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Posted

Hi, I'm very new to the DD/lg dynamic. I met a great girl and fell in love, now we're dating and things are going well. But when I learned she was a little, we slowly started turning ourselves into a dom/sub relationship. I love the idea of a daddy dom, I'm already a very paternal person. I've got a big caretaker side and I used to worry that I'd meet a girl and suffocate her with that. So I'm really happy. However, I'm a pretty shitty dom. I'll just say it, I don't really know how to keep my little princess in line. We primarily contact on skype, and we only see each other every week or so in group hangouts. So how can I punish my babygirl via skype? And when in a group of friends, how can I discipline her, without causing a scene? I'm obviously not going to hit her in public.

 

Most tips I see for DD/lg relationships requires being in real life company. Tickling, cuddling, baths, etc, are all really nice but not possible for us at least for now. I can't physically punish her, either. Any help would be appreciated.

Guest LaidBackDaddy
Posted

Don't worry. By asking you have made your first step. Smart move. I will give you some advice then follow with some practical ideas.

 

First off, please realize it takes time. Start slow and with simple punishments. She may want rules and want punishments and want you to be stern and tough and make her obey, but in general, they will still act bratty and stubborn. Not everyone is the same. DO NOT THINK that just because she acts stubborn and bratty and says "No I am Not going to do that punishment!", that she really doesn't want it. Because she really does or she would not have asked you to do this to begin with and given you permission for a power exchange. It can be discouraging at first until you get to know her reactions better, but don't give up.

 

Second, this is where safe words are very powerful for the Daddy Dom side. If she says "no" and acts out and rebels and is stubborn etc but doesn't use a safe word, then do not let up. Yes, you will feel like a big jerk face. You will feel like a meanie. But she needs you to be strong and stern and consistent. Otherwise she would never have asked you for this and never agreed to a power exchange. Sometimes what she is doing is testing you on purpose, sometimes it is crankiness, sometimes it is fear (of intimacy, pain, losing control). You have empowered her with safe words, and she also gives you great power when she purposefully doesn't use them.

 

Third, ..... I hate to bring this up....it's awful....it's the Unmentionable.....and will likely make people upset when they read it and think I am the biggest jerkface in the world....but here goes....

In a LDR the only truly viable punishment is Time out from Daddy. In other words, you explain to her that she is grounded from Daddy and can't talk to him for x amount of hours, and that you won't respond back. This is the Nuclear Strike of DDlg. Use it with care. You may have to use it once at the beginning just so she knows you are for real. But dear God, please use it sparingly. In fact, if you are using it a lot, there may be something wrong with the relationship. No Little wants to be separated from her Daddy. So what follows are some practical ideas to do before reaching the Unmentionable punishment.

 

 

All these work best on web cam, not just so you can see her and make sure she does them. But realize, she needs you there for all of these. You may be lecturing her sternly, but she still needs to know you are there and your presence is a great comfort for her.

 

Control Punishments

Sitting in a corner
Taking annoying pictures
Slave positions for x amount of time
Writing Lines
Eat a food you hate
 
Pain Punishments
Kneel on pencils in corner (place a book under the pencils if she has carpeting or a rug)
Straight cold shower for X minutes
Rubber Band

 

 

Once again. Take your time and go slow. Build up her trust that you are not going to go overboard, but that you are not a pushover. It is a fine balance.

 

To your last part, you cannot punish her in public. What you can do is create a special way to hold her hand or touch her arm. Explain to her the when you do this it means, "Obey, check your attitude, etc or there will be hell to pay later young lady" It doesn't have to be a violent touch, maybe just a slight squeeze on her elbow.

 

I cannot stress enough, this is about TRUST. She has to trust you, so take your time but never let up. Let her feel safe that you are doing what she needs in a responsible way.

 

 

 

this may go without saying, but just in case... AFTERCARE

  • Like 4
Guest LaidBackDaddy
Posted
  On 8/29/2015 at 8:11 PM, PrincessTori said:

 I would also discuss this sort of punishment with your partner to make sure this is an acceptable punishment. Before you start to ignore her let her know what she did wrong,

 

Great point Tori. Did not mean to leave that out, one of those things I assume. Every single rule and punishment must be agreed on by both parties. Otherwise it is not consensual. Period . Do not break this rule of proper conduct.

Guest Leilah
Posted

I think a time out from Daddy is basically like ignoring someone, and doesn't teach them anything. Lots of littles have issues with abandonment.  This would be really harming to them.  Please if you consider this as an option, talk to your partner first.

 

There are many ways of punishing in a ldr, without ignoring your partner. :(

Guest LaidBackDaddy
Posted
  On 8/29/2015 at 11:10 PM, A Cuddly Sub said:

Please if you consider this as an option, talk to your partner first.

 

 

 

 See the trend? Communication and consent is key.  :)

 

To the Unmentionable. I don't want anyone to think I advocating abandonment. Other Littles have described it as something they use. see this thread - https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/75-long-distance-relationships/?hl=long+distance

 

It is horrible and awful. To the Daddy as well as the Little. and should be used only with consent and with care.

Posted

When things such as the 'unmentionable' punishment is put into play and is consensual, usually that punishment is not followed through very often because the little/sub will give up or do as he/she is told before that comes to it. In some cases it does have to be enforced and the punishment is really poopy but it works.

 

As far as abandonment issues are concerned I know first hand its difficult. But if the submissive/little knows how long daddy/mummy is going to not talk to them for then it shows that they will come back, and they will give cuddles and aftercare afterwards! It's not all sad :)

 

I hope this helps, BIG KISSESSSS xxxxxxxxxxxx

Posted

Hi there-

 

First off, I'd like to state that you, asking in your own way, "Hey, how can I make this work?" puts you on the right path of being a great dom. "Shitty doms" would not be looking for assistance.  Good for you. 

 

A smidge of backstory: My DD/lg journey started within D/s and has meshed into this lovely little conglomeration (fancy word!) that makes up my wiring. Although I'm married to my Daddy/HOH/ Sir (oy with the labels) in the past, my experiences included online/LDR elements.  It's SUPER that you get to see her every so often- and I could see how you'd want that time spent to be enriching the connection the two of you have and having fun!  

 

Ok so there's a whole lot I could say, but to keep this focused:
 

I just don't know how to keep my little princess in line:

You gotta figure out the root of the issue. Is she bratting just to brat? Is she out of line because you haven't discussed appropriate behavior? Is it a way to for her to get your attention? It might be as "simple" as a cat and mouse "you can't get me" type of game when you two are out and about.  If you play like that, then fine. (no judgement) but if it's something that you genuinely wish to fix, ask her. Even if she can't tell you why she does it, she can consent and agree with the consequences if it continues.

 

Making simple rules for her to obey is the easiest part.  It's being consistent,  diligent and following through with the consequences that might get you in a pickle.  Don't discuss any rule/consequence that you, as a Dom, are not willing to enforce.  Life gets messy when that happens. Ok...I'm digressing.... 

 

 And when in a group of friends, how can I discipline her, without causing a scene:

 

Are you really asking "How can I nip things in the bud while we're out?"  If you get to talk to her before you're in public, you can remind her of the rules and consequences before hand.  You can (as mentioned before) discuss the signs/words/actions you'll be doing to remind her to behave, or if she's cutting it really close. (Examples: Daddy has a look.  When I'm feeling particularly feisty and ignoring the look I get a friendly-looking-to-everyone-else shoulder rub...in braver/not-my smartest moments, he'll slip in my middle name into conversation. Oddly enough if he's calling me sweetheart in public that usually means I'm toast later.)

 

Of course the focus doesn't always have to be on the discipline.  There are plenty of opportunities for you to communicate to her that she's being a good girl.  We like those too!  Hand grabs, a special nickname being used, silly phrase you'd say that would be code....anything really.  

 

Send a text, squeeze the nearest limb, whisper in her ear.  She'll get the message.  

 

Discipline that you can carry out WHILE in public: Those you have to think outside of the box.  Can you communicate with her privately? Send her somewhere away from the group for a time out. Maybe if it's a group date at a restaurant she's not allowed dessert, or it's rewarded to her based on her behavior.  Restricting certain garments, or picking them out for her?  It's really just a limit to creativity at that point.  

 

 

How can I punish my babygirl via Skype?:

Now keep in mind I come from a more submissive background, some littles may totally disagree with these as they are more leaning in the sub realm. 

 

There have been some great suggestions, and I honestly agree with LaidBackDaddy and his opinions with time out, but more on that in a minute.  A few others that come to mind (that may be obvious)

 

Corner time- X amount of minutes, hands over the head, nose to the wall/kneeling, bare whatever you'd like, just listing ideas you might not have been exposed to

 

Kneeling positions during lecture, holding particular postures

 

Lines/email journal entries lectures 

 

Rubber band snaps are surprisingly painful- and they make them in various sizes to fit around various body parts! Lucky you!

 

Mouth soaping (I say this with caution....certain soaps have things that can really hurt your tummy....Do your research before lathering up!  Heck, have HER do the research!)

 

And the one that I would say "Don't knock it until you try it" would be self spanking

 

Sure, it sounds silly-- but it's more directed by you than just leaving her to it by herself.  You're there to tell her how many swats, (number or how many minutes) using what (quieter ones include paint sticks, those stupid plastic rods on blinds, spoons..try them all out! Explore!  You'll get really good at hearing the smacks and knowing if she's not doing them hard enough and where (top of legs? hands? backside, back of thighs, whatever....)

I could really go one and nerd out about all of that. If you need more information on how to make it effective, I am more than willing to explain.  Point is, it may feel silly, but if it's done right it can be very effective.

 

Now for the Time out from Daddy- Yes.  That is the ultimate. IMO,  It's not abandonment.  Abi said it beautifully, the two of you agree to a certain time that you will return. And any Dom/Daddy worth their weight is going to be hurting just as much as their precious little during those long minutes.  It gets to a point though, that if your little puts her foot down and refuses to do all the things you ask, and you're miles away, what else can you do?  Communicate? Talk it out? OF COURSE, hopefully that would happen before this happens.  You pull Time out from Daddy when Daddy has absolutely zero cards left.  It's sad and awful and extreme. The reactions to this consequence it totally understandable!  

 

 

Good Luck in your adventures together!  It's super fun!

Vivian 

  • Like 2
Posted
  On 8/29/2015 at 8:11 PM, PrincessTori said:

Personally, this is not a punishment that I would ever agree to, but that's me. This can be an effective punishment for long distance relationships if done sparingly as LBD explained. I would also discuss this sort of punishment with your partner to make sure this is an acceptable punishment. Before you start to ignore her let her know what she did wrong, why it's bad, and how many hours she has to be on "time out" from Daddy. Gives lots and lots of love after! 

 

*Finally gets around to posting in other threads* 

 

The only way an ignoring punishment works is if the little understands the punishment, and the punishment has been discussed previously (before anything happened that would warrant it). Because cutting ties temporarily in a long distance relationship is incredibly stressful. Especially because the punishment can be issued while still angry and boom, feelings become amplified purely by the fact that there's 0 communication. Cutting ties severs the communication that an LDR needs. So the only way you can actually do this is if both parties agree. And even if both parties agree, if one party caves then the punishment has to be ended. Safe wording a punishment, as it were. 

 

Other than that, I throw my support entirely behind the different punishments that LBD and Vivian have stated here. 

Guest MissBrittBrat
Posted

I personally will not be in a relationship of any kind with someone who ignores me. It doesn't make me sad, it makes me incredibly angry and it creates emotional distance. I would have a hard time trusting someone who would do that, especially because many bad behaviors stem from some kind of unhappiness... rather than talk it out and then punish, you ignore her? I'd sooner resign myself to vanilla relationships forever. Yes, everyone is saying communication is important with it, I personally am not okay with it in any context. 

 

Now on to the actual topic! I've done my fair share of long distance, and it's true that it can be difficult to punish when you're not there in person. Rather than inflict, it is easier to restrict. For example, I LOVE to watch The Office. As a punishment, not watching The Office for X amount of time. No looking at pretty clothes online would be another rough one for me. There's also this app called OurHome. If you both have smart phones or a tablet or whatever else, you make a family on there and you can mark her as a kid and yourself as a parent. Then you can assign her chores and give them due dates, she checks them off when she's done. There is also a reward system on the app, but if you're using it to punish you can just make it so there is none. 

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