Punishments?

[cutxprincxss]

I am a little, my Daddy ignores me as a punishment and he knows it really upsets me.

So today he ignored me for 3 hours and he told me to not talk to anyone else because since I'm being punished I shouldn't be talking to anyone else. I told him that I don't trust myself alone because of my depression and anxiety. Any advices?

[Guest countlieberkuhn]

I think that many people here would consider that sort of punishment to be neglect, especially as you suffer from depression and anxiety, and have told him this.  A punishment in DDLG shouldn't ever put the little beyond their boundaries of comfort, both physically and mentally.  This sounds like a significant problem in his approach to the dynamic, especially as you have spoken to him about it.

You need to try to talk to him and discuss as adults what you think is an acceptable form of punishment for you, if you want them at all.  A Caregiver's job is to try and nurture his little, and protect her from the bad things like anxiety as much as possible.  Make sure he knows this, and don't back down on the issue.  

[Guest countlieberkuhn]

To further elaborate on this, he doesn't allow you to talk to other people?  Isolation is a big no-no as a punishment.  People are social beings, and as such need social interaction, especially when vulnerable.  Weirdly, this tactic is not only used in prisons (usually to keep violent people away from other inmates admittedly), but also schools.  There was an article a couple of months back about a school here in the UK that did that, and it REALLY messed them up, ruining their confidence and causing anxiety.  This was teachers failing a student in a fundamental way.  Your Daddy may be in a position of power in the relationship, but you're not in a school.  You're an adult in control of your own life, which means that giving up that power to someone else so that they may look after you is a gift, and one that should only be given as long they honour it.

Edit: For some reason the end of the text got cut off.  Internet's a bit funky today,.

Edited June 30, 2019 by countlieberkuhn

[Alaskan Daddy]

in my opinion your daddy should not be using your struggles against you as punishments. It would be like putting you a dark room knowing you are mortified of the dark. There again in my opinion it comes down to emotional abuse. Your daddy is here to help you with your struggles not make them worse.

I think you need to put your foot down if he should use your struggles against you and refuse to do it.

I wish you the best of luck

[yxchae]

i really don't think that isolation/being ignored is a suitable punishment. but regardless of that, if you're not happy with this 'punishment' (or any punishment tbh), you need to communicate that with your daddy. punishments should be something that is agreed on together, largely to prevent punishments that might actually harm you (like this one). 

 

if you need to speak to people because of your anxiety/depression, even though your daddy has given you this 'punishment', don't stop yourself from reaching out. your mental health always comes first, no matter the situation.  

[Guest Looby-Lou]

Ignoring someone and deliberately trying to isolate them from family/friends/other people is a well known form of manipulation and negative control. Often a precursor to serious abuse.

From what you've said, it seems that at best your Daddy is being unintentionally unfair and neglectful to you. At worse, he is (even unknowingly) being abusive.

If you think it's sensible to try and sort this out with him, then talk to HIM. As an adult. If you're concerned for your well being or safety with him, please talk to SOMEONE ELSE who you can trust. 

Please be careful.

Looby

[Guest Daddy-Tom]

That's shitty and manipulative. Isolation is the first major tactic used to break someone down and render them helpless and compliant. Huge red flag

[cutxprincxss]

To further elaborate on this, he doesn't allow you to talk to other people? Isolation is a big no-no as a punishment. People are social beings, and as such need social interaction, especially when vulnerable. Weirdly, this tactic is not only used in prisons (usually to keep violent people away from other inmates admittedly), but also schools. There was an article a couple of months back about a school here in the UK that did that, and it REALLY messed them up, ruining their confidence and causing anxiety. This was teachers failing a student in a fundamental way. Your Daddy may be in a position of power in the relationship, but you're not in a school. You're an adult in control of your own life, which means that giving up that power to someone else so that they may look after you is a gift, and one that should only be given as long they honour it.

 

Edit: For some reason the end of the text got cut off. Internet's a bit funky today,.

I Told him so many times, but he always says that he is the Daddy and he makes the rules Edited July 4, 2019 by cutxprincxss

[cutxprincxss]

Ignoring someone and deliberately trying to isolate them from family/friends/other people is a well known form of manipulation and negative control. Often a precursor to serious abuse.

From what you've said, it seems that at best your Daddy is being unintentionally unfair and neglectful to you. At worse, he is (even unknowingly) being abusive.

If you think it's sensible to try and sort this out with him, then talk to HIM. As an adult. If you're concerned for your well being or safety with him, please talk to SOMEONE ELSE who you can trust.

Please be careful.

Looby

I tried but he never listen to me, he says I shouldn't complain

[neko]

This sounds like the first step towards a possibly abusive/manipulative relationship and I urge you to talk to someone you are close to about your relationship. maybe they can help

[Little kaiya]

You posted the quoted message below in January,

 

"My Daddy has problems anger issues, and when he gets angry for something he tells me that I am a total disappointment and he insults me. He can't punish me for some reasons. I love him so much, but in these cases I acc don't know what to do? Any advices?

Ours is a distance relationship"

 

You are being insulted, degraded because he has anger issues, and now being ignored and isolated. I will note, it is odd you said in January that he doesn't punish you and now this but I guess maybe he changed. You can see a clear pattern over the past 6 months and it isn't good.

 

Either way, in both your last thread and this one people have pointed out he is being abusive. Abusive people in my experience don't change.

 

Being a Daddy does not make being abusive ok, in fact in my eyes it makes it worse. Based on what you've written it is clear and obvious he does NOT love you. Get out. Get help. And get away from him. The good news is because it is a distance relationship he can't physically try to stop you from leaving him or harm you physically in person.

 

Little kaiya

[cutxprincxss]

You posted the quoted message below in January,

 

"My Daddy has problems anger issues, and when he gets angry for something he tells me that I am a total disappointment and he insults me. He can't punish me for some reasons. I love him so much, but in these cases I acc don't know what to do? Any advices?

Ours is a distance relationship"

 

You are being insulted, degraded because he has anger issues, and now being ignored and isolated. I will note, it is odd you said in January that he doesn't punish you and now this but I guess maybe he changed. You can see a clear pattern over the past 6 months and it isn't good.

 

Either way, in both your last thread and this one people have pointed out he is being abusive. Abusive people in my experience don't change.

 

Being a Daddy does not make being abusive ok, in fact in my eyes it makes it worse. Based on what you've written it is clear and obvious he does NOT love you. Get out. Get help. And get away from him. The good news is because it is a distance relationship he can't physically try to stop you from leaving him or harm you physically in person.

 

Little kaiya

he changed a lot, he doesn't insult no more and 3 months ago he introduced the first punishments, which were fine; for example no sweets for a day or early bedtime. The fact is, I love him so much! He thought they weren't enough and he started changing them in ignoring me. He treats me like a princess, he's always there when I'm in littlespace and never leaves. I'm sometimes a brat, but I don't deserve being ignored.

[Guest countlieberkuhn]

Why did he not think the no sweets / early bedtime punishments were enough?  Did you repeat the behaviour that made him introduce them in the first place?

[korilakkuma]

Big NOPE.

Ignoring is the worst imo

Like it will just mess a person up more rather than help.

There's other punishments... Why can't he just use those?

Like lines, my Daddy gives me lots of lines. Or writing on my body. Or doing tasks (sometimes embarrassing) and sending proof that I did it.

[cutxprincxss]

Why did he not think the no sweets / early bedtime punishments were enough? Did you repeat the behaviour that made him introduce them in the first place?

he thought I needed more serious punishments, he hated and still hates when I refuse to not do some of his orders, but it ends up with me doing them. I might be a brat but I don't deserve all this psychological pain that he is causing me

[Little kaiya]

You say that you love him so much, ok, but the question is does he love you? Causing someone you love physical pain because they enjoy it is one thing, causing them psychological pain they dont enjoy is another.

 

I stand by my previous post, you are being abused and you can make excuses for him but it doesn't change what is happening. I'm not saying leaving a partner is easy but why would you let someone abuse you . . . . ?

 

Little kaiya

[cutxprincxss]

You say that you love him so much, ok, but the question is does he love you? Causing someone you love physical pain because they enjoy it is one thing, causing them psychological pain they dont enjoy is another.

 

I stand by my previous post, you are being abused and you can make excuses for him but it doesn't change what is happening. I'm not saying leaving a partner is easy but why would you let someone abuse you . . . . ?

 

Little kaiya

because after all he doesn't just abuse me, he does lots of good things... I love my Daddy, he is all I have

[Little kaiya]

Doing good things sometimes doesnt excuse inflicting psychological pain, isolating someone, insulting them and degrading them. There is no excuse for abuse and very often abusers make their victims feel like the only the person the victim has is the abuser. The fact you say, "he doesn't JUST abuse me" means you know he IS abusing you. The only proper amount of ABUSE in a relationship is zero.

 

Ultimately, it's your relationship, your life and your decision but the last thing I'll say before leaving this thread is a partner, a lover, someone who cares and just in general a decent human being wouldnt do what you described. The behaviour you described is that of a manipulative abuser who belongs in jail.

 

Little kaiya

Edited July 4, 2019 by Little kaiya

[Guest countlieberkuhn]

The behaviour you described is that of a manipulative abuser who belongs in jail.

Some pretty strong words there considering we don't know a huge amount about the guy.  We're hearing a lot about the bad stuff but not a huge amount about the good stuff from him.  He can't be all bad.

 

because after all he doesn't just abuse me, he does lots of good things... I love my Daddy, he is all I have

 

That being said, saying "He's all I have" does suggest that you'll be more forgiving of his actions than most, as you're fearful of a life alone, for however long that could be.  I don't know you or him personally so it's hard to comment with any degree of certainty, but you need to be sure that you love him (his personality, the way he treats you, etc) and not what he represents (a buffer between you and loneliness).

[cutxprincxss]

Some pretty strong words there considering we don't know a huge amount about the guy. We're hearing a lot about the bad stuff but not a huge amount about the good stuff from him. He can't be all bad.

 

 

That being said, saying "He's all I have" does suggest that you'll be more forgiving of his actions than most, as you're fearful of a life alone, for however long that could be. I don't know you or him personally so it's hard to comment with any degree of certainty, but you need to be sure that you love him (his personality, the way he treats you, etc) and not what he represents (a buffer between you and loneliness).

I didn't mean that, I actually do love him and would do anything for him, I meant it like he is all I have and all I want, we have been together for a year and can't remember how many months, I'm sure about my feelings. I thank him for every good thing that he does and all he does for me, he dedicates his life and he tries his best, I think that is mostly why he can't accept me as a brat, because of all the effort he puts in.

I am always sorry for how I behave, but that does not justify him ignoring me and destroy my mental health. I gave up to almost my whole life to make him happy too.

[Guest countlieberkuhn]

Well it's good that you seem to have a pretty strong stance on being treated in ways that negatively impact your mental health.  You need to communicate that to him clearly so that he is on the same page as you!

[Guest Daddy-Tom]

because after all he doesn't just abuse me, he does lots of good things... I love my Daddy, he is all I have

Your own words, he doesn't *just* abuse you. So even you understand and admit that he abuses you. This is wrong and you deserve better

[LittleTeacup]

I Told him so many times, but he always says that he is the Daddy and he makes the rules

 

Ok, so, if you used your safeword what would he do? You have to agree to give him power over you. Being your daddy doesn't automatically give him the right to do literally anything to you. The two of you should optimally decide on rules and punishments together.

 

Next time it happens, use your safeword. If he doesn't stop the play and check to make sure you're all right, take your safety into your own hands and talk to other people anyway. If he gets angry, tell him you safeworded and ended the punishment. No one should ignore their partner's safeword use so hopefully that gets his attention. If not, consider what that means about him. Stay safe!

[cutxprincxss]

We now sort the punishments out, we got new ones like writing lines and no stuffies for an hour etc...

Thank you all for giving advices! I found the courage to talk to him about it

[Guest countlieberkuhn]

We now sort the punishments out, we got new ones like writing lines and no stuffies for an hour etc...

Thank you all for giving advices! I found the courage to talk to him about it

 

I hope things work out for you!  Stay strong