Does being capable put Daddies off?

[Guest Looby-Lou]

I'm mostly very capable in my everyday adult life, but i am still very vulnerable and needy (both adult & little).

 

I can look after everything myself, yes, but it's sooo tiring making all the decisions, big ones and even little ones like what to wear or what food to buy.

 

I rarely show my belly in public LOL...maybe I always seem capable. So I'm wondering - does that put Daddies off? When someone is "capable".

 

I'm a happy person. By choice. That doesn't mean life is easy. Today i just want to cry because there's no hand to hold. But I will still get everything done today. Can Daddies understand that or do you need littles who just babble all the time and can't cope with life?

 

Looby 

[Little kaiya]

I think it's very unique to different Daddies and Caregivers to be honest. I think you may find it's mostly the younger ones who may want the "babble and cant cope with life" littles, as you put it.

 

As people mature and get older I've found they realize they an still have DDlg elements in their relationship and lives but there are times where it can't be first and foremost all the time.

 

I'm a very capable little myself but it doesn't mean I don't need my Daddy. It doesn't mean I don't feel like crying at times or need to be held tightly in his arms.

 

What it does mean though is when he has a rough day I can be there for him. When there is a crisis or issue i can help him solve it. It means I'm his babygirl but ALSO his partner.

 

So, it may put some Daddies off, sure, but ask yourself, would you really want to be with a Daddy that wants the "can't cope with life" type of little touch described? Is that the type of relationship you really want?

 

Little kaiya

[PrincessVanellope]

I think it depends on the Daddy, honestly. I'm very capable. But, we also have a different dynamic, we've got two kids. So I deal with a lot of the day to day, taking care of them, the house, paying bills.

Sometimes my Daddy knows I've had a rough day, and he'll come home from work and take over taking care of the kids, making dinner, getting them off to bed...and then he takes care of me- and on hard days, that's exactly what I not only want, but need.

I enjoy being there for him and helping him. If I were incapable, he would have so much more on his plate.

We may live this lifestyle, but I'm his partner also.

[Guest Daddy-Tom]

I would be very wary of any Daddy who claims to want to do absolutely everything for the little

[TheTrainer]

No.

[Guest Looby-Lou]

[Little kaiya]

Just because those kinds of posts may get more attention initially I'm willing to bet if you looked to see how many of them lasted for any decent length of time the number would be very, very low.

 

Littles and Daddies are still adults at their core so this idea of rainbows and pink fluffy clouds often wears off very quickly for Caregivers, I think. As adults we want partners that share similar goals in life and can support us through rough times. Caregivers will need that support too at times and even if some of them say they would never let their little look after them that tune seems to change when the time comes.

 

It really goes back to the concept of compatibility. I think it's less about it being your fault or not and more about finding the right partner. If they're the right person they'll take the time to not just "look past" capable you but more importantly they will see capable you AND little you. I come across as very capable, controlled, dependable and solid in a crisis type of person and yet my Daddy/BF took the time to get to know me and see the other sides of me as well.

 

Ask yourself, would you rather compromise who you are to get lots of initial replies that go nowhere or be true to yourself and get fewer replies but ones that can actually lead to what you want.

 

Little kaiya

Edited June 24, 2019 by Little kaiya

[DaddyDom3238]

Hi Looby-Lou,

I have been a DD for quite a long time and I personally do not want my little to be in little space all the time and need everything done for them. That is just my preference  as I want a relationship first that just happens to include the DDLG/BDSM dynamic. To me the relationship comes first and then we enjoy the other "kink" aspects that are involved in dynamics of our relationship. I would caution against getting involved in a relationship where your DD wants you in little space all the time as that is not realistic long term in most cases. That is only my opinion from my 10 plus years in the lifestyle. That being said you need to be in a relationship where you are fulfilled and get your needs met as well as your DD. I wish you the best of luck!! 

[Guest Looby-Lou]

Thank you again for the responses everyone, I really appreciate the input and support 

 

But i worry that i'm not giggly & fluffy enough on this forum, I tend to answer questions sensibly and I don't think that inspires the Daddyness or Dom or protective instinct in the DD's who are only seeing me online here. In real life it's very obvious i'm little, it's so much part of who i am. 

 

This is a very small pond for us to fish in so of course it's unlikely to be easy to find someone compatible, I realise that. Honestly I have more success in mainstream dating, never yet met a guy who didn't like the littleness in me. It's just not quite enough though, not the same as a true DDlg thing (or so I imagine, never yet had the experience LOL).

 

Thank you again, i'm having a hard time at the moment & you've really cheered me up just by being there for me.

Looby 

Edited June 24, 2019 by Looby-Lou

[Guest Looby-Lou]

Ask yourself, would you rather compromise who you are to get lots of initial replies that go nowhere or be true to yourself and get fewer replies but ones that can actually lead to what you want.

 

Little kaiya

I'm very adaptable, but no, I wouldn't compromise on who I am. I live by my integrity.

 

I did get a lovely number of replies actually which totally took me by surprise, especially given my age & health status. A lot of FR and some nice chats (inevitably also the "players" who ghosted or didn't msg after the FR grrrrr), just nothing that developed into a r'ship...yet.

 

Your comments & opinions are really helpful, thanks.

Looby 

 

[Big_daddy]

I am more attracted to capable littles than non-capable littles.

[hurtnolivingthing]

Personally... I'd only be interested in a capable little.

I can fully appreciate her being 'incapable' or needing a lot of assistance;

when she is in little-space. Totally happy to give her all the daddy care she needs.

 

But I have no interest in someone who is in little-space all the time;

and unable/unwilling to function at her real physical age when life demands it.

 

For sure, I would be completely disinterested in any little, middle, whatever..

who wanted to be completely taken care of, in every way, all the the time.

 

Being an older daddy; I would also need my little to have a certain real-life

maturity level. I mean.. c'mon.. I need someone I can talk with too,

not just watch cartoons with.

 

[LittleCelticLass]

But i worry that i'm not giggly & fluffy enough on this forum, I tend to answer questions sensibly and I don't think that inspires the Daddyness or Dom or protective instinct in the DD's who are only seeing me online here. In real life it's very obvious i'm little, it's so much part of who i am.

 

 

I am the same way. I often leave the site in frustration, with the erroneous feeling that I'm too old.

[Guest Looby-Lou]

Personally... I'd only be interested in a capable little.

I can fully appreciate her being 'incapable' or needing a lot of assistance;

when she is in little-space. Totally happy to give her all the daddy care she needs.....

 

....Being an older daddy; I would also need my little to have a certain real-life

maturity level. I mean.. c'mon.. I need someone I can talk with too,

not just watch cartoons with.

 

 

Thank you for posting (your entire post). That's very reassuring to this little, and some others too i imagine.

 

I'm an adult who's intrinsically little, and a little who understands when adultness is appropriate. So the only type of DD i'm interested in is someone who gets that, wants that, and reciprocates that with his DaddyDom-ness. (i might've just made up a new word LOL)

You manage to convey your points firmly & with clarity, yet still with warmth & kindness. Thank you.

Looby 

[Guest Looby-Lou]

I am the same way. I often leave the site in frustration, with the erroneous feeling that I'm too old.

i'm more than happy to ride on a rainbow, sprinkle fairy dust and run with the unicorns. i'm giggly, playful & live in a pink world.

I also have my feet firmly on the ground and am very logical.

 

Maybe it's partly age, maybe it's partly character. Each to their own. I can see that the fluffy glittery chat is fun in it's way, but I tend to prefer something with more substance for communication!

Thanks for sharing, it's really nice to know I'm not the only one who gets frustrated with this. Let's not give up though!

Looby 

[Huggybear]

I would be very wary of any Daddy who claims to want to do absolutely everything for the little.

 

This.

 

I love to be needed as much as any daddy here, im sure, but life is no joke and being capable and mature, or atleast having the ability to be, is very attractive.

 

I would go as far as saying a good daddy/mommy would build up and encourage their little to cope with the real world and worst case scenarios and help work towards being capable in many empowering ways along the relationship, even if they do adore the little space baby above all else (little spacebaby, *tirsk*).

 

None of us know how much time we have, so build eachother up to be strong individuals together, instead of being codependent. Like two strong roots entwining into a large big, beautiful tree .

[Guest Looby-Lou]

I would go as far as saying a good daddy/mommy would build up and encourage their little to cope with the real world and worst case scenarios and help work towards being capable in many empowering ways along the relationship, even if they do adore the little space baby above all else (little spacebaby, *tirsk*)..

 

Thanks for your post and sensible words. I've already had to cope with "worst case scenarios" in my lfe...I've passed that test! It's the daily stuff where it would be super nice to have a Daddy's helping hand and reassurance. Sometimes the small things scare me or make me anxious more than the big things 

 

and gotta say...."spacebaby"....   

 

Looby 

[hurtnolivingthing]

Thank you for posting (your entire post). That's very reassuring to this little, and some others too i imagine.

 

I'm an adult who's intrinsically little, and a little who understands when adultness is appropriate. So the only type of DD i'm interested in is someone who gets that, wants that, and reciprocates that with his DaddyDom-ness. (i might've just made up a new word LOL)

You manage to convey your points firmly & with clarity, yet still with warmth & kindness. Thank you.

Looby 

 

Thank you Looby. Very nice thing to say

[LittleTeacup]

But i worry that i'm not giggly & fluffy enough on this forum, I tend to answer questions sensibly and I don't think that inspires the Daddyness or Dom or protective instinct in the DD's who are only seeing me online here. In real life it's very obvious i'm little, it's so much part of who i am. 

 

I wouldn't say I worry exactly, but I too usually answer questions sensibly. I want to help people! I guess I make up for it with smilies

 

But, I don't baby talk. I speak in a higher pitched voice when little, but of course that doesn't translate into writing. Also, I seem to have fewer stereotypical girly interests. Like, no glitter for me. And I like bugs and animal skulls and stuff like that.

 

I'm also very specifically not ready to look for a partner, especially online, so I don't concern myself with how I look to the caregivers. And every time I've been unsure about posting a comment because I'm afraid it might be too harsh, I get a bunch of likes instead and everyone seems to appreciate it. So now if I've taken the time to write something, I just go ahead and post it. Little me doesn't care as much about what I look like than big me does.

 

I'm not 100% capable yet. Maybe I'll never be there. But I'm not helpless. And I don't want a partner to encourage me to be helpless. I want a partner who will help me grow and will cheer when I overcome a challenge. Someone who will talk with me calmly when I'm frustrated and get me to see things from a different perspective. Little me sees the good in the world and doesn't understand why people can be so mean. Little me wants to give flowers to people who look sad. Little me cries because there is poverty and war and wants big me to do something about it. I'll never be satisfied with only doing "cutesy" things.

[Guest TheyCallMeLovely]

I’ve read quite a sum of post that run between the lines of “Does (general person) like (general thing)?”

 

The better way to approach your question could be “Daddy who loves a loving, capable, and gorgeous woman, hurry up and find me!” (That’s just me being whimsical and cheeky.)

 

People are pretty individualistic and just because they are in the category of Daddy or little doesn’t make it easier to find out the finer details. Finer details require finer specimens.

[Guest Looby-Lou]

I’ve read quite a sum of post that run between the lines of “Does (general person) like (general thing)?”

 

The better way to approach your question could be “Daddy who loves a loving, capable, and gorgeous woman, hurry up and find me!” (That’s just me being whimsical and cheeky.)

 

 

Thanks for your response. Yes, I deliberately generalised. We're all individuals as you say, but sometimes it's interesting & useful to observe general trends

 

I do get where you're coming from with your suggestion but it would be counter productive for me! The whole point is not to emphasis how wonderfully capable I am. The whole point of my frustration (when I wrote the original post) is that i need a Daddy who will see BEYOND how wonderfully capable i am. A man who can see that despite being capable i'm still needy...a Daddy who will nurture, reassure & comfort. 

 

Looby 

[Guest Looby-Lou]

 

It would be a little worrying if self-reliance and self-sufficiency was off-putting for a Daddy/Caregiver, after all, don't they want to see us thriving as grown up big girls? ....

 

 

...We can still be highly-functioning adults but still need our vulnerabilities and needs of our Inner Child to be heard and reassured.

 

 

Totally agree with you, it could be a worrying sign of codependency or at the least just unhealthy.

Although personally i don't ever want to be called a "big girl" LOL ...I'm adult and i'm little 

 

And even well-functioning adults have vulnerabilities and needs - and that includes DD/CG too, not just littles. 

 

Looby 

[Guest Aetherr]

isnt the whole point of ddlg and looking fora daddy to play those scenarios where you need a daddy?

 

im not entirely sure what you are expecting to find but i hope you do, i just dont see many daddy's out there who dont enjoy atleast to some degree being needed by their little

 

i know i personally derive alot of pleasure from believing i am that necessary to have around

 

im not trying to say ddlg is not the place for it (im sure someone will read that in what i said despite me saying no such thing) but i dont see it

Edited June 29, 2019 by Aetherr

[Guest Voidart]

"Finer details require finer specimens."

Oh you, making me blush and all!

[Little kaiya]

isnt the whole point of ddlg and looking fora daddy to play those scenarios where you need a daddy?

For some littles DDlg isn't about playing scenarios and it isn't about being totally unworldly and incapable. Instead it is about letting their guard down and letting their inner child out instead of keeping up the strong front.

 

I'm a very capable person and more of a type A personality in fact. I'm a Manager of a Strategic HR and Business Intelligence team and make important decisions and recommendations daily. I'm also a certified volunteer crisis counselor and trainer. There isnt much I cant do for myself.

 

That said, there are times where I get anxious or on edge and need my Daddy's touch to calm me. I HATE bugs and want my Daddy to take care of them for me. Do I NEED him to do those things, no. Do I defer to him and hide my eyes while he takes care if bugs, yep, because I'd rather not as they creep me out.

 

From a rules perspective, do I know when to go to bed to get a good nights sleep, sure, but having Daddy there to make sure I do makes me much happier and makes him happy.

 

Littkes are still adults and as such should be capable. Just because a little wants their Daddy doesn't mean it is any less a need, that they are any less a little or that it is any less valid (and to be clear, no I'm not sayin Aetherr said or implied that).

 

All littles are different and valid.

 

Little kaiya