Poly stuff

[kittyboo]

So I'm not sure if I need advice or just want to vent, but I've been seeing my daddy for about 4 months now and he is poly. I was open to poly but never really classified myself as poly. I feel fine about him playing with and seeing others, although it was odd at first, but we recently had a conversation about what happens if he meets another romantic partner rather than a play partner.

 

I told him I didn't like the idea of him having another little. The thought of someone else calling him daddy and him calling them princess makes me want to cry. He suggested that there could be something special that only we do together, but neither of us have figured out what that could be yet. I'm still stuck on the struggle of him possible having another little.

 

He said that he thinks I should be more active in meeting other people, but I don't really know how and I don't want to do it just because he is, I want to do it when I meet someone I genuinely like and stuff, but I guess I wont ever meet anyone if I'm not looking?

 

I'm generally just confused rn and I think we're both worried it'll get to 6 months down the line and he'll meet someone else and I won't be able to handle it because I won't feel like his special little girl anymore. Doesn't help that I've just gone back on my anti-depressants so everything is all just a bit meh right not anyway. I don't know what to do.

[xBabydollx]

It's great that u guys are discussing things in advanced. There is a huge difference in having play partners vs a romantic partner who they will love and care for. The fact that the idea causes u distress and the new partner doesn't even exist yet is something to really think about. Even if he claimed he wouldn't fall for another little, I wouldn't believe it. Poly ppl can't control who they fall for, just like with anybody else. If he gets a little, I would also find it hard to believe that it is some activity u guys would do, that his new little wouldn't also desire of him. I think it will have to be something really unique. I think the real concern seems to be u worried about not being as special to him. I think u should get a new partner only when and if u are ready. Getting a new partner won't erase any negative feelings u may get from him being with someone new tho. With Poly ppl, each partner is special to them in their own way, even if they are both littles/subs etc. If u truly don't think u can handle sharing his love/affection vs simply what's in his pants, it would be wise to be honest about it to ur self now. Even if u wont be seeing/hearing about his future relationships, not knowing can cause just as much pain from simply wondering.

[Guest Daddy-Tom]

If you are not poly it may not be a good idea to be with someone who is for this exact reason

[kittyboo]

How do you ever know if you don't try?

 

If you are not poly it may not be a good idea to be with someone who is for this exact reason

[Little kaiya]

Being polyamorous is like anything else, it is unique to the individual/individuals involved. Nobody can really tell you what you should or shouldn't do with respect to polyamory. I'm going to share my experience and my perspective but to be very clear it is just my experience not some set of rules or suggestions.

 

First to clarify something REALLY important, having extra play partners is an open relationship which is different from polyamory. Polyamory truly is multiple LOVES. If he just has extra play partners please realize that isn't actually polyamory but instead it is having an open relationship and the two are VERY different and distinct.

 

My wife, Daddy and I never set out in search of a polyamorous relationship. None of us went looking for one, said "hey, I'm this way so need another partner" or made a conscious decision about it. Heck, for the first number of months we didn't even see ourselves under the polyamorous label.

 

There are a lot of things you can know without trying them, e.g. I know I dont want to do pet play because the masks freak me out, i know i don't want a stay at home spouse because i want an equally contributing partner, I know I wouldn't want to be in a DDlg relationship that was non-sexual because I'm a very sexual person and I know I wouldnt want an online relationship because I prize physical contact. Polyamory to me is the same, if you dont like the thought of your partner having an intimate, emotionally deep relationship with someone else it probably isn't for you. That said only you know yourself.

 

As for the difference between your partner having a play partner and a romantic partner. There is DEFINITELY a significant difference between those two things to me. A lot of people are more ok with a sexual play partner than a deep abiding love partner. My wife was the opposite, she was not ok with the idea of a FWB but wanted to be sure the person I brought into our lives and home was someone I truly love, a bit opposite of the norm.

 

Now, you say you are ok if he has play partners but not romantic ones or little ones. If you aren't ok with him having another little he needs to know that and then he needs to decide if he's ok with that restriction, some people would be, others wouldn't. The idea of having something special for the two of you I dont think, being honest, is effective or a good idea. You would probably find yourself asking what equally unique and special thing he had with his other little that you didnt have with him. That jealousy could grow and be very destructive.

 

As for actively looking, nope it is not required, only if YOU want to do it not just him wanting you to do it. I wasn't looking, my Daddy wasn't looking and my wife wasn't pushing me to look. It can happen organically but to be fair that does make it less likely.

 

Honestly, what you describe doesn't make it sound like you want to be poly or have a partner that is poly. I will use the term poly for the sake of replying to your original post but "open" is far more accurate. It sounds like you accepted him as poly to make the relationship work but if he finds someone else he loves, which is what polyamory is about, vs a play partner, which is an open relationship, you would be unhappy.

 

Don't compromise who you are and what you honestly want for someone else. It isn't fair to them or you. If you are really open to having a polyamorous relationship then that means he will be in a loving, romantic, relationship with someone else. Now, whether that allows for other littles or not is very different and thats up to the two of you.

 

Little kaiya

Edited July 8, 2019 by Little kaiya

[kittyboo]

Thank you for your points of view. I am definitely taking them into consideration as I move forward.