Need some advice please

[Maya_littlekitten]

Hello everyone, i will need some advices, I’m in my first ddlg relationship, my daddy is good to me, but i’m really in love with him but the thing is that he his a married man and have a secrete bdsm life for 10 years now, we meet in January and have just me has his little sub Babygirl

I don’t know if I should stop our relationship because of his wife it’s make me inconfortable and sad because he belong to someone else, I told him that but he said that he need both (vanilla ans bdsm/ddlg)

Is it okay to be in love in this kind of relationship, knowing that it’s just normally role play ... ?

Thank you and I hope to have some answer ^^

[PrincessVanellope]

I say end it. He's married. Even if you aren't in a physical relationship, he's still emotionally cheating on his wife with you, and it's not right. I've been in his wife's shoes before. It's not fun. It hurts, a lot. If he's looking for more in his relationship, he should talk to his wife about it, and see if they can get on the same page.

 

Sorry to say it, it's just my opinion, but I think you should end it.

[Guest Aetherr]

does his wife know about you?

have you met her at all?

does he have conversations with you while his wife or his friends are around? (and doesn't have a good reason for not being open about you existing)

 

if you have said no to any of this or all of this then you are being used and he is cheating on his wife

 

if you have to ask if its okay most/all people would say no its not ok

 

you will get hurt

 

this wife will get hurt and it will be you she looks for

 

but i am sure you are already aware of all of the above since you know he is married and you didnt nope out that second

 

 

if you want approval i dont see you getting much of it, not from me atleast

 

if you have to ask others if its okay then it probably is not ok

 

do with my opinion what you will.

Edited June 22, 2019 by Aetherr

[zanderandspike]

man we need more info on this to truly say, mainly: does his wife know about this?

 

all of the advice has been for the no she doesn't, and I agree if she doesn't know then he's cheating on her

 

in the off chance she does know then you have to decide if you're willing to be in a poly relationship and what your boundaries with that are

[Little kaiya]

Like everyone else has said, if he has a secret life and hasnt told his wife then he is cheating and you are facilitating that breach of trust.

 

One thing I want to add that hasn't been mentioned yet, if he's cheating on his wife why do you think he'll be any more faithful or honest with you? The fact of the matter is he seems to just be about his needs and what he wants versus caring about his wife and you. If someone is willing to have a secret life for 10 years, that really says a lit about that person and none of it is good.

 

There are so many healthy and honest ways to have a vanilla and BDSM life. As a result that kind if thinking is an excuse versus an acceptable reason in my eyes.

 

You have to do what you feel is right but the fact you are uncomfortable and have to ask says you already know the answer and I agree with Aetherr, you wont find too many people supporting lying and cheating.

 

Little kaiya

[James Connolly]

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Edited June 7, 2024 by James Connolly

[LittleTeacup]

Like everyone else, I have to ask if his wife knows about you. It seems she doesn't since you say your daddy has a secret bdsm life. It's ok for you to love this guy, but not ethical to have this kind of relationship with him unless/until his wife is introduced to you and gives the green light. Loving somebody includes going out of your way to not hurt them. You are enabling his cheating behavior and setting him up for hurt down the road when his wife finds out and it blows up. Sounds kind of selfish, actually. You feel uncomfortable and sad because you're not acting according to your conscious. The most caring thing to do now is tell him you love him and that's why you're breaking it off until he resolves his issues with his wife (which there must be if he can't admit to her he likes bdsm). You cannot help the person you love engage in harmful behavior.

[Guest littlebabyslittlespace]

If his wife doesn't know then end it, continuing this makes you just as bad as he

[Maya_littlekitten]

Aww thank you, I think I know deep in my heart what the answer was but I just couldn’t admit it, and no his wife and friends doesn't know anything about me at all or his bdsm life.

I know what I should do know, i’m Going to talk to him and end it, i can’t keep going like this knowing that he has someone else in his life and that I can hurt that person, I’m truly deeply in love for the first time in my life and I’m a little bit lost with all the emotions, it’s going to hurt really really (REALLY!!) bad but I can’t anymore, for my own futur happiness

So thank you so much for everything guys, wish me luck haha ^^’

[LittleTeacup]

Aww thank you, I think I know deep in my heart what the answer was but I just couldn’t admit it, and no his wife and friends doesn't know anything about me at all or his bdsm life.

I know what I should do know, i’m Going to talk to him and end it, i can’t keep going like this knowing that he has someone else in his life and that I can hurt that person, I’m truly deeply in love for the first time in my life and I’m a little bit lost with all the emotions, it’s going to hurt really really (REALLY!!) bad but I can’t anymore, for my own futur happiness

So thank you so much for everything guys, wish me luck haha ^^’

 

Good luck! It can be hard, but you'll never regret doing the right thing. We support you!

[Guest Daddy-Tom]

If he's secretly cheating on his wife odds are you're not his only little either...