Little in a big world....help

[Serenebabygirl]

If this is the wrong spot I'm sorry!

 

I am new to the ddlg life. Well new as in I've been with my Daddy for almost a year now (next month) but as a first time in a little role and being older (42) I'm having a bad time juggling.

 

I have 3 daughters 16, 18,and 23. A single mom most of their lives and sole support. I was a restaurant manager with excellent customer service skills. A customer service voice that could be it's own phone sex line. I was killing it as a single mom or so I thought. Then I realized I was a LG and while researching I found my Daddy. The girls have all been very understanding. The youngest is dealing with gender confusion and feels asexual so nothing they cant handle.

 

Living with Daddy and being in little mode all the time I am having huge difficulty transitioning to adult life. My customer service voice change to baby's voice and lost that. So trying to sound professional, I sound like a child. Going to work, the store, a walk. I feel like I'm constantly exposed and being judged. Anything that has to do with leaving Daddy and I'm on the verge of tears before I even leave. Full blown panic attacks when I'm out alone. Doesn't matter if it is with any of my family or friends though it is manageable. Without Daddy I'm lost. Daddy works from home m-f and cant leave until 6 daily. So shopping and errands often fall on me since it's a 30 minute commute and I worked in town.

 

I have since quit my job as the panic attacks have become so severe I'm crying and breaking down on the job. I can't afford to not work. I need my time alone and work or in the car, that is the only time I get it.

 

I'm afraid to see a therapist as I don't want to be medicated. I just want to function. The shift in and out of little space is almost too traumatic. How can I cope and function? Any advice would be great! TIA....

[Lola Step]

Firstly therapy is a fantastic idea, any kind of reaching out for medical advice is to be commended. Seems like what you might benefit from is putting together a sort of decompression routine for entering/exiting little space. Figure out a simple trigger that can span most age brackets then put them in chronological order depending on whether you're entering/exiting little space. For example music- if you were looking to enter little space your playlist should start with music you listen to when you're 'big' followed by some music you listened to when you were a teenager then ending with Disney songs or whatever music you love when you're "little". To exit little space simply reverse the playlist. it's a bit of a long shot, but definitely worth trying as music is usually pretty linked to emotion etc;

[LittleTeacup]

I'm so sorry being little seems to be interfering with your life. It should add, not detract.

 

Maybe it's just that you've spent so long being responsible and in charge, that as soon as you got this taste of letting it go, you're having trouble balancing it. Lots of littles do have jobs and take care of important things in an adult matter, and in fact it's healthy to do so. For example, I might be speaking to myself in a high pitched "little" voice, but if I suddenly have to answer the phone I can switch back to my "normal" adult voice.

 

You say you fear being judged as you walk around in public. In reality, most people are so self-absorbed they probably don't even notice you. Do you judge others walking down the street? If not, remember they're not any different. I do all sorts of things in public, like crouching down to rescue ladybugs or picking berries. Most of the time, people ignore me. Or they ask what I'm doing and I answer nonchalantly, like what I'm doing is perfectly normal.

 

I'd advise first to talk with your Daddy about it. He should know your difficulty switching between little and big you is distressing. Maybe there's something he can do to help, like asking you to be his "big girl" sometimes or deciding to only do little things with you in the evenings or on the weekends. You should not be in little space 24/7.

 

And, as much as you might be uncomfortable about it, seeing a therapist might be a good idea. Only psychiatrists can prescribe medicine, so look for one without that certification. And you always have the right to deny medication. Just go in there and say right off the bat: "I wish to discuss my concerns, but I'm not willing to go on medicine. If you try to push it on me, I will find a new therapist." I've been seeing someone for over a year for anxiety and she did not push medicine on me. She'd mention it sometimes to remind me I had the option, but always respected my decision to say no. And when I did finally decide to try it, she referred me to a psychiatrist who only prescribed the lowest dose. Do not stay with doctors who do not respect your personal medical decisions.

 

I wish you well and that you can get this worked out and be able to return to work.

[Serenebabygirl]

The fear of judgement comes from living in the same small town for 25 years and everyone knowing everyone's business. We all judge, I'm no better. Its small town things in a very rural area. Sure I didn't know my Daddy a year ago but our kids were friends for years. So me acting different around people has already been noticed and asked about.

 

I discuss everything with Daddy. He knows that I have no desire to adult and in reality doesnt want me to. He would prefer if I could just stay home safe all the time but knows I need more. He is the one who suggested I talk to others and see if anyone else had experienced this or had advice.

 

I have been trying some things I'm picking up on the site. One of the biggest things that helped yesterday before going grocery shopping was doing my hair and makeup while listening to adultier music. As baby it's clean faced and ponytails. Adult was straightened fancy hair and makeup. Not sure if I will have the drive to do this every time so still looking for other coping methods.

[Guest]

Little Teacup said most of what I wanted to say in reply to you. I agree that your anxiety problem could stem from finally getting a break. You've been responsible for your girls since you were 19. An invisible guard goes up to protect them and be responsible in a way you don't even notice on a conscious level. Being introduced to a situation/person willing to take some of your burden away from you is likely the trigger.

 

Listening to the music is a good practice. Only do what is reasonable and that which you can maintain. Perhaps skip the full make up and hair. Put your hair in a ponytail or bun, something that you think represents grown up mode. Toss on some lip gloss and be done. You already have anxiety don't make going out a physical chore in addition to the mental one you're trying to manage. I don't wear make up, adult task can be done without it.

 

Change your thinking of adult task to little (pretend) grown up chores. Take a list to check off what you need to get done. Have a mini mental party party. Heck, give yourself a sticker when your done or whatever you like. Keep some stickers in the car when you finish your task stick it to your steering wheel and leave it (if it doesn't fall off in the heat). Basic stuff, use your car to decompress.

 

Being in a small community can suck. People notice the smallest things stupidest things and usually only speak on them because what you do takes them outside their own comfort zones. This includes them relying on your consistency in looks, actions, and way of speaking, dressing. That's way too much control to give to random people just to keep them in their comfort zone. Tell them/yourself you're practicing not giving a f*ck in preparation for your unruly 80's. lol or a less confrontational response and is reminding yourself " I am owning my own happiness and not hurting anyone by doing it".