Sexting with others

[korilakkuma]

[Little kaiya]

After reading your post i just found myself having a bunch of questions; did you know that your Daddy and this person were role playing online? Had you and your Daddy discussed it before he and this other person started doing it? If things were already getting heavy why is he only asking now? Was it a few minutes or a few hours as those are two very different things. If it's nothing and they're not into it why were they doing it in the first place? Honestly, I'm very confused so can't really comment on your specific situation. All I will say is if you feel cheated on you and your partner need to have a serious adult to adult conversation and get on the same page.

 

As for your questions, sexting to me is exactly what the word says, sexual texting, so yes it is sexual in nature in my mind. Is it cheating, not necessarily. If ALL parties involved are on the same page and in agreement then that's fine. If it's happening behind anyone's back then no, that's not ok.

 

I would be 100% upset if my Wife or Daddy did that without us talking about it first. To me it's not flirting it's a step beyond flirting into the realm of intimate interaction.I know both my Wife and Daddy wouldbe angry if I sexted with someone without telling them as well. We are a closed, committed poly triad, so that means intimacy whether emotional or sexual, online, in text or in person ONLY happens amongst the three of us.

 

Yeah, sexting is not a "I'm bored" activity to us. It's not window shopping or reading a book. It's a deliberate interaction of a sexual nature with another human being.

 

Little kaiya

[Guest Aetherr]

he violated your trust behind your back

 

didnt discuss boundaries with you

 

discounted your interpretation of the encounter by saying it was nothing, it doesent matter what they though about it

 

it matter what you make of it

 

tell them that is not okay

 

do some self reflection about if you can move past this without their help or if they need to modify how they see eachother in response to your feelings

 

you daddy and your friend broke your trust and that is not ok nor should it be put aside like it doesent matter.

[korilakkuma]

In response to little kaiya,

 

No I didn't know they were role playing prior to this incident. But the friend has used those asterisk thingies on me before. Daddy seemed unsurprised and comfortable even with the girl role-playing so I think they've done it before

 

We haven't discussed it before so I was shocked and hurt when I was informed they were sexting.

 

That was why I was so upset too. He let it go on before asking me. That hurt me a lot.

 

They've been role playing for a few hours but it wasn't sexual at the start. A little flirty (tickling and spanking bums) but not outright sexual. I'm guessing the actual sexting went on for minutes to less than an hour before I was informed.

 

That was my question to the both of them too. The girl's response, it was fun and she was talking to my Daddy so why not. My Daddy's response, he was just rolling with it.

 

We both have the same idea about sexting. Even though they're not really "into it" the fact that they did it means they've been thinking of sexual stuff about each other.

 

 

 

I'm deeply hurt. And still hurting. Idk how to get over this. I don't want it be hanging over our heads forever but right now, I can't seem to get past it. I don't think I'll ever sit on Daddy's lap without thinking of this incident.

[korilakkuma]

Aetherr

Thank you. I've been thinking a lot. Trying to get over it. Daddy acknowledges that what he did is really bad and will never do it again. He was hurt that I got very jealous and disrespected him when I was angry. And I apologized for hurting him but still think my actions were justified.

He's scheduled to visit on June so I think I'll talk more about this when he gets here.

[Guest Daddy-Tom]

If you and your Daddy are monogamous then he shouldn't be sexting anyone else. If you're not, then I presume that was agreed upon beforehand. If your friend and her daddy are monogamous then she should not be sexting anyone other than him. What were your intentions when you introduced your friend to your daddy?

[korilakkuma]

Both couples are monogamous.

I introduced her to Daddy and encouraged him to talk to her because we (especially me) don't have a lot of friends in the community. Plus friend is Filipina too. I was excited I got a new little friend, with the bonus of we live in the same country.

 

I agree that committed people shouldn't sext anybody outside their relationship. Unless it's been discussed.

 

But it's been done now and Daddy and friend is very apologetic and accepted their stupid mistakes.

 

I guess the next step is for me to deal with it and get over the hurt? It wasn't their intention to hurt me, I know that. But I'm still having trouble dealing with all of this.

I'm past the anger. Im just sad and hurt and a bit traumatized

[Guest Aetherr]

if thats the case then there is not much left they can do on their part except continue to respect you and be trustworthy from here onwards

 

its down to you to heal and communicate with them both

 

good luck! on the bright side they stayed by your side which is a good sign the are remorseful and want to do good by you!

[korilakkuma]

Yeah I'm trying to just forget about it all cause it just hurts

I guess I just posted here cause I'm hurting and I want to know if me being upset was valid.

[Little kaiya]

Forgetting about it and trying to just ignore and bury your feelings wont really resolve the situation.

 

It's good they apologized but discussing and making sure there is a clear understanding so something similar doesnt happen in the future is probably more productive if maybe a bit more uncomfortable.

 

Understanding why they thought it was ok, everyone's feelings and what are appropriate boundaries may also help all of you move past the situation in a healthy way.

 

Little kaiya

Edited May 22, 2019 by Little kaiya

[korilakkuma]

Daddy said he won't ever do it again. Stranger or friend, he won't do it again. Now that he knows it upsets me very much. I appreciate that.

I just want the hurt to go away. It sucks. I want to move on real bad but it's not going away as fast as I'd hoped

[Little kaiya]

A breach of trust whether intended or not isn't something that goes away quickly.

 

It still sounds like an adult to adult conversation may be warranted so no other unexplored boundaries are crossed "inadvertently".

 

Little kaiya

[korilakkuma]

Daddy and I have talked. Friend and I have talked too.

 

For now, it's just mostly me getting over it.

[korilakkuma]

Thanks for everyone's input I appreciate it