Learning New Things

[PrincessSnorlax]

i was wondering, how many of you take time to research/read articles etc based around bdsm/ddlg to broaden your knowledge? do you do this regularly or just when preparing yourself to try something new? Is it included in rules to do research or something you do out of your own interest? do you research alone, or with your sub/dom? do you share you're findings with your sub/dom or just keep them for personal growth? also could you let me know if you're a dom/sub/little etc when answering  

 

thank you

[Daddys-A-Hero]

I'm very new to this, and a Daddy. I definitely found it useful to research as much as I could to get a clear idea of what I might like, and what other peoples thought, opinions and advice was.

 

I also think (and have actually found it to be essential) that when embarking upon this kind of relationship it is very important to discuss it with your partner, so that both of you have a clear idea of hopes, expectations and boundaries. It would be easy to accidentally become emotionaly damaging or even abusive if you misunderstood a partner's mental and emotional needs and states.

 

That said, as long as both people are happy and consensual, no need to over think it, and you can learn what works for you both along the way, rather than feeling you have to follow some random person on the internet's template and ideals. Its a very personal thing and I'm sure experiences, preferences, attitudes and actions vary wildly from relationship to relationship.

[Little kaiya]

I'm a little/sub and I can honestly say my Daddy/Dom and I don't really do research into DDlg or BDSM in general. For us these things are very individualized and a lot of articles, sites, blogs, etc., propose one way to do things but often it is framed as the "real" or only way to do things, something we don't believe in. The idea of "real" vs "fake" within DDlg or kink in general is just so ridiculous.

 

There is nothing wrong with doing research if one is looking for ideas but we'd rather take the time, talk to each other, explore together, find out what we like and don't like. Research can give a benefit sure but there are a lot of people who seem to prioritize research over communication with their partner which can cause issues. For example, there was a recent thread where a person researched then based on that research thought all littles have DID, amnesia and childhood sexual trauma, obviously not even close to being a true picture.

 

I guess it all really depends what motivates people to research and then how they use it. For us we might research something that has technical considerations, wax play or fisting, but less so when it's about the relationship dynamic or emotional elements.

 

Little kaiya

Edited July 7, 2019 by Little kaiya

[zanderandspike]

I did a lot of research when I first got into thing and then again when I turned 18(I felt really weird about being on site with that info as a minor, so basically when I turned 18 I just dove headfirst into reading about it)

 

Personally I find it important to know what you're doing at least mildly for some things, and hugely for others, I think it really depends on a)what you're doing and b)who you're doing it with. I do agree that communication is more important than any sort of book or website could tell you. Having said that, there are things you do need to know(I'm not sure how graphic I can be, sorry) things like which lube to use, and condom information is super important and for some of us the only was to learn that is research. 

 

I also did a lot of research cause it took me a stupidly long time to realize that I'm a switch and that being a switch isn't a bad thing, like wow that felt harder to admit than admitting that I like bdsm lol

 

do you do this regularly or just when preparing yourself to try something new? - I personally do it really randomly, mostly just when I think of a question, or read up on here or fetlife I stumble on things

 

Is it included in rules to do research or something you do out of your own interest? - no but I think that's an interesting idea

 

do you research alone, or with your sub/dom? do you share you're findings with your sub/dom or just keep them for personal growth? - I do mine alone, but that could change if I was in a relationship, the only times I share/have shared with anyone is if I find something really interesting 

[Ikneelonly4Daddy]

Holy moly - a lot of good questions.

 

I’m a little/sub. I go through phases doing research and reading stuff about BDSM, etc. It helps me learn more about stuff I might or might not be interested in. Reading/research/reaching out to others is important because I want to make sure I don’t get used and abused. I like hearing other people’s experience. I want to make sure I’m taking responsibility for my own safety, self care, wants and needs. Plus it’s fun.

 

Daddy and I sometimes research things together. I read a lot on my own and read anything Ive found interesting to him so we can talk about it. Sometimes it’s just for my own edification.

 

It’s important to know how to set boundaries and take care of yourself.

[xBabydollx]

Im a sub/little. I love doing research. I used to do so much of it when I first learned about BDSM, to the point where lots of friends in the lifestyle would use me as a sort of info guide lol. It is fun to learn about various kinks, read about other ppl experiences, and tips in general. Im the type of sub who likes rituals/daily tasks, so one of mine was to learn something new everyday and share it with the Dom I had. I think it opens up a good line of communication to share new topics with ur partner. This way u find new interests, or maybe even add more to ur limit list. u will never know everything and I personally think it doesn't hurt to expand ur horizons. There can also be a sense of comfort in hearing other ppl experiences, as long as u know that their experience won't necessarily be yours.

[PrincessSnorlax]

I'm very new to this, and a Daddy. I definitely found it useful to research as much as I could to get a clear idea of what I might like, and what other peoples thought, opinions and advice was.

 

I also think (and have actually found it to be essential) that when embarking upon this kind of relationship it is very important to discuss it with your partner, so that both of you have a clear idea of hopes, expectations and boundaries. It would be easy to accidentally become emotionaly damaging or even abusive if you misunderstood a partner's mental and emotional needs and states.

 

That said, as long as both people are happy and consensual, no need to over think it, and you can learn what works for you both along the way, rather than feeling you have to follow some random person on the internet's template and ideals. Its a very personal thing and I'm sure experiences, preferences, attitudes and actions vary wildly from relationship to relationship.

 

 

of course! communication is essential with any bdsm dynamic. trust and communication are probably the main two important factors for me thank you for your feedback 

[PrincessSnorlax]

I'm a little/sub and I can honestly say my Daddy/Dom and I don't really do research into DDlg or BDSM in general. For us these things are very individualized and a lot of articles, sites, blogs, etc., propose one way to do things but often it is framed as the "real" or only way to do things, something we don't believe in. The idea of "real" vs "fake" within DDlg or kink in general is just so ridiculous.

 

There is nothing wrong with doing research if one is looking for ideas but we'd rather take the time, talk to each other, explore together, find out what we like and don't like. Research can give a benefit sure but there are a lot of people who seem to prioritize research over communication with their partner which can cause issues. For example, there was a recent thread where a person researched then based on that research thought all littles have DID, amnesia and childhood sexual trauma, obviously not even close to being a true picture.

 

I guess it all really depends what motivates people to research and then how they use it. For us we might research something that has technical considerations, wax play or fisting, but less so when it's about the relationship dynamic or emotional elements.

 

Little kaiya

 

 

Thank you for your feedback i agree there, its not a one size fits all thing is it! I've often found swell, a lot of misleading information on websites/blogs on the few times i have researched for various reasons. some of the stuff ive come across in the past could actually be dangerous with what had been recommended

Edited July 10, 2019 by PrincessSnorlax

[PrincessSnorlax]

I did a lot of research when I first got into thing and then again when I turned 18(I felt really weird about being on site with that info as a minor, so basically when I turned 18 I just dove headfirst into reading about it)

 

Personally I find it important to know what you're doing at least mildly for some things, and hugely for others, I think it really depends on a)what you're doing and b)who you're doing it with. I do agree that communication is more important than any sort of book or website could tell you. Having said that, there are things you do need to know(I'm not sure how graphic I can be, sorry) things like which lube to use, and condom information is super important and for some of us the only was to learn that is research. 

 

I also did a lot of research cause it took me a stupidly long time to realize that I'm a switch and that being a switch isn't a bad thing, like wow that felt harder to admit than admitting that I like bdsm lol

 

do you do this regularly or just when preparing yourself to try something new? - I personally do it really randomly, mostly just when I think of a question, or read up on here or fetlife I stumble on things

 

Is it included in rules to do research or something you do out of your own interest? - no but I think that's an interesting idea

 

do you research alone, or with your sub/dom? do you share you're findings with your sub/dom or just keep them for personal growth? - I do mine alone, but that could change if I was in a relationship, the only times I share/have shared with anyone is if I find something really interesting 

 

thank you for your feedback

[PrincessSnorlax]

Holy moly - a lot of good questions.

 

I’m a little/sub. I go through phases doing research and reading stuff about BDSM, etc. It helps me learn more about stuff I might or might not be interested in. Reading/research/reaching out to others is important because I want to make sure I don’t get used and abused. I like hearing other people’s experience. I want to make sure I’m taking responsibility for my own safety, self care, wants and needs. Plus it’s fun.

 

Daddy and I sometimes research things together. I read a lot on my own and read anything Ive found interesting to him so we can talk about it. Sometimes it’s just for my own edification.

 

It’s important to know how to set boundaries and take care of yourself.

 

Thank you for your feedback that's the main reason i do research tbh is to hear of other peoples experiences etc, because like you say - its fun  

[PrincessSnorlax]

Im a sub/little. I love doing research. I used to do so much of it when I first learned about BDSM, to the point where lots of friends in the lifestyle would use me as a sort of info guide lol. It is fun to learn about various kinks, read about other ppl experiences, and tips in general. Im the type of sub who likes rituals/daily tasks, so one of mine was to learn something new everyday and share it with the Dom I had. I think it opens up a good line of communication to share new topics with ur partner. This way u find new interests, or maybe even add more to ur limit list. u will never know everything and I personally think it doesn't hurt to expand ur horizons. There can also be a sense of comfort in hearing other ppl experiences, as long as u know that their experience won't necessarily be yours.

 

Thank you for your feedback