Daddy has a chronic illness.

[Ikneelonly4Daddy]

Hi.

My Daddy and I are in a LDR. I’m in the USA and he’s in Australia, so the 17.5 hour time difference creates some challenges for us. (As you can well imagine.)

 

Daddy has multiple sclerosis and one of the symptoms is fatigue. He sometimes has to sleep for hours and hours and it’s all he can do to just take a shower and heat up some dinner. He sometimes can’t work. I know he’s scared, frustrated and sad sometimes. When he does have a day when he can stay awake, he has to use that time to clean, do laundry and go get groceries. (He also needs some time to just relax and do fun things for himself.) Unfortunately the effort spent on those days doing chores contributes to his fatigue. It’s a vicious circle. It’s hard to sit back and watch him struggle. I wish so much that I could help him.

 

(Before I get to my question I want to make sure everyone knows that yes he has a health care team, yes he takes medication, vitamins, supplements. He’s a New Zealand citizen so he doesn’t have all of the disability benefits available to Australian citizens. He doesn’t have anyone there to help him except for his daughter and that’s hit or miss. He will eventually move back to NZ but not yet.)

 

Our DD/lg dynamic has to be modified to take all of these things into account. He just doesn’t have the spoons to engage in tge way that we would like. We’ve been in a relationship for three and a half years and we’ve talked about what we want. We have been able to put a few things into place. He picks out my work clothes, nail polish colors and which stuffed animal friends I sleep with. I check in about taking my meds and my bedtime routine. I tell him when I’m leaving to/from work each day. He wants me to write down what I eat to help me manage my diabetes and stomach issues. I take pictures of my meals because I like showing him that I’m eating better. He didn’t ask me to do that. I send him calendar invites so he sees when I have doctor appointments.

 

Now that I’ve typed all of that out, I realize that we have a lot of rules and tasks in place.

 

What we would like is to put more structure in place along with some other rules/tasks/challenges/homework/fun/discipline, etc. When we get to Skype mostly what we do is catch up and spend some time hanging out. There just isn’t a lot of time for us to do much else.

 

I’m looking for ideas on how to set up more structure - something more formal. I can only do so much from my end. I don’t want to overwhelm him or make him more tired or make it harder for him to think. (Brain fog is a challenge too.) I think that the DD/ lg dynamic brings us closer and is very fulfilling for us both. I want to be able to organize something but I can’t do it by myself. It requires his input. I would like for him to come to me with something organized. “This is what I want. Here’s how you/we’ll do it.” - that type of thing. He can’t though so I need to come up with something.

 

I’m looking for ideas and I’d love to hear about anyone else’s experience.

 

I need to brainstorm, but I just don’t know where to begin

[zanderandspike]

what about a mandatory CG/l time each weak, or maybe a strict bed time

[Ikneelonly4Daddy]

Saturday nights are date nights. A strict bedtime is a good idea!

[Ebony Fruit Bat]

What about video chatting or you sending special mini videos of putting up chores you accomplished. Keep them short so he can watch them on tired days too.

 

Have a really basic chart with chores or whatever you need. Keep it strictly to task ( brush teeth, eat,) and times (3 stars for task that get completed 3x's). Special days of the week can be listed, your date night for example. So he can maybe ask for the video or picture. On better days he can maybe ask you for a long video or put in an extra task for you.

 

If you and your Daddy already know what you need you can write those for him and let him determine how many times a day or if the task deserves a special day dedicated to it.

[Penny_June]

There are apps you can use to keep track of tasks he wants you to complete, which are great when you are separated by time zones, and he can keep track of them, and how often/well you keep to them. You can be as vague or as detailed as you like.

 

We are using HabitShare, which is free, but there is a bdsm one as well if your devices support it. (https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.obedience&hl=en)

 

You could keep on online journal with all of your thoughts, and give your Daddy access to it for him to read whenever he likes.

[Ikneelonly4Daddy]

What about video chatting or you sending special mini videos of putting up chores you accomplished. Keep them short so he can watch them on tired days too.

 

Have a really basic chart with chores or whatever you need. Keep it strictly to task ( brush teeth, eat,) and times (3 stars for task that get completed 3x's). Special days of the week can be listed, your date night for example. So he can maybe ask for the video or picture. On better days he can maybe ask you for a long video or put in an extra task for you.

 

If you and your Daddy already know what you need you can write those for him and let him determine how many times a day or if the task deserves a special day dedicated to it.

I love the idea of taking videos that he can watch! I think he would love it!

[Ikneelonly4Daddy]

There are apps you can use to keep track of tasks he wants you to complete, which are great when you are separated by time zones, and he can keep track of them, and how often/well you keep to them. You can be as vague or as detailed as you like.

 

We are using HabitShare, which is free, but there is a bdsm one as well if your devices support it. (https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.obedience&hl=en)

 

You could keep on online journal with all of your thoughts, and give your Daddy access to it for him to read whenever he likes.

The BDSM one is awesome! It looks like they’ll be working on an iOS version soon! We’re trying out Habitica too

[Ikneelonly4Daddy]

Thanks everyone for your responses. I love your ideas and I feel validated.

[Little_Butterfly]

I think you have a good relationship set up and so lovely that you are working on making this adjustment.

Recorded videos to send are good. Watching a movie together that he chooses. Online games like Words with friends.

 

My late husband had a neurodegenerative disease for 7 years before he passed. You might find you need some back up options for times that he is extra unwell or tired, or having difficulty using phone or computer. If you want to send me a friend request, I can pm you with some ideas for this.