Does being capable put Daddies off?

[Guest Looby-Lou]

isnt the whole point of ddlg and looking fora daddy to play those scenarios where you need a daddy?

 

im not entirely sure what you are expecting to find but i hope you do, i just dont see many daddy's out there who dont enjoy atleast to some degree being needed by their little

 

 

For me it's not about playing scenes. i AM little. it's real. it's who i am. 

is some of it playful? yes of course. But it still FEELS real to me.

Do i need help in life? yes. Do i manage without it (because it's not available)? yes

 

Little kaiya has expressed it very well (above) 

 

I don't even separate "little me" and "adult me" in the way that I've seen in some threads on here. I'm always both. Whichever one is appropriate for the situation I'm in, that's who I'll be.

And if I have a choice, then it will depend on how i feel at that moment - literally THAT MOMENT. It's so much "me" to be little that i can slip in & out from moment to moment - have an adult convo but still be little, or be doing something adult but still enjoy something magical in it that my littleness sees in it.

 

Thank you for being honest & kind. I think you and some others have read something into my posts that I didn't intend, so I apologise if I've been unclear. Seems some ppl think I'm too needy and others think I'm not needy enough LOL.

 

I'd like to think my profile & personal are clear about who i am and what r'ship i'm looking for, and I'm always honest in any of my forum posts so hopefully that also gives people some idea of who i am. But if i haven't been clear then that's a problem i need to address.

 

For me, this thread has become confused & is in danger of becoming repetitive - as i keep feeling the need to confirm that i AM needy but I'm also capable! But other people might be finding it useful, so I'll just step back from it and let it run however people want from now on.

 

Thanks to everyone who shared their thoughts, opinions & advice. Greatly appreciated 

 

All the best

Looby 

Edited June 30, 2019 by Looby-Lou

[Daddygennessey]

i think a balance is necessary for a good ddlg relationship, i personally need my little to be independent 

[Huggybear]

I don't even separate "little me" and "adult me" in the way that I've seen in some threads on here. I'm always both. Whichever one is appropriate for the situation I'm in, that's who I'll be.

And if I have a choice, then it will depend on how i feel at that moment - literally THAT MOMENT. It's so much "me" to be little that i can slip in & out from moment to moment - have an adult convo but still be little, or be doing something adult but still enjoy something magical in it that my littleness sees in it.

Reading this made me want to comment. I feel this is the epitomy of healthy thinking. I have always felt a tiny bit edgy when hearing or even reading the words "little space". I feel people are making a gap between big and little, when infact it should be a harmonic symbiosis. Big should always be present, looking after , staying safe, taking life seriously, and the Little is just waiting for his/her time to play. A CG/DD/MD is in a role to make those guilt free, safe moments of playtime happen as often as possible, or as often as the personalities involved wish for it. For me, I would be emotionally very burdened with a little who was incapable. It would make me feel needed, sure, and I love it just as much as the next daddy, but im just a man, and it would not be sustainable.

 

Its never wrong to be little, but its sometimes harmful to not be big.

[Guest Looby-Lou]

Reading this made me want to comment. I feel this is the epitomy of healthy thinking. I have always felt a tiny bit edgy when hearing or even reading the words "little space". I feel people are making a gap between big and little, when infact it should be a harmonic symbiosis. Big should always be present, looking after , staying safe, taking life seriously, and the Little is just waiting for his/her time to play. A CG/DD/MD is in a role to make those guilt free, safe moments of playtime happen as often as possible, or as often as the personalities involved wish for it. For me, I would be emotionally very burdened with a little who was incapable. It would make me feel needed, sure, and I love it just as much as the next daddy, but im just a man, and it would not be sustainable.

 

Its never wrong to be little, but its sometimes harmful to not be big.

 

Ok, I was going to stay away from this thread but now you've made me want to comment too LOL.

Thanks for your post & kind words. 

I use the expressions “little me” or “adult me” on the forums to try and provide clarity. But sometimes I’m not keen on them either as they imply two different me's.  i simply am little. And I am adult. Sometimes i show one and sometimes I don’t. For a lot of people “little space” is a useful & meaningful term; it's not one that i like myself. I’m pretty sure there’s other threads on that specific subject so I’ll stay away from it here.

 

But your comment ties in with the subject of this thread which is about being capable, so I'll respond to that.

Yesterday I was cleaning out the cats litter tray (adult head/boring job) and suddenly felt like i was playing in a sand pit (little head/fun activity). Both little & adult within the same moment in time. Totally spontaneously.

 

Today I had serious matters to deal with - helping a friend with a problem, and a driving lesson - which I dealt with in suitable manner. Then i had a meltdown over the stress of deciding which t-shirt to wear - the one i wanted to wear might not have been appropriate for today & it was stressing me to figure it out on my own.

All the time my adult & little personalities are there. Sometimes in harmony, sometimes in conflict. Sometimes 50/50, other times 20/80. It’s never static (for me).

 

Just like we all have parts of our personality that we use or show in different situations or with different people.

You (a generalised “you”) might have had a relaxing lunch break laughing with friends, come back to work still in “fun” mode, see a colleague you get on well with and are about to share a rude joke with him/her. Then your boss comes over with a serious question and immediately you switch into “work” mode, make a responsible reply to your boss, and shelve the rude joke for a more appropriate time. 

 

“Fun” you, “work” you…it’s all you. It’s not being hypocritical. It’s not pretending or role play. It’s not because you have a lack of true identity and can’t figure out who you are. It’s all genuinely YOU. And you’re using & showing whichever “you” is appropriate at the given time.

It’s about being “capable” of doing what’s required at the time, and being in the appropriate headspace to do it.

 

Sometimes it’s easier to switch heads/emotions than at other times. If you run into your boss at the cinema in the middle of a long weekend you might not snap immediately into work mode. 

When i’m totally immersed in something with my littleness it will take me a moment longer to switch on my adult thoughts. 

If you run into your boss at the weekend you might not even need to switch into work mode. Again, it's about what's appropriate. And being capable of doing what's appropriate.

 

There are different ways of being capable. And different ways of being needy. And they’re not always obvious.

 

Looby

Edited July 1, 2019 by Looby-Lou

[SparkyShark]

I really don't think a capable little should be a turn off at ALL.

 

I feel like the only people who would find that unattractive are those who might have serious gender role issues. the "a woman's place is behind her man" type. I mean, "to each their own" and all... but I'm personally not a fan of that.

 

A woman should be focused on bettering herself just as much as a man should be. the CGL relationship to me is a symbiotic relationship - and each party should be appreciated as such.

 

Regardless of the regression on the little side and the caregiver role of the dom side, they are both ultimately on equal footing, each providing for the needs of the other in their own way. There's no reason a little should be expected to be completely dependent, because the truth is the little does just as much for the dom as the dom does for the little... just in different ways.

Edited July 28, 2019 by SparkyShark

[AlexL]

Well, I know Im still young and lack the experience of many others here, but I feel like this is different for all of us.
 

Personally, I enjoy envolvement, and I find no issue in littles being capable, unless it gets to the point where it feels like they're excluding me from their lives.
That said, I think it's important to discuss the level of involvement that both parties want.

[SnuggleDaddy85]

Not at all. I have found confident women are often better at communicating needs and setting boundaries to keep the relationship fulfilling and happy. A dynamic develops where they can be more dependent littles or women and at other times a more independent partner and we can enjoy that. Am I conflating confidence with capable? They seems synonomous in this context.

[disney little]

i'm honestly so thankful for this post. I see a ton of littles that seem (to me) to be the little babies that all need daddies to function. Honestly, i worried too that i was to old and to much independent to be a little. It's sort of refeshing to see daddies out there that like capable littles as well as littles that are like me. Thank you all for posting this!!!

[prince eefy]

when i am in big person space, i tend to do lotsa things on my own like laundry or unloading the dish washer, taking care of the pets, basic chores around the house basically.

 

when i am tiny and fully regressed, i am a little dependent on him, a lot actually. but my daddy enjoys it and he enjoys taking care of me and doing things for me. he does things for me like fill up my sippy cup, watches cartoons with me, will make food for me on the stove (cause when m regressed i am too tiny to cook like that) and stuff like that. he also comforts me emotionally both in an out of tiny space.

 

i think as long as i can be a good and capable adult in big person space and show that i am capable of taking care of myself (unless like, im havin a rlly bad mental health day) i dont think my daddy minds that 'm a fairly dependent toddler.

[wideeyeddelights]

I cannot thank you enough for this thread - Looby and Little kaiya, your posts specifically really resonated.

 

I'm new to the DDlg world and very nervous about my identity as a little because I don't have a little age, I don't do little activities, I don't regress... and I do crave comfort but I feel frightened by the idea of a partnership that takes away my adult identity - plus, I don't like feeling needy or overly dependent (but that may be because no one has allowed me to be remotely close to dependent without shaming me). I keep thinking a Daddy won't want me because I don't want to be in a defined littlespace and because I won't want to drink out of sippy cups and follow rules like no swearing, bedtime, only Daddy knows what's best, etc. And I really really need to feel like I can be supportive of my partner as an adult. It is excruciating to be so vulnerable with someone but then then be shut off from their vulnerability and their life.

 

I thought I might not belong here. Thank you for sharing this and helping me feel more at ease.

Edited September 8, 2019 by wideeyeddelights

[fleur]

I'm mostly very capable in my everyday adult life, but i am still very vulnerable and needy (both adult & little).

 

 

So glad I found your post! 

I sometimes wonder the same, do I actually belong here.

I'm not all pink and fluffy. I'm mostly capable in life but still very needy and vulnerable!!! I want a partner, an alpha male but still want to be daddy's baby girl that needs a daddy who's loving and nurturing. Too much to ask? 

 

[Guest Looby-Lou]

... but I feel frightened by the idea of a partnership that takes away my adult identity ...

 

I thought I might not belong here. Thank you for sharing this and helping me feel more at ease.

 

 

This isn't exactly the same, but I had some possibly similar thoughts a while ago. I felt needy but was worried that if I let someone "help me" I'd lose the confidence and ability to do things for myself when I had to. 

 

And I think that can happen, if it's an unhealthy relationship where partner A needs partner B to be incapable - so that partner A can feel "bigger, better and stronger". (Which means that partner A is actually an insecure person!)

But in a healthy relationship, partner A will use his/her wisdom & skills to encourage partner B to grow. 

 

And lastly, you belong here as much as anyone else. There's no right or wrong way to be a little or CG. Just be yourself 

 

Looby 

[Guest Looby-Lou]

So glad I found your post! 

I sometimes wonder the same, do I actually belong here.

I'm not all pink and fluffy. I'm mostly capable in life but still very needy and vulnerable!!! I want a partner, an alpha male but still want to be daddy's baby girl that needs a daddy who's loving and nurturing. Too much to ask? 

 

 

Yes, you do belong here (see above post!)

 

And no, it's not too much to ask. Finally I met someone who totally gets it that I'm strong-minded & capable ... but vulnerable too and oh so very very needy of him. And he loves all these different parts of my personality.

And some of the lovely replies in this thread are from Daddies who "get it" that we can be capable littles who don't fall apart every time we sneeze but we still NEED a Daddy. 

 

Also you can use this time on your own to really figure out what you want from a relationship and what you can offer. 

i'd suggest you chat to lots of different people and try not to let it get you down. It can take a long time to meet someone compatible. So enjoy life, be happy, and be open to possibilities when they cross your path!

 

Looby 

Edited September 12, 2019 by Looby-Lou

[Tiger Striperino]

For me, DDLG is am escape from real life. If a little needs to be cared for 24/7 without a break, it just seems like they want someone to control their lives. I don't really care for that, but that's just me.