Asking for lighter punishment?

[Daddys little Baby_Bear]

A while back I had asked my daddy to go harder on punishments, I've since realized I asked for that because I felt like I deserved to be punished for things he wouldn't punish me for (ex. Talking to much, being a little late to a call, having panic attacks all the time, other stupid things I now realize didn't deserve punishment).

 

Now all that it has done is make me get more upset at myself because I feel like I'm being very bad when I'm not. I want to ask for lighter punishments again but don't really know how. I feel like if I do ask it'll seem like I'm just trying to get off easy (even though I know he won't think of it like that, my anxiety says he will).

 

What should I do? How do I ask?

[Little kaiya]

I'll say it again and will keep saying it, Communicate, Communicate, Communicate.

 

Step back out of the DDlg dynamic and have an adult conversation. As two adults, which is what you both are, you need to be able to communicate about any and EVERY issue if you want to have a healthy relationship.

 

Yes, if you approach your partner as a little and say the punishment is too much then your partner may see it as trying to get off easier. On the other hand if you approach your partner as an adult, explain the issue and tell them you need to find a solution they should listen and respect you feelings on the issue.

 

Folks, having adult conversations with your partner isn't a bad thing, it isn't a sign you arent a DDlg couple or whatever other worry you may have that keeps you from having those conversations. If you can't have adult discussions with your partner that, in my opinion at least, is a sign imof a serious relationship issue.

 

Little kaiya

[Quirkygrl16]

I went through the same thing awhile back. Please please just talk to him. Even if you have to write a letter saying you want to talk about xyz. Then get together and talk about it

[BlackRose13]

A while back I had asked my daddy to go harder on punishments, I've since realized I asked for that because I felt like I deserved to be punished for things he wouldn't punish me for (ex. Talking to much, being a little late to a call, having panic attacks all the time, other stupid things I now realize didn't deserve punishment).

 

Now all that it has done is make me get more upset at myself because I feel like I'm being very bad when I'm not. I want to ask for lighter punishments again but don't really know how. I feel like if I do ask it'll seem like I'm just trying to get off easy (even though I know he won't think of it like that, my anxiety says he will).

 

What should I do? How do I ask?

First of all let me tell you if you have panic attacks and they are getting worse please consider getting professional help (I am the same atm)

 

Secondly just be honest on how you feel, I know what its like to have social anxiety but I also do strongly believe that you should be honest in a relationship and have no secrets from each other and there should be no judgement. So talk to him and tell him you dont want to be judged as you wont judge him either. I am sure he'll understand.

[DaddyDom3238]

Please talk to him, I emphasize with every little/sub I have ever had if they don't feel comfortable coming to me with any concerns, frustrations, or feelings that they are having then our relationship just will not work. Trust is the number one and if they cannot trust me to react properly and address their concerns with them then I have done something wrong as their daddy/dom. You should feel safe and comfortable always and that includes every aspect of your relationship. Talk to him and just let him know what your limits are, you have every right to change what you want and what you are comfortable with. That is completely normal as you grow and change together. 

[Guest Looby-Lou]

... if they cannot trust me to react properly and address their concerns with them then I have done something wrong as their daddy/dom. 

 

Please don't feel that.

Sometimes we KNOW in our hearts that someone truly wants the best for us, but the little demons in our head (pun intended) make it hard for us to speak up. Often we are harder on ourselves than anyone else could ever be.

If you're a loving caring responsible DD then it's NOT your fault if your little struggles to speak up sometimes.

I just wanted to say that to anyone who is in the "caregiver" role (whatever your title).

 

Looby 

[Guest Looby-Lou]

 I feel like if I do ask it'll seem like I'm just trying to get off easy (even though I know he won't think of it like that, my anxiety says he will).

 

What should I do? How do I ask?

You know the answer already. It's just hard to do it, and I sympathise. You've very eloquently described the situation in your post, so if you can't vocalise, then maybe show him what you've written?

You've already identified that your Daddy is NOT the problem. Your anxiety is. Don't let it win!

 

Looby 

[PapisBabygirl]

Tell him exactly what you just told us.

[dollybabycakes]

The replies above me have said just what I was thinking. Communicate with him. Any relationship requires communication. Especially ones like these. Tell him exactly what you told us. Being open and honest does wonders! As someone who worries a lot, is extremely anxious and has panic attacks, I know exactly how hard it can be to tell people how you feel. It can be scary. But you have to try really hard to put that fear in the back of your mind and just talk to him. Having an adult conversation about your dynamic is healthy. It's important that you both know what the other needs and feels. Good luck. I'm sure it'll go absolutely fine! 

[Guest countlieberkuhn]

Agreed with everyone above.  It's not like your Daddy's always been overly-domineering, if you had to ask him to punish you over smaller things.  That to me seems like he's pretty relaxed and has stepped up the punishments for your benefit, and not his.  As such, I think he'd be pretty chill about toning it down to how it was previously.  There's no shame in changing your mind about this, but if you don't communicate this to him then he will carry on as he does currently. 

Deal with this as soon as possible, because not only is it bad for your mental health, but it's also unfair on him.  I know if it were me, and I'd found out later that what I'd been doing had been causing my little a lot of sadness and trauma then I would feel terrible, and a bit hurt that you didn't trust me enough to say so sooner.

That being said, I don't think asking for punishments over panic attacks was a good idea in the first place.  Panic attacks are involuntary and unpleasant, you don't need to double down on that.  A much better approach would be to get punishments for not doing things that help you avoid/deal with panic attacks, especially professional advice.

I'm sure it will go well though, so just do it in whatever way is easiest for you.  It's the message that matters, not how he receives it.

[LittleTeacup]

I agree with everyone else. You won't seem "wishy-washy" because you changed your mind. You had a thought, you tried it, you now realize it wasn't the best idea, and now you want to return to how it was before. No shame in that. Your daddy will understand and be glad you told him.