New to DDlg with uninterested husband

[BashfulAshful]

Husband and i have been married for 10 years, together for 15 (HS sweethearts). We’ve been in D/s for about a year (darker-side, rough, and aggressive), but i recently confided in Him that i’m a little (8 y/o). We have a young daughter, so at first He was staunchly against even researching the topic. He eventually entertained having conversations with me about it, but that’s really as far as it goes. i think my desires and needs trigger Him, in that He doesn’t feel adequate. He says that it’s just not for Him. While i understand that kink (all types) is very individual, i don’t know what to do. He’s said that if He can’t give me what i need then He’ll support whatever decision i come to. Our marriage has become stronger than it has ever been in this last year. I love Him and He’s come to mean so much more to me since we introduced kink to our lives.

 

But what do i do? Look for a CG outside of our marriage? Part of being in LittleSpace for me is having someone else nurture, hold, and comfort me (definitely stems from childhood trauma). How do i get what i’ve finally realized that i need if He can’t provide that to me?

[Metalheaddaddy]

Platonic CG/L relationships can and do exist but they require a lot of work, communication, and strict boundary keeping. If you're looking to get into the sexual nature of DDLG this might not work if you and your husband aren't poly.

 

If you're just looking for the caregiving it would be easier but still need to be super aware of those boundaires. There's a lot of bad daddies who will lie to you to get you to do something sexual.

Edited June 30, 2019 by Satnic Panic

[BashfulAshful]

We are not against poly at all. In fact, it’s a topic that’s routinely come up since we started D/s. Our big holdups are mainly having a young child and having a large Conservative family who won’t support those decisions. The family concern is mainly for our daughter’s wellbeing. And, finding a CG/DD who is open to having a poly relationship with an established married couple who are fairly new to the DDlg life in our area is like finding a needle in a haystack. Happy if it would happen, but it seems very unlikely.

[Lovingukdaddy]

Hello. I've counselled professionally and seen this happen so many times.the solutions are different. Some need counselling as a couple, some separately and sometimes a care giver is needed for the little to feel complete in this life and therefore in other lives too

[BashfulAshful]

As a professional counselor, what’s your advice for searching for a kink-friendly counselor in the states? We’ve both been threw years of therapy (individual and couples, complete with EMDR). Communication has become a very big part of our dynamic and we’re pretty good at it due to the all the therapy (haha). i honestly think it’s because of our therapy that He can do honestly say “do what you need to do” to me. The trust that we both have in each other is immense.

[Lovingukdaddy]

Message me. Privately as this is an in depth answer and I don't want anyone misunderstanding it, following a misunderstanding and causing further damage.

[FeistyLittle]

My husband is not interested in DDLG and we have discussed what it would look like for me to find a platonic CG. He just can't fill that role and my little side is 100% non sexual, as far as I know at this point. We have also talked about polyamory and what that would mean for us, but he doesn't like the idea of me being with another man in that way.

 

Feel free to pm me as well, I'm happy to chat!

[Guest Daddy-Tom]

Nothing wrong with having a secret caregiver if that's what you need to be happy. By secret I mean from your judging family, not your husband