite; to take into account that you're hurting right now, to attempt to gain a better understanding of what's going on here, and offer some advice. But you've clearly made up your mind that you're right, and that you're the victim here - and obviously you were only here for sympathy, rather than anything remotely constructive.

 

Good luck to you, your 'partner', and any Daddy you happen to eventually make contact with during your ongoing thorough search.

[little1grl]

I said pretty much the exact of opposite of suggesting you just "move out tomorrow" and make yourself homeless. I think I actually gave a pretty considered response in relation to your housing situation.

 

I don't think it's by accident that you're trying so hard to re-direct attention to only the financial side of things in your responses, when that is only part of what I've called you out on. So, you know what - fine, I'll go with it - let's say that this guy is totally okay with supporting you financially and keeping a roof over your head right now, and this is an entirely mutual and informed decision. Okay. (I still believe that the reality is you are going to have to support yourself financially soon, not least because it's the right thing to do - and also I think you need to acknowledge that starting up your own business is unfortunately basically a luxury, not a right. I would love to start up my own business, but I, like most people, am not in a financial position to do so. But anyway, let's put that all to one side for now.)

 

Let's just re-focus for a second on the fact that, somehow in the midst of all of your sorrow, you've found the time to be scoping out how many Daddy Doms might be in your local area - for the purposes of assuring yourself that you'll have someone else to move on to when you no longer need to depend on your current partner. Because, seriously, reflect on your original, detailed post - you made literally no meaningful mention of your partner's feelings, it was undeniably focussed on your fears stemming from the fact that you're struggling to figure out how you'll find a Daddy, and worrying that you'll end up alone.

 

I'm honestly doing my own head in with the amount I'm investing into this conversation - but I've decided that I'm absolutely sticking to my guns here. I've stumbled across other things that you've posted here about your 'struggle', e.g.:

 

...I was poking around, looking at dating sites and they were pretty much empty. Nobody in my area, or hardly anyone, on the sites I looked at...

 

I would not be interested in an online relationship at all, and I can't move because of my job. So does that mean, if I break up with my (non-Daddy Dom) Sir, I won't find anyone who is a Daddy Dom in my area? Daddy Doms seem rarer than Master's, and I didn't think Masters (as in Master/slave) were all that common."

 

(You, Yestersday)

 

This kind of thing (and this is not an isolated example) simply serves to reaffirm to me that I'm not off base here. Regardless of the practicalities of your situation, you're clearly playing a game, with the seeming pretty much sole objective of fulfilling your own wants and needs.

 

I've tried to be polite; to take into account that you're hurting right now, to attempt to gain a better understanding of what's going on here, and offer some advice. But you've clearly made up your mind that you're right, and that you're the victim here - and obviously you were only here for sympathy, rather than anything remotely constructive.

 

Good luck to you, your 'partner', and any Daddy you happen to eventually make contact with during your ongoing thorough search.

You know what? I give up. You're going to believe whatever you want. You may be reading what I'm writing, but you're obviously not listening at all. I cannot keep repeating myself. I never claimed to be a victim, might I add. Can't a person be sad about the ending of a relationship? Can't a person be worried they won't find anyone else? I guess not in your book.

 

I'm pretty sure other people won't come to that conclusion, if they actually read everything I wrote. So it doesn't matter what you think. If you want to trash me on here by saying I'm using him, then fine, do what you want. What you're saying is inaccurate, hurtful and offensive, and it makes me wonder why you stick to your belief so much despite what I have said. Maybe you have used someone in your life and you're feeling bad about it? That would be my guess. Actually, considering how much you've stuck to your opinion despite what I've said, I would pretty much bet on it. 

 

You're a really horrible person. Kicking me when I'm down, then making it all sugary and polite to make it seem like you're not.

Edited July 14, 2019 by little1grl

[Anna5]

I've explained to you very clearly what my comments have specifically been based on and grounded in (again - all facts that you have chosen to divulge), and in response, you have literally nothing to say to the specific points I've made. And now you simply start throwing around completely baseless accusations in an attempt to distract/project.

 

Actually, no, I have never used someone as you suggest. I've made mistakes, sure, and I am very far from perfect - but I feel very lucky with where my life is right now, and I think that a big contributor to that is that I have hugely valued and respected the people in my life who I care for, and who care for me. And, incidentally, I have worked my ass off - having to work some shitty jobs along the way, before being able to actually pursue what I'm truly good at, and something that actually means something to me. In the face of some significant barriers (it's not a competition, so I'm not going to list them).

 

No, you've never said, "I'm a victim" - but for crying out loud - look at the title of your original post, and then look at how much time underneath it you dedicate to talking about how hard things might be for you because you're struggling to find local Daddy Doms, and you're worried about being alone/independent when you're finally able to break up with your partner. Actions speak louder than words - although your words also speak pretty bloody loudly enough.

 

I've stuck to my opinion because of the facts that you've presented. Which I have read, carefully. Unlike you, apparently, I actually read, consider and respond specifically to what's been put before me.

 

And here's what's been put before me - you've absolutely, flippantly, been talking about finding Daddy Doms in your area, feeling sorry for yourself because you can't find any, all the while while you remain in a relationship with someone that you're relying on to support you until you're able to move on (I remind you - "So does that mean, if I break up with my (non-Daddy Dom) Sir, I won't find anyone who is a Daddy Dom in my area?")

 

I'm not surprised you "give up" conveniently before offering any explanation as to why you feel it's acceptable to be scoping out your options for a Daddy while you're still with this guy, as long as you need him. God forbid you acknowledge the reality of what you're saying/doing.

 

All I'm seeing is a person who is self-entitled and self-serving, with a seeming complete inability to self-reflect.

 

I only hope that there are plenty of Caregivers who see this, and steer a million miles clear of you for at least a little while. Because you don't need a Caregiver right now, you need to put some serious effort into self-reflection and taking responsibility for yourself.

 

I'm not going to tell you that you are likewise a "horrible person". Because I don't think I need to.

[ForeverFluffy]

Wow. That escalated quickly....

 

I don't think OP is using their current partner. Breakups are hard, man. Just because OP poked around on a dating website doesn't mean they aren't hurting. (Hell, a lot of people do it. It's like a form of self-torture) OP feels alone. OP feels unwanted. And those are normal feelings to have during a breakup. I think OP just wanted some comfort, not to be bashed.

[Anna5]

It's not just "poking around" though is it? That might have been quoted, but to me, based on the original post and other posts on this website, it rather more strikes as a concerted effort. All while she is still in a relationship with this guy, who is still supporting her in several senses. I implore you to look again at the content of the original post, and the reasons given for such sadness.

 

And all I'll say is - if you look at this post and imagine that it was a Caregiver saying it, does that change your opinion? Also, imagine you are this woman's partner, and how you might feel about the reasons she's describing she's sad. Maybe that makes no difference to how you view all this, but if so, hey, I guess we all interpret things differently.

 

But for the record, I have on numerous occasions offered what I intended to be constructive advice, and genuine empathy and sympathy. And prior to me adding my last post, I had been told there's "something wrong" with me, called a "horrible person", accused of being someone who uses other people in my life, and had any sympathies thrown back in my face and called false. So, by the time of my last post, I felt quite comfortable with offering my more personal assessment of this person, based on my interpretation of her attitude and actions.

 

But in any case, the fact that she only wanted comfort, I think was obvious. And in itself kind of the problem. We shouldn't be hear to only tell people what they want to hear, and I'm not taking part in a culture where only certain people have to be held accountable for the things they say and their behaviours. We are all ultimately adults here, and this was very much an adult discussion.

[Guest little nemo]

Hey OP, just want to say that I never got any bad impressions from your first post. I understood it to mean that you guys have pretty much separated or understand that the relationship isn't going anywhere, but have agreed to still live together for the time being so you can land on your feet. I think this is the case for a lot of couples when they break up. It's a testament to both of you/your relationship that you guys can so maturely transition out.

 

I would also be scoping out the dating scene if I knew my relationship was pretty much over. It's understandable and human to me that you would be worried about being alone, especially since your current relationship has made you concerned about whether a nonBDSM daddy exists. You are trying to see if what you want is a possibility, to know that you won't be alone forever, to know that what you want is ok--no wonder you would go look for the possibility where most daddies are.

 

I'm sorry this is such a difficult time for you. I know what it is like to feel depressed, alone and hopeless. I also know how tough feeling insecure about your job prospects is. I wish you good luck with your business and hope you can move forward with this very quickly. Do you have a support network that could help you out when you do move out? Do you see a therapist for ADHD and other life issues? I agree that if it takes a while to get the business up and running, finding at least some part time work would be beneficial. You can do it.

 

Another thought, you could find some work, and then leave as soon as you can--I think you'd feel better if this situation isn't prolonged, and feeling better might help you build your business faster.

 

I apologize if I misinterpreted anything.

Edited July 15, 2019 by little nemo

[little1grl]

I've explained to you very clearly what my comments have specifically been based on and grounded in (again - all facts that you have chosen to divulge), and in response, you have literally nothing to say to the specific points I've made. And now you simply start throwing around completely baseless accusations in an attempt to distract/project.

 

Actually, no, I have never used someone as you suggest. I've made mistakes, sure, and I am very far from perfect - but I feel very lucky with where my life is right now, and I think that a big contributor to that is that I have hugely valued and respected the people in my life who I care for, and who care for me. And, incidentally, I have worked my ass off - having to work some shitty jobs along the way, before being able to actually pursue what I'm truly good at, and something that actually means something to me. In the face of some significant barriers (it's not a competition, so I'm not going to list them).

 

No, you've never said, "I'm a victim" - but for crying out loud - look at the title of your original post, and then look at how much time underneath it you dedicate to talking about how hard things might be for you because you're struggling to find local Daddy Doms, and you're worried about being alone/independent when you're finally able to break up with your partner. Actions speak louder than words - although your words also speak pretty bloody loudly enough.

 

I've stuck to my opinion because of the facts that you've presented. Which I have read, carefully. Unlike you, apparently, I actually read, consider and respond specifically to what's been put before me.

 

And here's what's been put before me - you've absolutely, flippantly, been talking about finding Daddy Doms in your area, feeling sorry for yourself because you can't find any, all the while while you remain in a relationship with someone that you're relying on to support you until you're able to move on (I remind you - "So does that mean, if I break up with my (non-Daddy Dom) Sir, I won't find anyone who is a Daddy Dom in my area?")

 

I'm not surprised you "give up" conveniently before offering any explanation as to why you feel it's acceptable to be scoping out your options for a Daddy while you're still with this guy, as long as you need him. God forbid you acknowledge the reality of what you're saying/doing.

 

All I'm seeing is a person who is self-entitled and self-serving, with a seeming complete inability to self-reflect.

 

I only hope that there are plenty of Caregivers who see this, and steer a million miles clear of you for at least a little while. Because you don't need a Caregiver right now, you need to put some serious effort into self-reflection and taking responsibility for yourself.

 

I'm not going to tell you that you are likewise a "horrible person". Because I don't think I need to.

Oh I get it. You lack empathy. You see me having a hard time, then you say I'm whining and acting the victim. And you bash me. You probably also think that all people who aren't financially supporting themselves are lazy losers. You worked so hard to get where you are, and then you got the benefits of that hard work, so you can't imagine why it might not work that way for other people.

 

Yes, that's called a lack of empathy. 

 

I hope caregivers stay CLEAR away from you, because you will just be selfish in your relationships on account of lacking empathy. 

 

You didn't call me a horrible person but you said "All I'm seeing is a person who is self-entitled and self-serving, with a seeming complete inability to self-reflect. " Let me try to reach you and activate your empathy... how do you think saying that is going to make someone feel, especially someone who is feeling really down about something in their life? Can you think about that?

 

Calling me those things amounts to the same thing as calling me a horrible person. By the way, have you ever heard of projection? That sounds a lot like you. You can't even empathize with someone who is hurting. Instead you bash me, and call me terrible things. What kind of person does that?

 

And for your information, people in my life have told me I am very self-aware. I am very good at self-reflection. I think you need a little of that yourself. Except you won't because you are so certain that you are right. So you will just go on, lacking empathy for people (which is called being selfish might I add). And be completely unaware of it.

 

But you know, people will read this and discern the truth of what's going on. So no more needs to be said.

Edited July 15, 2019 by little1grl

[little1grl]

Hey OP, just want to say that I never got any bad impressions from your first post. I understood it to mean that you guys have pretty much separated or understand that the relationship isn't going anywhere, but have agreed to still live together for the time being so you can land on your feet. I think this is the case for a lot of couples when they break up. It's a testament to both of you/your relationship that you guys can so maturely transition out.

 

I would also be scoping out the dating scene if I knew my relationship was pretty much over. It's understandable and human to me that you would be worried about being alone, especially since your current relationship has made you concerned about whether a nonBDSM daddy exists. You are trying to see if what you want is a possibility, to know that you won't be alone forever, to know that what you want is ok--no wonder you would go look for the possibility where most daddies are.

 

I'm sorry this is such a difficult time for you. I know what it is like to feel depressed, alone and hopeless. I also know how tough feeling insecure about your job prospects is. I wish you good luck with your business and hope you can move forward with this very quickly. Do you have a support network that could help you out when you do move out? Do you see a therapist for ADHD and other life issues? I agree that if it takes a while to get the business up and running, finding at least some part time work would be beneficial. You can do it.

 

Another thought, you could find some work, and then leave as soon as you can--I think you'd feel better if this situation isn't prolonged, and feeling better might help you build your business faster.

 

I apologize if I misinterpreted anything.

Thank you, I really appreciate the comments. It means a lot.

Edited July 15, 2019 by little1grl

[Anna5]

Nope, not at all. In fact my entire career has been focussed on supporting people who may not have the same opportunities as others - people with mental health issues, people with learning disabilities, people who have been through traumas, people who are homeless, people in/leaving foster care etc. I'm good at what I do because empathy is central to what I do. I know first hand what it's like to be neglected, abused, unwell, with no home of your own, and nobody to trust.

 

I do not in any way think of people as 'lazy losers' - I know that everyone has their own story, their own barriers (often personal, social and structural), and that everyone has to start somewhere. But the key thing is, everyone has to in some way or another want that help, to take some individual responsibility, and to do something constructive, even if it's just small steps.

 

Empathy is not the same thing as sympathy. And the latter is seemingly all you're after, as you appear to ignore any constructive suggestions just because they're not part of what you want to hear.

 

Yeah, I'm sure a lot of what I've said hasn't made you feel great - yep, I can certainly empathise with the fact that you're feeling awful, and someone's come along and said something to you that you don't like, and now you feel worse. Sorry about that. But that doesn't mean that what I said isn't true - and furthermore, people aren't just here to make you feel better about yourself by supporting your version of reality.

 

You also might consider the fact that throughout the course of this interaction you have called me a horrible person, told me there's something wrong with me (a lot of this in your very first response as I recall), and threw my advice and genuine sympathy back in my face. It was only after all of that I said what I said about you being self-entitled etc. Which, yeah, I suppose you could take to mean that I'm calling you a horrible person if you want - but what I was actually saying is that you appear to have characteristics that mean you more easily allow yourself to do not very pleasant things.

 

But in any case, I stand by what I said.

 

You feel entitled to continue with starting up this business of yours, because it's what you want to do, and even though it's not making any money - hey, it's okay your partner will financially support you.

 

You are so upset at the imminent break up (which, even though you've been pretty sketchy about this, you're obviously not actually broken up yet), that you're signing up to several kink/CGl websites, and being so thorough that you're actually getting frustrated at the particular search functions/specific criteria of different sites, as well as asking for advice about finding Daddy Doms on public forums, and talking about how very sad you are that you're struggling to find any. And again, you have completely avoided the question of whether your current partner knows that you're already on such a thorough search, while he continues to support you. So I expect he doesn't know. And seriously, the fact that you're even thinking about finding Daddy Doms while you are still in a relationship is just cold. And what you say about basically just wanting to know if they are out there in your area, but you won't act on it yet, doesn't even make sense. Daddy Doms are not commodities attached to particular area codes, they are individual people. What are you doing, making a list of the people you see now so you can message them in a year's time?

 

If I felt my partner (who is also my Caregiver - but I'll be sure to tell him you said he should be steering clear of me) and I were imminently going to break up, the last thing on my mind would be looking for other Daddies/prospective partners in the area. I would be too heartbroken to even think about another relationship. You on the other hand have instantly jumped to sadness at the prospect of not being able to find someone else. And I'll say it until I'm blue in the face - the whole point of your original post here was that you were sad at not being able to find Daddy Doms in your area, and you made not one single meaningful mention of your partner's feelings until I called you out.

 

And again, regardless of how happy this guy is to support you financially now, I would be extremely surprised if he'd be quite as happy if he saw posts you'd made here, or your web history - all of which points to a concerted effort to be scoping out how easy it's going to be for you to move on to someone else.

 

But I don't know, maybe he would be fine with it. It sounds like you're quite good at surrounding yourself with people who are willing to support your version of reality.

 

Final thought - maybe dedicate some of the time you're spending looking for a Daddy, instead looking for realistic career prospects for yourself, and seeking out whatever support you need to achieve some actual independence, before you think about entering into another relationship.

Edited July 15, 2019 by Anna5