Two inexperienced people... bad idea?

[Guest stuffiesprincess]

Hello everyoneee!

 

So, I'm here looking for opinions and advice (I wasn't sure where I should make this post here, little space, ...).

 

I've recently met a guy through Fetlife (I was going to post this there... don't really want him to see it though, for no particular reason, maybe I'm just a bit embarrassed), we get along really well (same interests and all that) and will probably be meeting in real life soon.

 

We are both young (I'm 19, he's 21) and inexperienced (we have both been interested in ddlg and bdsm for a while but never had someone to live this lifestyle with).

 

Would this "relationship" be a bad idea?

I'm going to be completely honest here... it kind of scares me being with someone that is also inexperienced in this sort of relationship, I feel like that could be the recipe for disaster...

 

Heeeeelp??

 

I'll just thank everyone in advance sooo thanks to everyone that might answer this.

Also excuse any mistakes (English is not my first language).

[princess mae]

hihi stuffies! Personally, I don't think this is a bad idea. If you do your research, ask questions, and be open to changes, you could find yourself in a positive relationship designed to your liking. Don't forget to set down rules that you both can agree to, as well as rewards and punishments. It's going to be slow-going for a while, just be patient. I guess the real question here is, do you like him enough to try? Best of luck! Let us know how it goes for you!

[Metalheaddaddy]

Hell no it's not a bad idea. If anything those daddies who go out of their way to "train" new littles are horrible way to learn. Just  make sure to communicate and be honest with each other. Remember safe, sane and consensual.

[Little kaiya]

Everybody has to start somewhere and being that you're both inexperienced it means you're both less likely to make assumptions.

 

My Daddy and I were kink and fetish experienced when we got together just not in DDlg specifically. It was wonderful getting to learn and exchange ideas without preconceived notions.

 

If you both like one another take time, go slow, explore. Just be careful not to jump into things too fast.

 

Little kaiya

Edited June 15, 2019 by Little kaiya

[Guest Looby-Lou]

 

Would this "relationship" be a bad idea?

I'm going to be completely honest here... it kind of scares me being with someone that is also inexperienced in this sort of relationship, I feel like that could be the recipe for disaster...

 

 

Your English is excellent!

 

No, it's not a "bad idea" because you're both inexperienced. It's only a bad idea if you're not a good match. That's just my opinion of course!

 

There's lots of resources and lists (and this forum is a great place to start) which you and your friend can look at together if you want help with ideas or to get a discussion going.

 

I relate to you being scared, I have felt the same way - thinking that it would be better to have someone who "knows what they're doing". I think I'd feel safer with someone experienced. But at the same time I realise this idea of "safety' is an illusion, because if I was with someone whose experience & desires didn't match what I want or need, then THAT could be a disaster. 

 

The way I was introduced to the concept of DDlg and D/s was in a vanilla relationship. The guy was imaginative and he enjoyed the Dom role even though he's not a Dom and certainly not a Daddy. Neither of us had any experience. We just muddled through...trying things, liking some of them, not liking others, making "mistakes". 

It was fun & it set me on the path to recognising i'm a little. That was when I wanted to stop things with him, because i want to explore this with someone who IS a Daddy, and that guy wasn't interested in it. I didn't want my first experiences to be with someone who was just playing around.

 

If you and this man get on well when you meet, it will come naturally to discuss what sort of relationship you want to try and build. And I echo little Kaiya - take it SLOWLY. Create the relationship as boyfriend-girlfriend before you get too heavy with the DDlg or BDSM.

 

And good luck!

 

Looby 

Edited June 15, 2019 by Looby-Lou

[trexproject]

Hi

I don't see how this would be bad, that is if you both are wiling to learn and be open minded. I think ideally you want at least one person to be experienced, but there really is no rules, or at least I don't think so. Compared to other BDSM kinks, I think DDLG is pretty tamed. If you would like to involve tools, then it's best to be with someone experienced because it could be really dangerous. Otherwise, DDLG roleplay is just about getting into a headspace. 

[Little kaiya]

Otherwise, DDLG roleplay is just about getting into a headspace.

Just thought I'd point out that DDlg can be roleplay for some people but it certainly isn't for everyone.

 

Ddlg can be many, many things depending on the individuals involved. Not all littles go into littlespace and not all littles roleplay. For my Daddy and I it is a relationship dynamic that involves voluntary, consensual power exchange. I just think it's important to point out there are many variations as the effort, dynamic, actions, results, risks, benefits, etc., can vary quite widely.

 

Little kaiya

[Guest Looby-Lou]

Compared to other BDSM kinks, I think DDLG is pretty tamed. If you would like to involve tools, then it's best to be with someone experienced because it could be really dangerous. Otherwise, DDLG roleplay is just about getting into a headspace.

It doesn’t feel tame to me. It feels very intense.

And it’s not role play for me. Of course it's ok if that's what other people want, but I’d be totally incompatible with a role player, so it wouldn't be fair to either of us. I'd be expecting more than he could give and he might accidentally hurt me badly -  if a Daddy was just role playing & said something adult/harsh with little me it would break my 3 y.o. heart.

I think this is one area where inexperience could be a problem if someone hasn’t yet discovered if it’s real or role for them. 

 

Like little kaiya said, there are different risks & dynamics etc!

 

Looby

Edited June 18, 2019 by Looby-Lou

[fragilelittlelilly]

Hello!!

 

Personally I have to say I feel very uncomfortable when the other person isn't experienced... I find it hard to trust someone who doesn't have experience. But that is just me! It must be beautiful to grow together and learn from each other. However it is very important to both do your own research on the topic. Read about consent, safe words, how to practice impact play safely... There are so many great youtubers who could help you like Evie Lupine (mainly bdsm stuff and pet play), Brittany Simon (alternative lifestyle, bdsm, polyamory topics), Watts the Safe Word (bdsm, gay couple) and Milkwebs (bdsm and ddlg) are my absolute favorite. They explain everything and they are also very fun to watch!

[Huggybear]

Hey!

You should share your concern with this person first and foremost - there is literally no way to emphasize the importance of communication in any bdsm dynamic enough - You gotta talk!!, no walkaround on this one. I would make a list of things that cause you the most worry, and have a heartfelt discussion about this - what a chance for both to see eachothers likes, personality, problem solving skills and level of empathy. Im not very experienced myself when it comes to physical interaction, but I have done a ton of reading and been learning about myself and I feel very confident in my own skills because of that. Experience isnt everything, its really the heart that matters - If this person cares about you and trusts you, possibly even loves you when you first dabble into intense things, and understands the basics about safe, sane and concensual , I really dont see a problem. If he is a decent guy, he will Want to be good, and Want to learn - and thats whats important. The bigger issue for me would be the vetting. Make sure you take things super slow and make sure this person has a kind personality and is a trustworthy enough person that you really want to build a relationship with - If everything checks out and there are no red flags the dynamic itself will surely and absolute become malleable and something that will eventually fit the both of you.

 

Be careful out there!
Juha

[Lil_Kiddo]

It doesn't sound like a bad idea at all because then you can both learn together. As you learn new things, you can communicate them to your partner and vice versa. It sounds like a good bonding experience

[Guest stuffiesprincess]

[Huggybear]

Well done! You played it safe, kept talking and did exactly as a smart girl would. Let this be a lesson to boys to grow up into responsible and patient men before engaging in these type of dynamical relationships .

Keep searching! Im sure the one for you is out there!

[Daddys-A-Hero]

I'm sorry it didn't work out, but it sounds like you absolutely made the right choice here, a wise decision.

 

That said, pretty much all the advice others gave you above is excellent, so bare this in mind when you are considering your next potential relationship. God luck, I'm sure you will find someone who deserves you and will make you happy!