I feel hurt

[Littlerosierabbit]

Hi, this is going to be a long post so goodluck. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 7 months now and we have a ddlg relationship. We had a huge trip planned for June 10th, I was gonna go spend a month with him. We've met in person twice before this. Everything was great, until I noticed he started kind of ignoring me, and putting space between us. Now communication is a huge thing, he expects me to communicate everything (which I do) but I also expected him to do the same. 10 days before the trip he suddenly tells me, he doesn't know if he's 100% sure we should be together. Now I noticed him being distant for about a week before this, but then he told me he's been feeling like that for 2 weeks. 2 whole weeks and he didn't tell me at all. He told me to cancel the flight (which I did) and to give him time and space (which I also did). Then about 4 days later asks me "if I have an answer for you by Saturday or Sunday, would you get on the plane on that Monday?" To which I told him he told me to cancel the flight. And that it's a little unfair for him to back out and then expect me to just get on a plane on his go. I felt really hurt because I was willing to give up a lot for him, pretty much anything. And he wasn't willing to do the same. I just need to be told I'm not overreacting. I don't know what to do.

[CryBabyUniWolf]

Wow. That's... That's fucked up, honestly.

Maybe their is stuff going on?

Which there was supposed to be communication, no?

And then telling you to cancel the flight the says "hey would you be able to make the flight?"

If you two continue this relationship, I suggest having a serious conversation.

Find out where he is at mentally and where he is at with the relationship.

 

Best of luck to you!

[Littlerosierabbit]

Thank you very much!

[Little kaiya]

Honestly, I don't think you are overreacting at all. Him asking you to cancel the flight and then possibly jump at his whim doesn't sound very respectful to me, at all.

 

It sounds like you two need to have a very serious adult discussion before either one of you considers getting on a plane. Certainly give him the time and space he has requested and seems to need but that doesn't mean you need to put your life on hold or that you should be jumping at his beck and call.

 

Relationships are about mutual respect and about BOTH parties being willing to sacrifice for one another. When it becomes one sided it is usually an indicator of a serious issue that needs to be addressed.

 

Little kaiya

Edited June 6, 2019 by Little kaiya

[Guest Aetherr]

sounds alot to me like he is having second thoughs about the relationship (I COULD BE VERY WRONG THIS IS AN ASSUMPTION)

 

talk to him about it, dont let him wriggle out with any tactics, him asking you to cancel the flight and saying he has second thought about you two is pretty serious and i feel like that needs to be given the attention it deserves

Edited June 6, 2019 by Aetherr

[Alaskan Daddy]

your feelings are 100% normal. Men can be such cowards when it comes to talking about what is going on in their heart. He should have shared his concerns with you a lot sooner than he did. At this point I feel you should protect your heart and ask him to contact you once he decides what he wants

Remember your feelings are important too. It is not all about him

[Littlerosierabbit]

Thank you all very much for the replies!

[alittlehoneyb]

Yeah, not much I can add here but probably separate yourself from him. Seems like he's manipulating you in a way.

 

Like, he's unsure if he even wants to be with you, doesn't tell you for 2 weeks, then expects you to be ok with all of that, sweep it under the rug and come to visit him? 7 months into the relationship???

 

Yeah, I'd be out of there lol 

 

 

I think it's fine to question a relationship from time to time, you probably should, honestly. But for two weeks straight, telling you nothing is wrong when something is totally wrong? That's not a good sign. And his lack of concern for your feelings and finances! (since you cancelled your flight, and he expects you to just buy another ticket, I'm assuming you paid for this). Seriously, if you were my best friend I would tell you to run.