Middle with poor self body concept

[Johnney7212]

I have a middle with little tendencies. She's truly amazing, and I love everything about her. But she has a very, very poor body concept. So much that it worries me heavily. She's always bashing on how she looks. I really need some help on this, I want to help her but I don't know how.

[Guest LaidBackDaddy]

I am going to be honest. I have no practical advice to give for helping her see herself as you see her. Words never seem enough. But I will give you this one tip..... If you really care for her, never give up on her and never let your worry supersede what she is feeling. Trust me, what she is going through is far far worse then how bad you feel for her. And I am sure you know that. Maybe a better way of saying it is, Always show support for her, not worry. She doesn't need another reason to doubt herself.

[Johnney7212]

That... was actually better advice then I think you realize. Thank you

[PocketPrincess]

Oh... I used to be like that until my daddy told me I had the strenght to change what I didn´t like about me.

He also accepts the way I look and what I think my flaws are. Remember to tell them you love all those things, kiss their parts when you both are alone, remind them you care now and always  <3

[Guest littlemissragamuffin]

There's a little voice in her head that is always telling her she's not good enough. It's there, it's tiny, it sneeks in when your not looking! There isn't really much you can do, other than be totally suportive(not of bad things of couse) and tell her everyday all the time what makes her wonderful. Tell her she's pretty and beautiful a million times a day. Be sneeky with it. When she smiles comment on it, when she walks comment on it, the way her hair falls or whatever. Everyday, all the time have something good. Even little things. And have it come out of nowhere. Don't just comment on something when she's complaining about herself

[LB Chris]

Assert what's right about her not least her looks so she knows you love her as she is.

[LittleAki]

When I first met my Daddy, I thought I was the ugliest girl out there (okay, maybe not THAT bad, but pretty close).

 

So when we started with D/s and followed with DD/lg, he made a rule. I could complain all I wanted about how I looked, but if I wanted Daddy to listen, I had to say a compliment for every bad thing I wanted to say. It wasn't an overnight success, but after awhile, I was able to stop looking at all the things I didn't like and focused on the things I did like. Maybe this might help her too.

[CandyMilk]

As her Daddy you are also in a unique position to help her improve her body.  We want to please you guys more than anything else!  My Daddy has strict rules for me on diet and exercise, and I follow them to the letter, always.  Making him proud is more rewarding than any sweet in the world.

[fluffycity]

My advice is to stop thinking about this as something you can give her feedback on. Her self-image doesn't care what you (or anyone else) thinks, our perception of ourselves is always going to be the loudest voice in the room.

 

Instead, discourage negative talk and promote positive talk. This is a great opportunity to use the role of daddy to set rules on the kind of talk and treatment your middle should be using with herself. Everyone deserves to be treated respectfully, even ourselves.

 

You should be hurt by her talk, since she's mistreating herself, and she's someone you care for.

 

This is actually a basic everyday form of self-help cognitive therapy.

[EmeraldFaye]

I once had someone stand me naked in front of a mirror and point out all of the things I didn't like and explain why. And then I was explained to why those things didn't look the same to them as they did to me.

 

Another random idea...

 

We hired someone to draw based on a description. I stood in an adjoining room in front of a mirror out of the artists view. I described myself and they drew based off of my description. Then I had a stranger describe me and they drew that. Then I had a loved one gice the description and I had to look at all 3 next to one another. It gave me perspective on how I am much more harsh on myself and how I focus so much on things other people may never even notice or may see as positive physical qualities.

 

I have also been diagnosed with BDD so maybe thats something to research and look into?

[Guest Jennyanydots]

I admire everyone for encouraging you to tell your little how wonderful she looks to you, but when you have a voice in your head constantly telling you that you aren't good enough, it won't matter how much someone else loves the way you look. Not that it isn't important for her to know you love the way she looks. But you need to find OTHER ways to encourage her as well. To let her know that SHE has power. I just answered another thread asking about the role of clothing and it seems aplicable here. Changing your clothing, hair, makeup, etc. to fit your mood can be incredibly empowering. I have struggled with border-line body dysmorphia and can say that focusing on the things I CAN change has been a life changer. I can't change my face or the damage time and termoil have done to my body, but I can change my dress, do my hair a different way, put on makeup that reflects what's going on, and I start to feel pretty ok. I'm not saying that will necessarily be a solution for your little. You'll have to help guide her to what will work for her. Talk together. Listen to her with an ear for what she is really needing - and she may not know herself, the subconscious is a funny thing. Maybe she needs you to set rules, so that it becomes not about the way she looks, but whether or not she can follow the rules you set. As someone above said, it can be better to make Daddy happy than to look like your own ideal. Or maybe there's a better way to take her focus off of what she's been given. And it also helps me to remember, at least to my own mind, I am more than my body and I choose to believe that part of me will continue on. This body is only temporary and it's what I'm using to get around on this planet for a while. It doesn't define me. I can be defined by what I do and what I chose to make myself look like.

[Boreas74]

Well, each person is different, but in general is necessary to go out of the own comfort zone to improve the body image. In this TEDx video, Michelle Wallen, tell her experience about it. 

[chaos]

For me I'm a little and I sturggle with this so what I started doing is for every negative thing I had to say I had to also come up with a positive. And I slowly started to focus on the positives. Just stick by her tell her she's beautiful point out the postivies but not just in appearance like your very kind your eyes a really pretty small things do wonders. Make sure she eats.healthy but don't over load with everything at once.

[Asmariea]

I have this same problem. My Daddy has me look in the mirror every night and say to myself "I am Beautiful" 10 times. He said I can stop when I believe myself. He also reminds me that I am a pretty pretty princess every day. Its really starting to help.

[Guest WolframSRC]

Hi there,

I'm new to this, so bear that in mind when you read my advice.

Like most people suggested, it isn't so much you that needs to convince, but herself. Let her tell you what she likes about her body and make her repeat that on a daily basis. Focus your attention and care on the parts of here body she doesn't like and help here improve those or see them in a different light.

A random idea:

Take here shopping and help her find clothes and accessories, that make her feel cute/pretty/good about herself. Make her laugh and feel loved. Take a some pictures and everytime she criticizes her body, show her one of the pictures and tell her how beautifull she is. 

 

Of course there are no quick fixes. You are fighting an uphill struggle and need to be patient, but you could get some help. I'm sure her friends would want to help her as well.

[WickedJax]

When it comes to this sort of thing I think acts are stronger then words. Kiss her, and hold her, and tease her a lot. All the time. Make sure she knows that you want her body. The thing is when you have those problems anyone who you know who tells you you're beautiful just seems like they're trying to be nice, but when you show her how beautiful she is, with your body language rather than your words, that really can means something special.

[Breedaddy]

Having dealt with this before I can recommend picking details to focus attention on. Smile,eyes,dimples etc. When she starts to see these wonderful beautiful things about herself that you see, the self loathing slowly begins to diminish. Like others have said it's a long uphill battle but always worth fighting. There's going to be plenty of stumbles and bad days but keep at it.

[Gregisthedaddy]

I have a middle with little tendencies. She's truly amazing, and I love everything about her. But she has a very, very poor body concept. So much that it worries me heavily. She's always bashing on how she looks. I really need some help on this, I want to help her but I don't know how.

She has a clinical condition. Get her to see her primary doctor and then they will refer her to a specialist. This sort of condition needs professional help in addition to encouragement, love, and understanding. 

[Gregisthedaddy]

There is nothing wrong with getting therapy.

[Little_j. Nelly]

All you can do is let her know jus how much u care about her. Most times if persons tell her negative things about hetself she will start to believe it(i find it easier to believe negative things than positive).Jus let her know that your always their for her when she wants to talk. You could get her to write down what she hates and why and then u could talk to her about it

[Dad'saCookin]

Everyone on here seems to be on point. You cant change how she sees herself overnight but if you keep telling her what you see as beauty then she will start thinking it. Also focus on other things that she is amazing at. Self confidence in other areas tend to spill over to self image, Just show that you support her. Nothing happens overnight but hopefully this will be some help to you and her. 

[BunnyBabe]

She has a clinical condition. Get her to see her primary doctor and then they will refer her to a specialist. This sort of condition needs professional help in addition to encouragement, love, and understanding.

Greg, don't make claims about someone you don't know-are you a licensed medical professional able to diagnose conswnting patients? If not, dont. Allow those in the relationship who know them best to make that decision. I assume you don't know this little, so provide support and validation, don't diagnose if you don't know how.

 

To original poster: body issues are rampant and ever intruding, esp with girls. It really fucking sucks. Your concerns for her are valid, and I believe with time and care you two will work through it and become stronger because of it, best of luck.

[sirenaophelia]

I struggle with this every single day.. Daddy has helped build my confidence and self assurance and everything up.. Way up.

 

I still have times where I feel ugly or too fat but he's always quick "I'm proud of you babygirl, you're beautiful as you are and just think of all you've accomplished" ... not verbatim but to that extent. He's always reassuring. It really helps me so much. It fights the voice in my head telling me to starve, telling me to purge, telling me to restrict... (I have an untreated ED, EDNOS/OSFED) ...

 

He's always there making me feel like a normal, beautiful, wonderful woman. I cry sometimes because of my poor body image but he's quick to wipe the tears and reassure and hold me.

 

All you can do is support her. Love her. Care for her. Let her know how deeply you feel for her. Tell her she's beautiful, sexy, cute... With true feeling...

 

Help her by changing your eating habits, you know? Maybe doing something like walking together...? A little exercise is better than none. Take her swimming. It's a vigorous low impact workout, it will burn inches and calories...

 

Just take her obsession of it away. As she throws it out, deflect it and return to her with positivism ... something that will make her smile, her heart flutter. Us littles... we look up to our CG's for guidance, reassurance and more... not that we're completely dependent on you but that we slightly are... Love her with the truest parts of your mind and soul and body..