HELP. I'm a little in need of SERIOUS help and advice

[Pixiee.princess]

Hi, so im new to this place but I've been a little for quite some time. And ive been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and haven't been able to be my full little self for basically this whole time. I talked to my boyfriend about getting into the dynamic and he said he wanted to also, so he got this bdsm rules app thing and put some rules and told me to pick rewards and punishments to suggest to him. We didn't really talk about it much. Then he said he didn't want to use the apps points and demotions so he came up with this cute idea of a chart and he'd put star stickers on it. Well he hasn't been very consistent with giving me points and this has been going on for a few months now. Any time I try to ask him how the point system works (like a star every day/ week/ month I'm good? Or what) he just says "just do what you're supposed to do." Or he says im not trying because I did "this and this bad thing" so I tell him to punish me then? Because that's part of the dynamic and how it works cause I'm not gonna be good all the time. And I cant tell if I'm doing good or bad if hes not consistent. And then usually he just doesn't respond. And goes to sleep. So tonight I ask him all of the same things to the point where I'm so frustrated and I'm crying and I feel like he doesnt care! So I tell him this is really important to me, but I understand if he doesn't want to do it, so if he doesnt then tell me! And he asked if I wanted to do it still and I said duh! It was my idea, do you want to? He says "sure" and I tell him well you need to do research and be more consistent then and talk to me about the how the point system works so I dont feel neglected. And he just doesn't say anything and goes to sleep. Im just really tired of this and I need help on what to do! Does anyone have any advice for him? Or me? This is his first time being a daddy dom and I really just think he doesn't get it. I don't even like to call him daddy because he hasn't shown he is and doesn't ask me to. Plus hr doesn't aftercare at all. I just feel hopeless :c please help

[Guest TDaddy]

I feel like he's just unaware of the full situation. Punishments should be given out if broken. Every time. No off days. Rewards are like wise. Everything depends on what kind of Daddy he is, and what kind of Little you are. But fundamentally, you both need to communicate what both of your needs are.  

[Pixiee.princess]

Thanks T. I feel the same but I feel like he's trying to make it seem like it's my fault when he's the boss and I'm only gunna be as consistent as the rule maker is! I just can't figure out how to tell him this! He already knows that the main type of little I am is a brat! I just feel like he doesnt care enough to learn. But he says he wants to do this?

[Little kaiya]

Honestly from what you've described it sounds like he is only trying to do "Daddyish" things because you asked him to do them. It really doesn't sound like he is a Daddy at all let alone a Daddy Dom.

 

If he's not really engaged and is just saying things like sure it definitely doesn't sound like his heart is really into it and it's not really something he can fake or that you can force.

 

As for punishments, you say "that's part of the dynamic and how it works", well not necessarily. It is something you want and that's fine but that doesn't mean it's that way for every single DDlg couple. He may be ok with setting rules but not really want to do punishments, there are Daddy's who prefer the caring side but don't like punishment.

 

It sounds like the two of you need to have a talk outside of the dynamic because from what you've described, at best you arent on the same page regarding DDlg and at worst you may in fact be incompatible. Have the conversation and then from there you need to decide what you want. Just remember, you cant and shoukdnt try to force someone to be something they aren't.

 

Little kaiya

[Guest Daddy269]

It's not that your bf doesn't care for you but that he is not truly interested because it's not who he is. Being a daddy isn't something learned from a textbook. It has to be a desire from within and in some sense a natural part of the person. Being little is a deep desire from within you for that's what you are...a little girl. Being a daddy is a deep desire within me for that's who I am...a daddy. I am naturally caring, affectionate, and understanding towards a little girl because first of all that make me who I am and secondly, I understand the desires and needs of a little girl and it would be my pleasure and delight to be who she needs me to be for her. My desire would be to unconditionally love my little one, to give her all the loving attention she needs, and all the sweet affections she craves. I'm there for her to be a happy little girl. And that's just me...and the daddy within me.

[Pixiee.princess]

@littlekaiya (I don't know how to reply to people yet lol) I really hope hes not just doing it because I want because I've told him since the beginning if he doesn't like it or feel like doing it then I'd be happier if we didn't force it. And yes you're right about the punishment thing I guess it's just what I want and have told him I want in our relationship, and he doesn't really seem too fond about the caring side of things either. If were not compatible with ddlg I think I could handle it, I do think I would be less stressed if I could go into little space every once in a while and not repress that part of myself, but i can do that without a daddy so if he doesn't want to do that I'll be ok

[Pixiee.princess]

@daddy269 I get what you're saying, I don't really know if it's in him or not, I guess maybe I'll try to talk to him and see if it really is what he wants and if not I guess I'll just figure something else out for myself?

[Guest Daddy-Tom]

Maybe he's just not a daddy type and he just wants it to be a vanilla or at least non-ddlg relationship. Forcing things leads to resentment. If you can be little by yourself will you want to stay with him if it means not having a cg?

[Little kaiya]

If were not compatible with ddlg I think I could handle it, I do think I would be less stressed if I could go into little space every once in a while and not repress that part of myself, but i can do that without a daddy so if he doesn't want to do that I'll be ok

If you're at the point where you're frustrated, stressed and crying then maybe try taking a step back and going into littlespace without your boyfriend. Take care of yourself and let the rules and punishments stop for awhile. If he really wants to be your Daddy he'll notice and most likely ask or participate. If not then he'll just leave you alone to be little on your own which you have said you'll be ok with.

 

It just sounds like the two of you are trying to force something and honestly if you are both into being in a DDlg dynamic it will still always require communication but it will come more naturally because it will be what you both want.

 

I know that if I'm really stressed at work and not going into littlespace my Daddy notices right away and takes steps to encourage me to be little because it makes me feel better and when I'm little it makes him happier and feel better.

 

So if talking doesn't really cause any changes maybe just take care of yourself and see how he reacts. It may clarify where he wants to be in a DDlg relationship or if he's indulging your request. Best of luck.

 

Little kaiya

Edited June 21, 2019 by Little kaiya

[Guest Voidart]

Hello there Pixxie!

First of i just want to say that we're happy you reached out to us, this is such a wonderful community and i can speak for everyone when i say that we're happy to have you here!

Now to the problem you're facing. To me it seems like there's a miss in the communication. It seems he's not being fully honest with himself. 
It's hard to tell if this is due to some ongoing problem he's facing or if he's just generally a person who shuts in his emotions and thoughts. 
I'm assuming you've spoken with him about the mixed messages you're receiving. Have a heart to heart moment and tell him how you really feel in exchange for his inner thoughts. 
I'd suggest you think about how important this dynamic is to you before doing anything else.

How much are you ready to change in order to please your partner?
How much is he willing to do for you? 
Where are the limits and how can you two meet half-way? 

Communication: an important path towards succesfull relationships. 
But also a wall, setup by the ones who are uncomfortable facing truths.  

I certainly can relate to your situation, it must be beyond frustrating for you. Getting no direction in a relationship can be quite scary.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and situation with us.
If you need more people to talk with, you can feel free to DM me anytime. 


 

[Pixiee.princess]

Hello there Pixxie!

First of i just want to say that we're happy you reached out to us, this is such a wonderful community and i can speak for everyone when i say that we're happy to have you here!

Now to the problem you're facing. To me it seems like there's a miss in the communication. It seems he's not being fully honest with himself. 

It's hard to tell if this is due to some ongoing problem he's facing or if he's just generally a person who shuts in his emotions and thoughts. 

I'm assuming you've spoken with him about the mixed messages you're receiving. Have a heart to heart moment and tell him how you really feel in exchange for his inner thoughts. 

I'd suggest you think about how important this dynamic is to you before doing anything else.

How much are you ready to change in order to please your partner?

How much is he willing to do for you? 

Where are the limits and how can you two meet half-way? 

Communication: an important path towards succesfull relationships. 

But also a wall, setup by the ones who are uncomfortable facing truths.  

 

I certainly can relate to your situation, it must be beyond frustrating for you. Getting no direction in a relationship can be quite scary.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and situation with us.

If you need more people to talk with, you can feel free to DM me anytime.

 

I think im replying correctly now lol. Yes I do feel like he has walls up and I really don't want to force him to do anything hes not comfortable with. Before I came to yall for help I sent him a couple of links for him to look at when he gets up this morning that kinda explains everything better than I can. Because I really don't think he gets what little space is. So if he decides to read the links and ask me questions or talk to me about it I will but if he doesn't bring it up I'll just do my own thing like little kaiya suggested and see if he jumps in on his own, and then I'll talk to him about it!